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Topic: A new kind of fear (Read 1106 times) |
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Jarvis
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Re: A new kind of fear
« Reply #25 on: Jan 18th, 2003, 2:09pm » |
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Fubar- sorry to hear about your attacks again bro. I'm gonna ramble a little here......We cant often know what will help others........One of my cycles went on for 3 years. I had daily attacks back to back of 2 hrs each consisting of 10 -12 attacks a day. All attacks were definately on and above the k10 scale. This left me daily with about an hour to rest and often I would not sleep for days on end. Imagine 3 years without enuff sleep for most to exist... In this period absolutely no meds had any effect whatsoever. I learned things that you can only find at the top of the mountain about myself and pain..The one saving grace was that eventually they eased up to about a k4 each time but returned full blast before they could ease fully...My family fell apart, my business at the time went into oblivion, I lost most things I held dear except my self worth. Fortunately I found ways to survive.........On the meditation prescribed by charlie I used a similar technigue but very different. I concentrate wholly on the pain, blocking out absolutely any external distraction, even when there are many, and actually go into the pain to the point that I could actually see it and see myself floating above it and watching myself crouched in the corner. I could see my very soul just as it has been described by many shamen. It was extreme pain that allowed this to be and only extreme pain that will allow me to do this again... I learned this mostly on my own as no amount of teaching can allow this.Though I did study continuosly the ways of the mystic arts as modern science had no answers for my pain..If any have tried pure LSD they may have had similar eperiences..I was not using it but had in years past. The mind is a powerfull tool on its own. Its amazing what can be done with just the mind. You can actually convert the pain to an item and disassociate yourself from it. Sleep deprivation may help. In that period I "never" feared the attacks as I do now. I only saw them as a battle to be won much as a warrior would step into the fray........In the end I would stand and walk throw my hands in the air and shout to the gods "is that all you got" bring it on and it was as if the clouds parted and the intensity of the blue sky was magnified a thousandfold. The intensity of the pain was replaced by the intensity of pleasure in all that surrounded me and then it was right back to do it all over again. I know that many will say WTF the guys way out there but so be it. Since then I do ok and am still heavily afflicted with CH. But I know that I can kick the beasts ass any time he wants to try again. And try he does........Fubar I am glad to see you kicked his ass too cause you just experienced the best he's got. It doesnt get much worse unless they repeat continuously and forever. Then you just enter a different reality and get to win the battles on a regular basis. Nothing like constant victory to keep ones ego going. Few will ever get to experience the pure pain and pleasure that goes with these kind of victories. You are one of the lucky ones who knows that nothing can exceed what you have allready beaten.
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Jarvis
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Re: A new kind of fear
« Reply #26 on: Jan 18th, 2003, 2:18pm » |
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By the way I'd kinda like to see Martha Stewart naked. ;D
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Mark C
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Onward through the fog.
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Re: A new kind of fear
« Reply #27 on: Jan 18th, 2003, 3:06pm » |
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on Jan 18th, 2003, 2:18pm, Jarvis wrote:| By the way I'd kinda like to see Martha Stewart naked. ;D |
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ME TOO......you know some of us are sicker than others!
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Laurie
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I'm so sorry you had such a terrible one, Fubar :( But I like your post because it really drives home the point that CH is about 2 things: pain and fear. Our neuros can give us meds to help us manage the pain, but only here (thanks, DJ!) can we get support for the fear part.
I've never discussed my fears with my neuro. I suppose I felt embarrassed, which is silly of me. Have any of you folks? Did it help?
<<every attack just makes me scared to death that it won't end, and I don't know but I think that might also be making it worse. Who knows. >>
I hope you don't guilty about being afraid. It is normal to be afraid when you know you are about to experience unbearable pain. You are NOT making your pain worse by being afraid.
