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Topic: Lets switch gears/slightly! (Read 2256 times) |
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jonny
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Lets hear your war stories on Christmas......the gift, the realitive, the gathering.....etc.
Everyone has one, whats yours?
.......................jonny
(My thoughts are with you, Jim  .....)
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marty
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Re: Lets switch gears/slightly!
« Reply #1 on: Dec 24th, 2002, 8:36pm » |
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Okay Jonny..
It will have to be that early morning, December 24th many years ago..
I lived on a farm and we had plenty of forrest surrounding us and every year, at daybreak, I would go out and cut our tree together with my German Sherherd named Captain. He was a big dog and he just loved to pull - we had made a special harness for him.
This year, a friend of mine from work wanted to come along and cut a tree for his family and I had agreed. So, my friend and I set out together with my dog - all dressed up in his harness and glitter and bells that my girlfriend at the time, had added to the dogs outfit..
We found our trees and hooked the dog up to them. The snow was not that deep so we figured that he could pull both.
The dog, using all his strength, pulled so hard and the trees barely moved. There were two extra leather straps attached to the harness so my friend took one and I took the other and we pulled. The trees dragged behind us on the snow and we headed back home.
After a few steps, one of the trees got caught in something, and the dog got frustrated and "grabbed" onto the first thing that he found with his teeth.. my friends butt! And did the dog ever get a good hold - and using that as a leverage, the dog pulled even harder, my friend screamed but the dog would not let go at first - his priority was to get the trees home..
Anyway, many stitches and many years later my friend is still my friend.. but I sure wish that I had brought a camera that early Christmas morning..
Marty
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suzy617
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Re: Lets switch gears/slightly!
« Reply #2 on: Dec 24th, 2002, 8:51pm » |
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When I was little all the grandchildren, aunts and uncles would go to my grandparents house and every year my uncle would dress up as santa and give out our gifts. We would get so excited. This one particular year, my uncle took the santa outfit out of moth balls, had a few drinks and put the suit on. Needless to say, santa came in and passed out right in front of all the screaming children from the fumes. We had to rush santa to the ER but turned out he was ok. I thought it was so horrible and didnt understand for years why the adults roared with laughter about the story.
suzy
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Ted
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Re: Lets switch gears/slightly!
« Reply #3 on: Dec 24th, 2002, 8:54pm » |
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I remember one year when I was a little kid I woke up on December 25th, I think it was, and came out of my bedroom to find this tree in our living room and there were presents under it. I opened mine up. That was nice.
Oh yeah. There was also this stocking with my name on it on the fireplace mantel. There were smaller gifts and candy in it.
Sorry folks. The film rights to my story have already been sold.
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suzy617
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Re: Lets switch gears/slightly!
« Reply #4 on: Dec 24th, 2002, 9:03pm » |
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LMAO Ted! Geez, if that ever happened to me, I'd freak out. Imagine the horror of it all. ;D
suzy
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jonny
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Re: Lets switch gears/slightly!
« Reply #5 on: Dec 24th, 2002, 9:56pm » |
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Marty,
That is a story to be told for years to come.
Suzy,
I'm about to die laughing -----Fuckin christ is that funny!!!!!!
Need a new santa?.......LOL
.......................jonny
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ShariRae
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Re: Lets switch gears/slightly!
« Reply #6 on: Dec 24th, 2002, 10:11pm » |
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welp.. here goes...I always did this thing for my kids...sprinkled "reindeer poop" on the porch roof....a lil in the yard..and some in the living room (Santa tracked it in) now mind you...these were actually Goobers & Raisinettes candies...well..i hadnt been thinkin & did the usual reindeer poop thang....and this was my first Christmas with a dog...and much to my surprise...we woke up to no reindeer poop but dog barf alll over the house..and furniture..and presents....whoops!! try to explain to 2 cryin kids why the reindeer poop wasnt there(they thought Santa didnt come) and why their dog wont even lift his head..and why the whole damn house is covered with dog barf..Merry Freekin Christmas!
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cootie
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Re: Lets switch gears/slightly!
« Reply #7 on: Dec 24th, 2002, 11:56pm » |
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Friends 'please fergive me fer this one'.......but I got so drunk at a Xmas party (was major stressed out)....I got talked inta bein part of a lingerie auction.....gawd.....I'll never live that one down.....geeze.....(ps: nothin tacky or perverted deal....wasn't like that at all...was a public place).....how embarrassing !!!! Oh my.....I try not ta mix drinkin with holiday stress at Xmas parties now......ha-ha....Pam
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| « Last Edit: Dec 24th, 2002, 11:58pm by cootie » |
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catlind
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Re: Lets switch gears/slightly!
