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Topic: My heart hurts so bad tonight! (Read 757 times) |
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HappyElaine
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My heart hurts so bad tonight!
« on: Dec 5th, 2006, 11:29pm » |
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I have no where to go but here. My Mother showed up at my house tonight she hitched a ride with my husband. I was so glad to see her. After dinner, she said she needed to talk to us. She told me my son was locked up and he won't be out for a long time. Drugs took my son from me a few years back. I have prayed and fought with him for years. He turned to the hard stuff Meth. I know its where he needs to be before he hurts someone or kills himself. I know he going through HELL detoxing, being jail and can't even smoke. They have blocked our phone so he can't call us for awhile till he clams down.
My Mother raised my son, and he lived with her. I have cried so many tears over my son in the past years I don't think the good Lord could count them all.
I love my son, and this breaks my heart, I have begged for help. I never knew how to help him. I still don't. I wish I could find a way to get him in rehap. I know they won't send him there. There just seems like there could be more we could do beside send him to jail.
I am tore apart inside. I just pray like I do everynight That he will kick the habit. Maybe this will be his wake up call. Before he was always baild out, this time no one has the money. Even if I did I don't know that I would bail him out.
Will he be a better person or be worst when he comes out. Mom she loves him so much her heart is broke. I just put her to bed. I didn't cry until I sat down at the computer. I couldn't Mom was to upset and I didn't want to add to it.
Pray for my family to get through this. Please pray hard for my son.
I miss my son the drugs took for me.
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BB
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Re: My heart hurts so bad tonight!
« Reply #1 on: Dec 6th, 2006, 12:28am » |
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Dear Elaine,
As a mother of two sons my heart bleeds for you and with you. Its one of the worst nightmares that parents can face.
There is much comfort in praying. The Lord will lead him back on the right track when he is ready to see the light. We will pray for you and with you for your son.
Apart from praying, it is necessary to keep yourself calm and well so that you can be there when he is ready to learn right from wrong, and to give your beloved mother support.
From a practical point of view, I wonder if contacting the Rehab Centre to see what can be done, that may give you a better idea of what is available for him? Are there Drugs and Alcohol Rehab centre or Support Centre near where you live ? I am sure they will be able to help you and maybe your son too.
Sending strong vibes, prayers and lots of love.
Annette
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Cathi04
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Re: My heart hurts so bad tonight!
« Reply #2 on: Dec 6th, 2006, 1:20am » |
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E-
My heart goes out to you! Damn drugs have messed up a lot of people!
He will surely have a court date, right?? Can the judge order Rehab? I am so naive when it comes to this stuff, but it would seem they wouldn't simply let him go.
Sometimes, the hardest things we have to do as parents end up being the best! Your son obviously has "toughened up", dealing with this stuff. I'm sure he will do OK in jail....and you're right, perhaps this is what he needs to find his way back to the right lifepath.
One thing I DO know.........Toughlove WORKS.....don't give him an inch, no matter how much it hurts.
Hugs available, anytime, E
Cathi
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Ghost
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Re: My heart hurts so bad tonight!
« Reply #3 on: Dec 6th, 2006, 1:53am » |
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I wish I could take your pain.
Mike
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bothofus
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Re: My heart hurts so bad tonight!
« Reply #4 on: Dec 6th, 2006, 4:57am » |
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So sorry to hear this.
Sometimes God will take everything you have to make you see what is really important.
This could be the beginning instead of the end it appears to be.
Maybe his heart will see the light.
May God Bless you and yours in this troubled time.
Carl
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HappyElaine
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Re: My heart hurts so bad tonight!
« Reply #5 on: Dec 6th, 2006, 6:16am » |
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I wish I could take my sons place.
Can only pray it will be his beginning. Buddy just took Mom back home. I been up all night. Guess I better go get a few hours sleep. We will all live thruogh it all, thats the hard part.
Right now, I have no feeling, just numb all over.
Thanks for the prayers !
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vig
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Re: My heart hurts so bad tonight!
« Reply #6 on: Dec 6th, 2006, 7:04am » |
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so sorry to hear of this Elaine,
I do hope something good will eventually come out of all this.
hugs
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Langa
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Re: My heart hurts so bad tonight!
« Reply #7 on: Dec 6th, 2006, 8:03am » |
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So sorry about your son Elaine. I wish this is the wake up call he needs. My niece was strung out on heroine, prostituting herself for money for it, living in the streets, etc. She got busted, went to jail for 3 years and has been clean since...now has a job, has her own place, got her son back, a car, and a great man...she has her life back...it can happen. Keep praying.
Love,
Langa
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alchemy
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Re: My heart hurts so bad tonight!
