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        New Message Board Archives >> 2002-2004 Funnies and Jokes >> Be careful what you say....
        
(Message started by: E-Double on Aug 3^rd, 2004, 8:40am)

Title: Be careful what you say....
Post by E-Double on Aug 3^rd, 2004, 8:40am

Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the
words back.......or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are the
testimonials of a few people who did.

I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and
asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I
turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband
didn't say a word.....he knew better.

I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was
un-happy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for
several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who
work at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking,
I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls".

My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a
variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the
boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm
just looking at your nuts". My sister started to laugh hysterically, the
boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my
sister has never let me forget.

While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release
some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her
after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told
her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as
threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that
I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night". The silence was deafening
after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were
doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank
with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind
me were screams of laughter.

Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three
year old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him
constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between
errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my
taco, I smelled something funny, so of course, I checked my seven month old
daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to
go potty in awhile, so I asked him if he needed to go. He said "No". I kept
thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident and I don't have any
clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny, are you sure you didn't have an
accident?" "No", he replied. I just knew that he must have had an
accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more
time,
"Danny, did you have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down
his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST
FARTS!!", while 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing!
He calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel
better
by thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had.

This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very
embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think
before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get
any......
a true story.... We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was
supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked:
"So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE
have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, they were laughing so
hard.

Title: Re: Be careful what you say....
Post by BobG on Aug 3^rd, 2004, 10:07am

Quote:

I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and
asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I
turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband
didn't say a word.....he knew better.

He was just waiting for an answer to the question.

8)

Title: Re: Be careful what you say....
Post by Gena on Aug 3^rd, 2004, 1:16pm

on 08/03/04 at 08:40:26, E-Double wrote:

Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three
year old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him
constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between
errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my
taco, I smelled something funny, so of course, I checked my seven month old
daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to
go potty in awhile, so I asked him if he needed to go. He said "No". I kept
thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident and I don't have any
clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny, are you sure you didn't have an
accident?" "No", he replied. I just knew that he must have had an
accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more
time,
"Danny, did you have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down
his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST
FARTS!!", while 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing!
He calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel
better
by thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had.

This had me crying it was so funny -

Title: Re: Be careful what you say....
Post by IndianaJohn on Aug 3^rd, 2004, 7:38pm

God Eric, that was great!