Since a CH episode is both physically and mentally disabling, I think it's really important to prep before each headache hits. Here are some suggestions:
1) Have your O2 aparatus as "ready-to-go" as possible, so it takes the minimal amount of effort to use. If you have a secondary abortant (Imitrex, etc.), have that nearby and ready to go as a back-up.
2) Before the headache, promise yourself that cluster headaches don't go on forever. During the headache, keep a clock or watch nearby that is big enough or close enough to see when you are disabled. Write down the time you start your abortant, so you know when your abortant will kick in.
3) Even in a Kip 10, I figure I can make it 5 more minutes. When I can write, I give myself a check-mark or a star on a piece of paper for every 5 minutes I complete. Hey, gold stars worked for me in elementary school, and they work for me now.
4) I have a message that I deliver to myself if I get a Kip 10. Something like: "I know the pain is unbearable, but it will not last forever. I can get through this."
Laurie
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Lenny
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I love YaBB 1G - SP1!
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Re: A new kind of fear
« Reply #29 on: Jan 18th, 2003, 4:42pm » |
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Fubar,
i am very sorry that you had to exp.an attack that long.In the past i used to get hit with one of those on the avg.of once a month( prior to being introduced to Imitrex ( inj. )summer of 98 or 99.I was convinced that i did not suffer from clusters due to the length of time of my attacks( i used to argue with each and everyone of my ex-neou. about this).All the bullshit i could get my hands on ( books,hospital studies,etc. )have always claimed that the attacks last from 10 - 90 minutes("BULLSHIT" ).
ON monday( jan.6)i was at my doc.office to get a prescription to give to the cardiologist( they put me on this ekg machine that you take home wear it for 24 - hours)i am chronic and the only thing that helps me as far as aborting is Imitrex ( inj.)oxygen does not do squat for me  .So i am in his office and here is this youg lady sitting there as well( let me add that she's fine as wine )turns out she's a clusterheade,i told her about this site and she immedately starts to get upset ( i was baffled,im thinking another fuckin nut - i always seem to find them )turns out that she was on a thread that was posted ( if my memory is correct between sept.14-oct.14 )"HOW LONG WAS YOUR LONGEST ATTACK",something in those lines. She was so upset of how people flamed on her and everyone else who have posted about their long attacks( i was one aswell ).After reading this post from Fubar,and everyone else,i noticed that there are some of the so called experts that flamed on the people that have long attacks,now you have exp. them aswell "WTF".For those of you that have not suffered an attack that long,rather than flaming on people that do ,consider yourself "VERY LUCKY" that you dont. For all of you that are reading this please mark those dates and the topic and look in the" Message Archives" when it becomes available,you will see what i am talking about.Too many of you beleive all the text book and data you read about our condition. PFDAN to all. BTW fubar if i can help you in anyway please dont hesitate!!!!!!!!
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yes a newbie,unfortunately not to the beast!!!Chronic - Clusterhead
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Jarvis
New Board Old Timer
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Posts: 251
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Re: A new kind of fear
« Reply #30 on: Jan 18th, 2003, 8:09pm » |
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......LOL Mark.......... On the fear factor, who was it that said "there is nothing to fear but fear itself" I know that may not apply to clusters.. But it may be usefull all the same because we can all beat this beast eventually. Wether it be 10 minutes or 23 hrs, allways we overcome.
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Ree
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2008's my year to shine~SUN IS OUT!!!YAY
    
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Re: A new kind of fear
« Reply #31 on: Jan 18th, 2003, 9:21pm » |
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I just wanted to say GREAT POSTS EVERYONE FUBAR YOU ARE LOVED.... FEEL BETTER LOVE REE
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Proud Mom to US ARMY Kiowa OH58 PILOT~CWO2 SCOTT Hawaii, & USMC Vet~Now POLICE OFFICER SEAN, Citizen of the Month~ Breezy~ Nana 4 Matt/Mike&Aya, MIL To Shino Wife to Dave HI BILL!http://www.myspace.com/dungareespocket http://www.prohawaiian.com
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