« Reply #8 on: Dec 6th, 2006, 8:11am » |
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Elaine, sorry to hear whats going on. If he has to stay in jail it will be better than rehab, because rehabs you can walk away from jail you can't. Hang in there your family are in our family's prayers.
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Tata
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Re: My heart hurts so bad tonight!
« Reply #9 on: Dec 6th, 2006, 8:21am » |
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Dear Lady E
I can't tell you how sorry I am for you--you are such a caring thoughtful person it seems unfair that something like this should come into your life.
Drugs have hit my family hard--I hate them with a passion. My ex-husband was/is an alcoholic/morphine addict/anything addict--anything he can get his hands on, he will use it to get a buzz. We got divorced after he left his bottle of liquid morphine out on the bath-room sink and I found it--luckily, before one of my children did. I can't let him see the kids right now because he is so screwed up and there just seems to be no end to how he messes with their heads.
My sister was addicted to Valium and hung around with some pretty scummy low-life people who did nothing but drag her down. She ended up committing suicide.
One of my nephews was murdered in '94, more than likely because of his involvement with drugs. He was only 19 years old. His killer is walking around as free as you and me.
My husband's brother just got out of jail after 6 months because of drugs.
As a mother, I can only imagine how hard this is on you. At the same time, I envy you that you still have a chance with your son. I would give anything to be able to have my sister and nephew with us still and try to save them--as long as there is life, there is hope. And Cathi is right, tough love does work. I heard someone describe people who enable drug addicts to continue their habit as people who have the definition of "help" and "hurt" mixed up. I'm not saying that you enable your son because I don't know you guys, but it is so easy not to know the right thing to do to actually help someone with a substance abuse problem.
One again, I am so sorry you're going through this. If you ever need to talk, please just e-mail or PM me. I know you guys are going through Hell. Take care, Tata
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nani
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Re: My heart hurts so bad tonight!
« Reply #11 on: Dec 6th, 2006, 8:33am » |
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Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry. *BIG HUG*
Listen, I've been there, done that, even got the stupid T-shirt.  Things can turn around, though, so don't give up hope. I'm sending lots of prayers for all of you.
hugs and love, nani
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aubmari
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Re: My heart hurts so bad tonight!
« Reply #12 on: Dec 6th, 2006, 11:36am » |
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Elaine~ Just remember that the lord works in mysterious ways and we dont realize it at the time but maybe his being in jail is just that. I am also extremely familiar with addiction and wanting so much to help someone with this problem. What I have learned is that there isn't a whole lot you can do. It has to be a decision on the part of the person with the problem. Helpless feeling huh? Just have faith that it will work out! My thoughts and prayers are with you, your son and everyone involved. 
~Gina
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JeffB
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Re: My heart hurts so bad tonight!
« Reply #13 on: Dec 6th, 2006, 12:00pm » |
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Meth is just awful. My prayers are with you Elaine.
I am HAZWOPER certified and have been on a few clean ups in my day and you would not believe the types of chemicals that are used to make that crap.
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Linda_Howell
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Re: My heart hurts so bad tonight!
« Reply #14 on: Dec 6th, 2006, 1:28pm » |
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Elaine, I DO know what you're going through because I am going through the same exact thing.
Yes your heart breaks.
It broke the first time they fell and skinned their knees.
It broke when they came home with a black eye because they were being bullied on the playground.
It broke when their 1st. girfriend/boyfriend broke up with them and they were inconsolable.
And it breaks now so much more. Elaine, this isn't up to you to do something about anymore. He has to own up to the choices he's made in his life and accept the consequences and also affect the own outcomes.
We, and all other parents out there facing this, need to let go and let God handle this. It's beyond our power to do anything at this point. Except pray.
I'm crying with ya lady...
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Woobie
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Re: My heart hurts so bad tonight!
« Reply #15 on: Dec 6th, 2006, 2:00pm » |
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You E! and for Linda.........
i cannot imagine ....
i'm sorry
woobs
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Margi
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Re: My heart hurts so bad tonight!
« Reply #16 on: Dec 6th, 2006, 3:18pm » |
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damn, E, I am so sorry to hear this about Adair. Like Nani and Linda, I have been through this too with my daughter, as you know. They DO have to hit bottom before they realize that the only way to go is up. Look at Corinne, how well she's doing now - who would have thought that becoming a single mother was the solution to her addiction problem? I'm thinkin' God was the only One who did actually realize that. Linda's exactly right - you have to just let go and let God. Corinne hit bottom and got clean 3 years ago this coming January. THEN, 6 months later, she got pregnant by a guy she hardly knew. To say we were devastated is to say the least, trust me. But now....we have Savannah and she is the light of all of our lives. Corinne is an excellent mother, she's got herself a really good job, a new car (with a bank loan that she got all by herself), and a very nice place to live. Savannah has been her incentive to keep her feet on the ground and her head clear. We couldn't be prouder of her! Adair needs to find HIS incentive and, honestly, his incarceration may be the only way, my friend.