« Reply #8 on: Dec 25th, 2002, 10:53am » |
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Well, I'd have to say there are rather a long list of stories.... the tree was always the favourite. It was mine and Dad's job to go get the real tree. And EVERY year, no matter how hard we tried, we were sure we had the straightest fullest tree!
We'd get home and Mom would swear at us, because the trunk looked like a lightning bolt and the bare patches were all over!
Then there was the year with the forgotten yams and the half cooked turkey, but that's just scarey; The best was when Mom made lemon meringue pie, and in her haste didn't realize she hadn't cooled it. Have you ever had HOT lemon meringue pie?!? I puckered so tight, my jaw locked and it was a good 20 min. before the muscles in my mouth relaxed enough for me to open my mouth again. My mom says that was the only 20 min. in my life I was quiet LOL.
But this particular xmas, when we were kids, and 'Santa' had a little too much to drink the night before, didn't want to get up so we could open presents. So we decided to have some fun!!!
We decided that we'd add to his 'cotton mouth' with some cotton eyebrows and beard! LOL
Cat
Merry Christmas Dad, I love you 
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| « Last Edit: Dec 25th, 2002, 11:00am by catlind » |
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don
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Re: Lets switch gears/slightly!
« Reply #9 on: Dec 25th, 2002, 12:42pm » |
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Jail.
Xmas eve, drunker tham a shit house mouse.
Call taxi, tell driver to take me to Golden Pheasant Cafe in Fall River, a 24 hour gin mill.
Pass out in taxi.
Drivers wakes up don, your here, get out.
don gets out, taxi leaves.
don is at closed Golden Pheasant Cafe in the woods,
IN LAKEVILLE, 25 miles from Fall River.
don says "thats not right, bar closed at 3 am on Christmas morning"
don opens bar
Refer to first sentence.
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| « Last Edit: Dec 25th, 2002, 12:57pm by don » |
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catlind
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Re: Lets switch gears/slightly!
« Reply #10 on: Dec 25th, 2002, 12:49pm » |
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Great.....
We don't need to impeach our president, he's already done time! ROFL
Cat
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A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart
If yer gonna be stupid, ya gotta be tough
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Charlie
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Re: Lets switch gears/slightly!
« Reply #11 on: Dec 25th, 2002, 1:11pm » |
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The holidays were remarkably dull except for the year grandmother was on work-release. This was good because things always went well when she was around. It was her idea to make everyone check their firearms at the door. She hated leftovers.
Anyway, it was an idyllic family gathering. After eating Aunt Hortense’s popular Christmas brownies, the whole bunch always got along better. Things went well until dad, that mischievous fellow, decided to show everyone his invisibility ray. We never forgave the idiot for testing it standing in front of the hall mirror. Anyway, after the mandatory seven year wait, mom remarried and grandmother never again made the family check their guns. 
Actually, it would be nice to have some great story but ours were worse than Ted’s. Nothing happens at our Christmases, it seems. No one ever gets too drunk or stuck in an airport. So far, they’ve been incredibly boring.....great for me when I was a kid, though. 
Hope you all have a great, safe, and pain-free day.
Charlie
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| « Last Edit: Dec 25th, 2002, 1:14pm by Charlie » |
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jonny
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Re: Lets switch gears/slightly!
« Reply #12 on: Dec 25th, 2002, 1:11pm » |
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on Dec 25th, 2002, 12:42pm, don wrote:
don says "thats not right, bar closed at 3 am on Christmas morning"
don opens bar |
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Just goes to show just how important having connections is, I knew the guy that owned a bar and the guy that owned the liquor store across the street. If I couldnt get a hold of one I always got the other to open at 3 am, Sure, I paid $75 for each case of beer but thats nothing when ya got $2000 worth of cocaine in your pocket.....LMMFAO ;D
......................jonny 
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don
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Re: Lets switch gears/slightly!
« Reply #13 on: Dec 25th, 2002, 1:31pm » |
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Quote:
My case cost a whole lot more. LMMFAO
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suzy617
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Re: Lets switch gears/slightly!
