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Topic: Re: Confessions (I need forgiveness) (Read 2192 times) |
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Linda_Howell
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Re: Confessions (I need forgiveness)
« Reply #25 on: Dec 10th, 2002, 11:16pm » |
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Hmmm. Guess, I'm coming to this thread kinda late in the game here, but let me get this straight....
You and your man had a fight. You left , (good for you)
but you took his only sanity with you?
Lets say he was totally wrong in this fight you had.
You are innocent.
Take away nookie for a year.
refuse to cook, clean and wash his car, but
you did a bad thing Cathi. really you did. And now that you know it, I hope everyone gets off your back.
CATHI IS NEVER/EVER GONNA DO THAT AGAIN HUH???????
Linda
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paul_b
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Re: Confessions (I need forgiveness)
« Reply #26 on: Dec 11th, 2002, 12:57am » |
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Taking the meds was an act of retribution. Now you pay the penalty for that behavior, condemnation.
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jonny
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Re: Confessions (I need forgiveness)
« Reply #27 on: Dec 11th, 2002, 1:55am » |
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CH wont kill you is true, someone taking your meds while theres a gun in the house just might!!!.
.......................jonny
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cathy
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Re: Confessions (I need forgiveness)
« Reply #28 on: Dec 11th, 2002, 2:52am » |
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Okay I appreciate all of your honest opinions and yes I am truely sorry but I wanted the world to know BECAUSE it WAS such a shitty thing to do .....Wes is a truely wonderful person and did not deserve such a thing to be done to him.........Thanks at least for your honest replies and I do not regret posting this as whether or not Im forgiven I have understood the gravity of my actions.....I do!!!!
To you all, who I hope will not hold this against me forever, but will understand if you do....I wish you all PFDAN ..............but I have to add I do not believe that you are ALL whiter than white and have NEVER done anything that you truely regret..
Well hey I have and now you all know and I will have to live with it forever but with or without you lot Wes and I will go on loving and TRUSTING each other cos thats what love and marriage are all about.
Truely ashamed.
Cathy 
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Linda_Howell
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Re: Confessions (I need forgiveness)
« Reply #29 on: Dec 11th, 2002, 3:15am » |
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Nope! No way, are any of us whiter than white Cathy.
And I have done a lot of things I regret. But not in my wildest dreams would I have ever done this. Even to my ex.... (he doesn't have clusters)
I can see that you are really sorry hon, but, I still am asking myself......why would you post this????????????
Linda
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pimmony
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Re: Confessions (I need forgiveness)
« Reply #30 on: Dec 11th, 2002, 3:50am » |
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I think the title says it all, giving the reason why ye posted here.
(I need forgiveness)
I do not believe any one of us who has suffered a cluster attack would not read your post with growing confusion and alarm - or end up not feeling really quite angry and condemnatory.
You appreciated our honesty and then got defensive regarding your great relationship, there was no need. From what you say Wes and you have reached some balance on this issue and I hoped it was not an uneven power balance. You take the medications away and you hold a substantial part of the power.
I cannot help think the argument must have been so appalling that you must have felt degraded or abused to have had to find the only way you knew how to grab the power and diminish him to a position where he would be less and maleable?
If global forgiveness is required (and I think only Wes forgiveness really is ) then we would all have to understand fully. You confessed something really large for here, you cannot get defensive when people ask for more information. I suspect to give more would be too personal and trusting us to get past all the rungs to get to forgiveness without the whole truth is really a lot to ask.
I think you know you crossed a boundary, even if your act seems less inconceivable to you than it does to us. Like a partner who cheats, how do you know you will not do it again? There truly is an element of trust lost.
I have the most wonderful supportive partner, but your post made me think what it would be like if she did something so bad to me. My main fear, and it was like a physical pain to me to even think it, was that she would do this because it would render me even more powerless and grovelling than an attack does. What a truly horrible thought.
You have the power. You already have it - you are a loved and trusted supporter. No matter what is said and how it seems to belittle you, there is no higher earthly power than a cluster supporter - to me.
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SommelierCH
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Re: Confessions (I need forgiveness)
« Reply #31 on: Dec 11th, 2002, 4:02am » |
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Good post pimmony,
That's what this site is all about. Aren't you glad you stuck around and then jumped in? I am.
David J.
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Charlie
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Re: Confessions (I need forgiveness)
« Reply #32 on: Dec 11th, 2002, 5:02am » |
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Oh my secular entity. 
I agree pretty much with the general idea of two posts in a row. 
It will take time, lots of time........ 
Charlie
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| « Last Edit: Dec 11th, 2002, 5:04am by Charlie » |
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Ree
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Re: Confessions (I need forgiveness)
« Reply #33 on: Dec 11th, 2002, 5:35am » |
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I ALMOST PUMMELLED A PHARMACIST FOR NOT CALLING MY DOCTOR WHEN I WENT TO PICK UP A MED FOR MY MIGRAINE... me little me... the docs office closed and i had to OD on over the counter stuff til the next day...
