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        New Message Board Archives >> 2006 General Board Posts >> Quote from Dave E - wow
        
(Message started by: BMoneeTheMoneeMan on Jan 24^th, 2006, 12:38pm)

Title: Quote from Dave E - wow
Post by BMoneeTheMoneeMan on Jan 24^th, 2006, 12:38pm

We know that everyone deals with CH pain differently. I feel as if i go crazy, I have said it before, like a crazy Jack Nicholson. I dont know why i get like that, but i feel as if i seriously have cracked.
I am not good at all at interpreting undertones in people's writing or speach. I am not sure if Dave was talking about CH pain or other pain he may feel, but this quote really struck me. Knowing that others are with me in my struggle with CH is tremendously uplifting, but knowing that others' emotional states are similar to mine is a feeling that i dont have any words for.
Wow, I really am not alone. :-/

This is what Dave wrote:
The extreme pain is the initial onslaught, but the true arsenal is much more devastating. It’s called Anger. Anger is the Beasts best weapon. The excruciating pain sends the victim whirling out of control, hands flailing grasping for the first thing it can reach.

Thanks a lot Dave. I really am not alone. None of us are.
PF wishes
BMonee

Title: Re: Quote from Dave E - wow
Post by Kevin_M on Jan 24^th, 2006, 12:49pm

I couldn't identify with any anger stuff but this is a common good expression I've heard in certain circles many times, which was said to him.

Quote:

"Maybe all this isn't about you, maybe God is working through you for the sake of someone or something else."

Title: Re: Quote from Dave E - wow
Post by Jimi on Jan 24^th, 2006, 1:07pm

Yup, Dave sure has a way of putting words together.

Title: Re: Quote from Dave E - wow
Post by Dave_Emond on Jan 24^th, 2006, 4:13pm

Thanks guys,
That whole little writing was done back years ago when I was still trying to learn coping methods for CH, I had not yet been hit with this ALS possibility.
It was never intended for anyone else to see and wouldn't had if not for my mother. She had seen too many very severe attacks and one day asked me how I survived these and how it affected my faith. In heavy shadow at the time, I just printed her out this "note-to-self" writing and gave it to her. She was extremely relieved after reading it. She then went on to insist I post this to the message boards, I was hesitant, but she reminded me there were probably many others out there that feel the same pains, not only physically, but emotionally as well. So ... I did. I suppose one could easily change "anger" to "frustration" as well.
Now that the stakes are higher, with my health continuing to fail, would I write the same thing? I think I would. Problem is, I'm having much more difficulty inexpressing myself in writing. Each paragraph can take me about 1/2 to 1 hour to put down. This may seem like a quick simple response to many, but I've actually been sitting here for ... coming up on 2 hours to make this post.
The comment from the passer-by, (after the new health issues arrived) was a real jolt to my thinking. It's so hard not to hope or wish that there is a reason why we suffer so. I haven't abandoned my faith, but have accepted that my life doesn't have to be like this because of God's Will, it is simply just what I've been handed. Probably why Jimi's tag has also helped me look at things in yet another view.
I may possibly only have a couple years left in my body, but although I will fight, I'll also try to use that time to at least attempt to make some type of difference in this world.
Those who know me, also know I hate to stop writing, but some may be glad I can't anymore. ;)
Tolstoy is gone as I'm sweating and shaking all over just to get out this note ... so I'll leave it at this for now.
Thanks for the support!
Dave

Title: Re: Quote from Dave E - wow
Post by Sandy_C on Jan 24^th, 2006, 4:19pm

on 01/24/06 at 12:38:02, BMoneeTheMoneeMan wrote:

Wow, I really am not alone. :-/

BMonee

Nuff said! With this website and our family, we are not alone.

Title: Re: Quote from Dave E - wow
Post by Barry_T_Coles on Jan 24^th, 2006, 7:57pm

on 01/24/06 at 16:19:17, Sandy_C wrote:

Nuff said! With this website and our family, we are not alone.

We are one but we are many. :)
Thanks Dave.
Kind Regards
Barry

Title: Re: Quote from Dave E - wow
Post by chewy on Jan 24^th, 2006, 8:18pm

Anger is the bullet and frustration is the gun.

Title: Re: Quote from Dave E - wow
Post by Bob P on Jan 25^th, 2006, 7:48am

Quote:

Yup, Dave sure has a way of putting words together.

Lots of words! ;)

Title: Re: Quote from Dave E - wow
Post by DennyM on Jan 25^th, 2006, 10:13am

Dave's writing is a blessing to all of us! I think sufferers and supporters alike can relate to CH-generated anger and frustration, but to see it so succinctly and poignantly expressed in the written word is a huge comfort.

I'm so sorry, Dave, that it has all become such an effort for you. Please be assured that every moment you put into it is something for the rest of us to treasure. You have a special place in my prayers!