« Reply #14 on: Dec 25th, 2002, 1:56pm » |
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Jonny, Me thinks I want to party with you!  We can find a bar for Don that stays open all night.
suzy
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jonny
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Re: Lets switch gears/slightly!
« Reply #15 on: Dec 25th, 2002, 2:24pm » |
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Send pictures
........................jonny
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catlind
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Re: Lets switch gears/slightly!
« Reply #16 on: Dec 25th, 2002, 3:39pm » |
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Geez, I wasn't thinking very clearly. Here I was thinking of xmas's past, when this year itself was a horror story.
One dog named Fletcher that thinks he's a cat, one cat named Zoomie that thinks she's a dog, and another cat that is bulemic and has more neurosis than Cybil mixed with 3 children, one at the age of 2, and a mere string holding up the xmas tree.............OOOOOOOOOOPS!!
Dog knocked over the tree TWICE trying to climb on my lap, broke 4 irreplaceable ornaments, all hand painted and handed down or ones that were made when I was a child, as well as sentimental value. Cat gets mad that the dog got to play with the tree and walks up and swats off the last of the mickey collectible ornaments that was left.
Solution: 80lb test fishing line tied to the eye anchored in the wall and wrapped 7 times around the tree and knotted oh, I dunno, maybe 15 times!!!
Jonny, you want pics? I'm sure you meant of drunken Don, but here's a clusterhead on xmas morning - note the cluster hat and O2 in the background 
and just cause he's cute, here's the 2 year old that thinks ornaments on the tree are special toys for him:
Fa La La and all that shit! LOL
Cat
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jonny
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Re: Lets switch gears/slightly!
« Reply #17 on: Dec 25th, 2002, 4:15pm » |
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Oh ya!!!!, well heres me in my X-mas hat.
Fa la la la la
.......................jonny
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ave
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Re: Lets switch gears/slightly!
« Reply #18 on: Dec 25th, 2002, 7:49pm » |
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Okay, it's come clean time!
When I was seven y.o. I was in a sunday school Nativity play. I was given the role of Mary. So I was convinced I had landed the star part.
I regret to say I acted accordingly. Dressed in our teacher's blue dressing gown and a blue headscarf, I started to berate Joseph for singing out of tune, right in the middle of the play!
I don't know what the rest of the church audience thought.
But knowing, since, that I can sing appallingly out of tune on occasion, I wonder if Joseph was really that bad...
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Woobie
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Re: Lets switch gears/slightly!
« Reply #19 on: Dec 27th, 2002, 2:38am » |
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Up until THIS YEAR.. I've had to work EVERY CHRISTMAS for ten years... (soooo happy to be off this year!!!) This story is probaby stupid, but it's the only one I can remember off hand.
So one Christmas Day, 3 years ago... I was dealing Carribean Stud Poker. The jackpot was over $300,000 and I just KNEW I was gonna give it away that day..
We had had a bad month for tips, and was really wanting to give it away to increase our paychecks .. (we all split the tips with everyone.. all 200 dealers).. so I had 4 people on my game.. all of which were tippers.. so I was really wanting to give it away.
Wouldn't ya know it.. a little puke who JUST turned 21 three days before sat down and played two hands.. got the friggin Royal.. and walked away. Didn't say thank you, kiss my ass. .. NOTHIN! He walked with over $220,000 (taxes) and didn't even acknowledge my presence.
It ruined my whole Christmas.. I had been my usual cute, charming, and witty self when he got to the table.. I said HI and told him I liked his hat.. (he had a DR SUESS hat on.. I will NEVER forget).. and we talked about how he got that hat for his birthday.. three days ago.. he just turned 21.. and I said "did you get drunk for the FIRST time".. (joking.. because we all know they always get drunk welll before they're legal).. and he laughed and I laughed.. the whole table laughed..
I even helped him play the game.. he had NO clue what to do. He didn't even know he had a Royal. He asked me "What is this.. ?"
I said, "OMG.. you have a royal flush... put it down and back up your ante!!!!!"
I clapped for him and said "CONGRATULATIONS HONEY!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! MERRY CHRISTMAS - WOO HOO"
He said "What's that pay?" I pointed to the jackpot sign..and then.. BAM.. I don't exist anymore.
I even had tears in my eyes and was clapping my hands for him when I gave it to him... I was SOO happy for him. WTF???