Ok people lets go easy on Cathy... everyone makes mistakes... IM gonna show this one to Dave... It might make a good threat in our next BIG FIGHT...(only kidding dont kill me) Cathy you are a sicko... but rightly forgiven. We all go crazy sometimes... Not suicidally crazy like you were... HOW LONG WERE YOU GONE???/ Don't do it again... I still love you Ree
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cathy
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Re: Confessions (I need forgiveness)
« Reply #34 on: Dec 11th, 2002, 7:11am » |
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From Wes
In response to the post which my wife posted may I please set the record straight...........YES what Cathy did was inexcusable, why she confessed I don't know, maybe to show all side of all of us, good, bad and evil, we are all at the end of the day only human or inhumane in her case!!!
However all said and done I need you all to know that without her I would never have got through this hell, the row (which I will not go into) came at the end of a long CH cycle, she always gets up in the night with me and we were both exhausted......Im sure you've all been there.
She is at present studying for a degree, bringing up 4 kids, supporting me and working full time....the studying is for a better job in the hope that I can leave work next year as the CH is so bad.
Her persistance (and temper) got me after 3 years a diagnosis and the meds I needed, she still fights relentlessly for as medication here is not readily available, she is also fighting for us ALL making more people aware....
I forgave her and hope you can find it in yourselves not to judge her actions too harshly by what you've read in one post.
At the time had a gun been in the house, yeah I'd have probably shot her would that have been a reasonable action for nicking my meds????
Thinking about it, yeah probably...
She is loving, caring and in this instance acted completely OUT of character...........thank god!
Wishing you all PFDAN..........Wes
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Mark C
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Re: Confessions (I need forgiveness)
« Reply #35 on: Dec 11th, 2002, 7:13am » |
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echo
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Re: Confessions (I need forgiveness)
« Reply #36 on: Dec 11th, 2002, 8:05am » |
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Cathy -- 
After reading Wes's response you are truly a fortunate women. Wes definately recognizes all you bring to him and your family, the pressures you deal with, and the love and support you share and thereby can see though the latest event to forgive and move on. I hope if put in the same position I could do the same thing.
FYI - the thread event is one reason I hide some of my abortives.
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brain_cramps
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Re: Confessions (I need forgiveness)
« Reply #37 on: Dec 11th, 2002, 8:23am » |
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I had health-care take away my meds 4 cycles ago and the doctor is still walking, the hospital is still standing, and I'm not quite sure why. Lucky my cycles are short (1 month every 18months).
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Jimi
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Re: Confessions (I need forgiveness)
« Reply #38 on: Dec 11th, 2002, 8:29am » |
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If Wes forgives you and you truly realize the many ramifications that taking all his meds really meant and feel sick about it than I can live with it and not hold it over your head in any future posts here. I will assume that it was in the heat of the battle and you were not thinking at all. So anyway, now you know how us clusterheads feel about something like that. In that, we don't play....
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cootie
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Re: Confessions (I need forgiveness)
« Reply #39 on: Dec 11th, 2002, 8:51am » |
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Cathi must type 20 Hail Mary's and Wes's in a row............................. 
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Margi
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Re: Confessions (I need forgiveness)
« Reply #40 on: Dec 11th, 2002, 9:03am » |
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Cathy, you know I've thought about this all night. I literally pushed myself away from my keyboard when I read your words yesterday. I haven't been that angry in a long time. I'm still not sure why you felt the need to post something like this but...whatever....
I've calmed down now and feel a little more confident that I can put my feelings into words a little more sanely today.
To me, it's abuse - plain and simple. I intimately understand the challenges being a cluster supporter brings and the frustration levels get pretty high at times. Coupled with cumulative sleep deprivation, tempers do run short on both sides. I doubt there are many clusterheads who actually would forgive their supporters for something like this - consider yourself extremely fortunate that yours has.
I will admit it did take courage for you to admit this, and I'm hoping your goal in posting this was as an example of what lines not to cross as a supporter.
And, Nancy - you're right - going med free is possible for a clusterhead. My husband has done it repeatedly. But Cathy took that choice away from her husband. That's where it was so morally wrong. And, at the peak of a cycle, ESPECIALLY after an argument with a loved one - who's to say that an act like this wouldn't be the catalyst to push a clusterhead towards the "S" word? Yes, we do all make mistakes as supporters AND sufferers. But there have to be some taboos clearly defined here in Clusteropolis. Denying meds is sure top of MY list.
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| « Last Edit: Dec 11th, 2002, 9:32am by Margi » |
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Stampertje
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Re: Confessions (I need forgiveness)
« Reply #41 on: Dec 11th, 2002, 9:09am » |
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Cathi,
you should be glad you're not my partner. I have 3 big and 4 small cilinders of O2 standing in my CH-room. If my girl would pull that stunt that you did, she would have huge hernia!!! 
Anyway, praise yourself lucky with Wes. Many of us wouldn't be so forgiven. And beside this "mistake", Wes is lucky to have you (reading his story).
