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Topic: Excuse me. God... (Read 288 times) |
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ave
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She is beside herself; her favourite position
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Excuse me. God...
« on: Jun 6th, 2004, 6:35am » |
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There are times we all feel like Moses...
> >
> > "Excuse me, Sir."
> >
> > "Is that you again, Moses?"
> >
> > "I'm afraid it is, sir."
> >
> > "What is it this time, Moses? More computer problems?"
> >
> > "How did you guess?"
> >
> > "I don't have to guess, Moses. Remember?"
> >
> > "Oh, yeah. I forgot."
> >
> > "Tell me what you want, Moses."
> >
> > "But you already know. Remember?"
> >
> > "Moses!"
> >
> > "Sorry, sir."
> >
> > "Well, go ahead, Moses. Spit it out."
> >
> > "Well, I have a question, sir. You know those 'ten things' you sent me?"
> >
> > "You mean the Commandments, Moses?"
> >
> > "That's it. I was wondering if they were important."
> >
> > "What do you mean 'were important', Moses? Of course, they're important,
> > otherwise I wouldn't have sent them to you."
> >
> > "Well, sorry, but I lost them. I could say the dog ate them, but of course
> > you would see right through that."
> >
> > "What do you mean 'you lost them'? Are you trying to tell me you didn't save
> > them, Moses?"
> >
> > "No, sir. I forgot."
> >
> > "You should always save, Moses."
> >
> > "Yeah, I know. You told me that before. I was going to, but I forgot. I did
> > send them to some people before I lost them though."
> >
> > "And did you hear back from any of them?"
> >
> > "You already know I did. What about the one guy who said he never uses
> > 'shalt not'? Can he change the words a little bit?"
> >> > "Yes, Moses. As long as he doesn't change the meaning."
> >
> > "And what about the guy who thought your stance was a little harsh, and
> > recommended calling them the 'Ten Suggestions,' or letting people pick one or two
> > to try for a while?"
> >
> > "Moses, I'll act like I didn't hear that."
> >
> > "I think that means 'no.' Well, what about the guy who said I was scamming
> > him?"
> >
> > "I think the term is 'spamming,' Moses."
> >
> > "Oh, yeah. I e-mailed him back and told him I don't even eat that stuff, and
> > I have no idea how you can send it to someone through a computer."
> >
> > "And what did he say?"
> >
> > "You know what he said. He used Your name in vain. You don't think he might
> > have sent me one of those - er - plagues, and that's the reason I lost those
> > ten things, do you?"
> >
> > "They're called 'viruses,' Moses."
> >
> > "Whatever! This computer stuff is just too much for me. Can we just go back
> > to those stone tablets? It was hard on my back taking them out and reading
> > them each day, but at least I never lost them."
> >
> > "We'll do it the new way, Moses."
> >
> > "I was afraid you would say that, sir."
> >
> > "Moses, what did I tell you to do if you messed up?"
> >
> > "You told me to hold up this rat and stretch it out toward the computer."
> >
> > "It's a mouse, Moses. Mouse! Mouse! And did you do that?"
> >
> > "No, I decided to try the technical support first. After all, who knows more
> > about this stuff than you, and I really like your hours. By the way, sir,
> > did Noah have two of these mice on the ark?"
> >
> > "No, Moses."
> >
> > "One other thing. Why didn't you name them 'frogs' instead of 'mice,'
> > because didn't you tell me the thing they sit on is a pad?"
> >
> > "I didn't name them, Moses. Man did, and you can call yours a frog if you
> > want to."
> >
> > "Oh, that explains it. Kind of like Adam, huh, sir? Bet some woman told him
> > to call it a mouse. After all, wasn't it a woman who named one of the
> > computers Apple?"
> >
> > "Say good night, Moses."
> >
> > "Wait a minute, sir. I am stretching out the mouse, and it seems to be
> > working. Yes, a couple of the 'ten things' have come back."> >
> > "Which ones are they, Moses?"
> >
> > "Let's see.... Thou shalt not steal from any grave an image' and 'Thou shalt
> > not uncover thy neighbor's wife.'"
> >
> > "Turn the computer off, Moses. I'm sending you another set of stone tablets."
> >
>
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