My sufferer (AussieBrian) finds the fear of The Beast (thank you Chewy!) the most emotionally draining aspect of CH. I think the ANGER plays a very important part here - as a sort of counterpoint to the absolute dread. If I was remotely scientifically inclined, I could probably wax lyrical about one negative forcing another to become positive. But I'm not, so I won"t!

PF days and nights to everyone! It's past my bedtime.
Goodnight an God Bless

Denny
(Times Crossword addict, Editor/Proofreader, former English teacher, she who can't spell etc.)

Title: Re: Quote from Dave E - wow
Post by Dave_Emond on Jan 25^th, 2006, 1:30pm

on 01/25/06 at 07:48:50, Bob P wrote:

Lots of words! ;)

Touche' Bob ;)
You're right ... but at least I'm now keeping them to one page ;;D
Not long ago I was posting just one or two paragraphs, which ended up being misunderstood and eventually turned my whole life upside down.
So ... now I go back to trying to make sure I don't confuse anyone with what I'm trying to say.
And even doing that on one page has at least got to be somewhat of an improvement. Maybe from being called "Tolstoy" to "Dr. Suess"? :P
And let me just expound on this a bit ....
Just kidding :-X ;;D
Dave

Title: Re: Quote from Dave E - wow
Post by Ghost on Jan 25^th, 2006, 1:35pm

[smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif]
You sir are no dr seuss for that you would have to get juiced!
red foot blue foot one foot two foot! [smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif]

Title: Re: Quote from Dave E - wow
Post by Dave_Emond on Jan 25^th, 2006, 2:03pm

LOL! ... Ghost! ;;D
And now ... sorry Bob ... but I've gotten emails and PM's asking me where or what the rest of this quote came from. Shoot ... even I had to search :-[
So ... I'll just copy and paste it again now that I found it.

I could never pretend to pit one pain against another. There is no such yardstick. Pain is pain in its own sake, and takes on many forms. Many of which can only be known by the beholder.
Sometimes it helps to just talk. To let it all out. To curse those torturous demons that rip away at our heart, claw and grate at our minds, trying with all their might to eat away at our very soul. They are strong and relentless, never ceasing. They work from the inside, but manifest themselves outwardly, both physically and emotionally. They want not only us, but those around us.
How can I protect myself? How can I protect those around me? These demons can drop me to my knees in seconds begging for mercy. They can brutalize my concepts of logic, emotion, will … and sadly beat me down to the point of losing faith and hence respect for my own life. Then I am nothing.
I cannot allow this. I will not allow this. There are weapons to fight these demons, but my strength is weak to grasp them. One hand is already full of pride, I must drop it in order to have two free hands to receive these implements of war to battle these beasts. I hold so tightly to that pride as if it were my last defense, all the while knowing it is my demise. In anguish, I release it.
There is a faint but solid voice, “ My Grace is sufficient for thee, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” This Grace fills the void left in my empty hand where the pride once ruled. Where pride had failed, the Grace of God now slashes through demons sending them scattering for hiding places.
I feel the gentle lifting of my other hand by family and friends, they would be there to lift me when I fell, to bandage my war wounds, to prepare me to stand again.
The demons only consider this a temporary setback. They reorganize, and spread to new bunkers. Their commander is wise to this type of battle and has defeated it before. Time. He is the master of time. He uses it well. He has specialized forces in camouflage. He knows his victim has already built up a certain degree of pain tolerance, in fact, to a point that others around them could not see the pain, (they are conditioned to the full on attacks). So, these demons secretly do their discrete attacks in the shadows, and the victim rarely makes too much ado about it. Victims tend to feel guilty about being a burden to those whose lives they have interrupted, unfounded … true, but these demons have done much damage to their preys minds. Time … maybe a day or two. The victim is fatigued, but will (along with the prodding of others) attempt to get back to life as they knew it. Easy steps at first, some simple chores, ignore the shadows and press on. The Beast loves to give that faint bit of hope before ambushing his victim again with full force.
The extreme pain is the initial onslaught, but the true arsenal is much more devastating. It’s called Anger. Anger is the Beasts best weapon. The excruciating pain sends the victim whirling out of control, hands flailing grasping for the first thing it can reach. The Beast Master of time knows this and the barrage of agony bolts endlessly and with such savagery the victim has no time to think. So they turn on themselves, foolishly hoping to rent the demons out by any means possible. But it cannot be done. Anger.
Anger bursts through our veins like boiling steam, electrical fires spark through our heads, nerves dangle like broken live wires in a storm. We run down the corridors of our minds, hands outstretched, reaching out for someone to grasp them. The demons slither out of creases in the folds of our brains and slash at us, they hang from above and drive spikes into our skulls. For every three steps forward we are pulled back two, but we push on. Eternity … the time of the Beast, it will never end.
I know they are there, I know I can’t clutch my hand to anger nor my other to pride, or I will lose the battle. Keep reaching, know … it will be there. And it is. Grace fills one hand and love from family the other. I can feel the evil spirits shrink and hollow back into shadows down into the deep crevasses of my mind. More bandages … more time?
Dave