Keep on supporting him and never forget this!!!
Rik
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DougL
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Re: Confessions (I need forgiveness)
« Reply #42 on: Dec 11th, 2002, 9:50am » |
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I emailed Cathy yesterday.
This responce realy pulled my chain.
Hey get a life.....
Wes nicked my fags once that was bad.
----- Original Message -----
From: dohfq
To: wesley.boorman@ntlworld.com
Sent: Tuesday, December 10, 2002 10:56 PM
Subject: Med stealing!
I usally dont like posting email but this is unforgivable!
DOUGL
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Cathi
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Re: Confessions (I need forgiveness)
« Reply #43 on: Dec 11th, 2002, 10:00am » |
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There's a LITTLE part of this that Cathy has forgotten to include here- this did NOT happen yesterday- it was something that occurred quite awhile ago- this from a pm she sent to me.
It seems to me, if it happened ssooo long ago, and Cathy is still "fessing up to it", she is abundantly aware of the heinous crime she committed.....and she's had time to prove herself trustworthy to Wes.
Cathy, did you post this so that, once and for all, it could be over? Had you/would you/could you EVEN consider ever doing something like this again? I KNOW the answer.....of course not!!
It'll never happen again, I know-you and Wes just take care of each other!
Cathi
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Margi
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Re: Confessions (I need forgiveness)
« Reply #44 on: Dec 11th, 2002, 10:02am » |
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unbelievable. Taking someone's smokes is grounds to take their meds in return?
Normally, I'm against posting private emails in a forum like this, but I'm glad you shed a little more light on this one for us, Doug.
And, Cathi (not Cathy, the 'supporter')? No use trying to spread your sunshine on this one. This community will not forgive this one. Ever.
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| « Last Edit: Dec 11th, 2002, 10:05am by Margi » |
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Gani
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Re: Confessions (I need forgiveness)
« Reply #45 on: Dec 11th, 2002, 10:13am » |
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gettiing silly
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fubar
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Re: Confessions (I need forgiveness)
« Reply #46 on: Dec 11th, 2002, 11:37am » |
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I'm just at a loss for words to explain all the thoughts going through my head right now...
Cathy, it's easy for a lot of people here to say "bad bad cathy... you would never survive pulling that shit on me..." but your relationship with Wes is obviously above that kind of nonsense.
However
If I was in a cluster, and I knew my supporter had denied me access to the meds just to spite me for some other offense, I would fucking lose it, big time. Who knows if I would ever forgive, but you didn't do this to me, so who cares?
What puzzles me the most is this... why the hell post something like that here? I mean, if you need forgiveness, get it from the only people who can give it to you... namely Wes, youself, and your (insert diety here). There is nothing (NOTHING) to be gained by posting that here, except to stir up the shit (quite a bit, I might add). Nobody here is going to understand how Wes could forgive you, and it sounds like he did already, so again, why post here? It makes me wonder.
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oringkid
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Re: Confessions (I need forgiveness)
« Reply #47 on: Dec 11th, 2002, 12:28pm » |
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No, CH won't kill you, and I have gone without meds for many years. However, one of the things that bothers me the most about this is what first came to my mind when reading this.
"WHY? What were the thoughts going through her mind when she did this? What did she think she was going to accomplish? What exactly, does she think of CH? Does she think that those meds are just a crutch? Does she actually believe that CH is just a made up condition?"
If I took meds, and someone took them from me, being without them would not bother me half as much as contemplating the obvious and intentional cruelty of the act. I think that is probably what we all object to the most here. We have all gone through CH attacks without meds. Been there, done that and probably will again. But the idea of someone whom we thought loved us, and whom we trusted, doing something like that, must make us step back and reevaluate this person.
Sorry Cathy, but I, like many of the others here, also cannot understand, not only why you would do it, but why tell us? I know that it is impossible for those who do not suffer from CH to truly comprehend the severity of the attacks. But by telling us this, you are underlining one of our greatest frustrations...the fact that few people can or will take us and this affiction seriously.
Your husband has forgiven you, and he is the only one who can. I can't believe that you thought that we would be understanding and laugh about it with you. That shows more than anything else how little you understand this disease.
Ok, I'm done. Just had to get that out, cuz I, like Margi, have been contemplating this, trying to get a grip on it.
Sherry
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cootie
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Re: Confessions (I need forgiveness)
« Reply #48 on: Dec 11th, 2002, 12:49pm » |
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Wouldn't this sorta thing fall under the act of 'gettin in the last word' type deal....literally....I mean bein so despret ta get yer point across you'd go for the low blow.....make the other person suffer wether they got your point or not......wether right or wrong.....guess what...an " I " won self satisfaction feelin by doin that ?? People do strange scarey things when in a rage.....not that any of it is good..........
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brain_cramps
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Re: Confessions (I need forgiveness)
« Reply #49 on: Dec 11th, 2002, 12:53pm » |
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ok... 50 replies...i think this horse is dead... lets move on
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