I was really hoping to make our paychecks better!! It had been such a bad bad month for all of us - and I felt so bad for everyone I work with. I felt like I let them down. I sat in the breakroom... half crying, half so pissed off I could have quit my job right there. Maybe he thought I was making fun of his hat.. maybe I shouldn't have asked him if it was the first time he got drunk. Maybe I embarrassed him. It was all in fun.. and he was laughing and joking too.. but I still beat myself up for it for a long, long time.
It's not so much the money.. but he could have atleast said HEY THANKS. Maybe a Merrry Christmas. 
And the moral of this story is.? ?? ?? ?? ?? ??
I Have NO IDEA! But it was the only thing that I could remember.. because nothing exciting ever happens in my life. And you asked.. so there ya go! (sorry!!) 
Merry Christmas, Ya'll...
Tina
PS.. I haven't been on Carribean Stud on Christmas since - or any other holiday, for that matter!!....LOL 
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| « Last Edit: Dec 27th, 2002, 2:48am by Woobie » |
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Brassbear
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Re: Lets switch gears/slightly!
« Reply #20 on: Dec 27th, 2002, 7:41am » |
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This goes way back. It was a tradition with my step fathers family for all of the men to go rabbit hunting after Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner. The first year that I got to go the only shot gun left for me to use was an old 10 guage magnum with a damascus barrel. It weighed almost as much as I did. Anyway, we no more than stepped into the woods and I saw a rabbit sitting by a brush pile. I raised the shot gun and dad screamed "NO!", but it was too late. I had already fired the gun which nearly knocked me on my ass. I went over to get the rabbit but I couldn't find it. Dad says "You see this fur floating around here? Well, that's all that's left of your rabbit." He was not amused.
Then there was the year we got a cut Christmas tree which had gotten frozen. The cat bumped into it on Christmas day and the only thing on the tree was bulbs and lights. All the needles fell to the floor!
and we won't talk about THIS Christmas which has it's own story....
Michael
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Roxy
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Re: Lets switch gears/slightly!
« Reply #21 on: Dec 27th, 2002, 10:35am » |
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Your rabbit hunting story brought back one of my favorite Christmas stories.
It was Christmas evening, and my brother and his wife had driven up from Dallas. They decided to go hunting. It had rained liked hell that day (this was before the era of cell phones), and it was dark. So they were actually going spotlighting, which is illegal, even if you are on your own land. My sister-in-law politely declined going with them, and stayed in town. About midnight, I had a nasty feeling they were probably really stuck in the mud somewhere, and when you stick a 3/4 ton truck....you are really stuck. We waited....waited....waited. Started gathering up coats and gloves...going to have to go look for the damn idiots, when we get a call from the county jail. The game warden had caught them spotlighting...confiscated their guns...all 4 of them...and had hauled them to jail...plus they had stuck the truck!!! We had to drive the hour round trip to jail, then go get the tractor, drive it at 22mph to where they were stuck....slug through the mud to pull them out.
My brother told the game warden that there was no way he could appear in court the next day...he had to be in Dallas at work. The game warden told him that if he didn't appear, it was a nice two weeks in jail minimum. So, needless to say my brother had to miss work the next day to go before the judge... so it cost him a days pay, plus $2500 each for a fine....then they got their guns back.
Just a little more expensive Christmas than we had planned!!! And thank God this was before they revoked the open container law in Texas...
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| « Last Edit: Dec 27th, 2002, 10:36am by Roxy » |
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Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. (Einstein)
I used to have a handle on life....but it broke.
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BobG
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Re: Lets switch gears/slightly!
« Reply #22 on: Dec 27th, 2002, 1:31pm » |
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I could tell you a story about Christmas Eve/Christmas morning 1967 when our allies, every one of them Buddhists, took the holidays off and I learned the meaning of word triage.
But I won’t.
Hope every one is enjoying the holidays
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Ted
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Re: Lets switch gears/slightly!
« Reply #23 on: Dec 27th, 2002, 5:18pm » |
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Hey Bob. I didn't know you were one of the people under seige during the Tet offensive. It amazes me how some people who you've spent years caring about and protecting, even when it puts you in danger, choose Christmastime to allow you to suffer and even may take glee watching the proverbial crows peck your eyes and ravaged body.
Can you tell I'm following the directions in your tagline? 
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| « Last Edit: Dec 27th, 2002, 5:20pm by Ted » |
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BobG
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Re: Lets switch gears/slightly!
« Reply #24 on: Dec 27th, 2002, 5:29pm » |
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I had my 21st birthday on the second day of Tet.
Stay stressed Ted..........it's good for ya
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