You said it yourself in your first post:
on Dec 5th, 2006, 11:29pm, LadyElaine1 wrote:| I know its where he needs to be |
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You're right, Elaine - it IS. He will clean up in jail and don't you DARE try to find the money to bail him out. He's got some lessons to learn and some hard work to do. No one can do it for him, either. He will need the time God's giving him right now to make things right in his life. Yes, it sucks and yes, your heart is breaking but no one ever said life is easy.
Now Linda....I don't know your details but I am so sorry to hear that you're going through this now too. Big hugs to you as well. I'm always here if you need a shoulder.
When we have a child that goes off the rails, we need to take a deep breath and just go on. We have no other option than to trust that we are all exactly where we are meant to be and be strong enough in our faith that God's will will be done.
E and Linda, you and your families are prayed for - I love you both.
Margi
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Re: My heart hurts so bad tonight!
« Reply #17 on: Dec 6th, 2006, 3:42pm » |
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all my love and wishes but the great Margi speaks the truth
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roy21302
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Re: My heart hurts so bad tonight!
« Reply #18 on: Dec 6th, 2006, 3:51pm » |
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Elaine,
My heart goes out to you, you and your son will be in my thoughts. I have unfortunately seen so many people go through the same thing, the only comfort I can offer you is that a fair percentage do come out the other end better than when they started their sentance, with good fortune your son will be one of them. I'll be thinking of you
Cheers Roy
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Re: My heart hurts so bad tonight!
« Reply #19 on: Dec 6th, 2006, 4:29pm » |
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BOTH of my brothers AND my Husband went through similar situations...my brothers are now husbands and one is a father of 2 and they are doing so great, I'm so proud of the strides they have made....its true they had to hit bottom before picking themselves up.....
My heart aches for you, I watched my parents hearts break going through what you are....
He will be taken care of....he just has to want to get better...and I pray with all I am that he will eventually ask for the help he needs...
as your CH sister, I love you! And you know we are all here for you no matter what! 
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Re: My heart hurts so bad tonight!
« Reply #20 on: Dec 6th, 2006, 4:55pm » |
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Elaine, This subject hits us very close to home also so I would love to talk to you about it. We are going out this evening to ride the trolley and see the lights in Spartanburg, but you have my # use it! We will be home by 10:00, I will be home all day tomorrow. Please call.
......Hugz Tim
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Callico
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Re: My heart hurts so bad tonight!
« Reply #21 on: Dec 6th, 2006, 8:59pm » |
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Lady E,
My heart breaks for you and Buddy right now. The pain in your heart is far greater than that of CH. I agree wholeheartedly with Linda and Margi. The ONLY way he will ever break free of this is when he WANTS to enough to go through what he has to go through to beat it. Usually it is only when one hits the bottom of the barrel and has to look up to see the bottom that one is willing to do what it takes. That is what Luke 15 talks about, that when the younger son "came to himself" he saw the need to change. Please don't share that with him, but rather pray and let God show it to him. If you do it it will drive him away from it further.
When Linda and I were working with the Chaplain in Cook Co Jail for several years we dealt with a number of men who had come to that point, and learned that Jesus Christ and God were more than just curse words.
We saw some radical changes in their lives as a result. We had quite a few get jailhouse religion, but those that wanted it CHANGED.
Keep on loving him, and let him know it, but let him run out his course without trying to spare him what he needs to go through.
We'll be praying for you all. Please let us know what we can do to help.
Jerry
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Re: My heart hurts so bad tonight!
« Reply #22 on: Dec 6th, 2006, 9:40pm » |
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The key is he HAS TO WANNA CHANGE......it's a hard and dusty road.....got my feet dirty a few times but I didn't wanna stay that way Pam
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Kevin_M
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Re: My heart hurts so bad tonight!
« Reply #23 on: Dec 6th, 2006, 9:55pm » |
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The third arrest saved my life. Got me started out of something I couldn't get out of myself, only because it was so seriously consequencial and weighty. The lifeboat was recovery. It's always there.
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Re: My heart hurts so bad tonight!
« Reply #24 on: Dec 6th, 2006, 10:21pm » |
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To you, Elaine and to Linda - I'm so sorry you have to deal with this.
Sending you big hugs and praying the outcome will be a positive one for you kids.
I do agree with Margi though - stand your ground and make them deal with their choices - even while your heart breaks. Sometimes being a parent can just suck the life right out of you.
Carol
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