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        New Message Board Archives >> 2003 Posts >> Need another critique
        
(Message started by: athos12 on Dec 9^th, 2003, 10:32pm)

Title: Need another critique
Post by athos12 on Dec 9^th, 2003, 10:32pm

here is an ad that I just finished for a national golf mag...... my first national ad!!!!

Let me know what you think....

http://www.inovion.com/~reality/downloads/magazine-Layout10.jpg

BTW the memberships are only $35,000 for a life time and 4,300 annaul dues... Hell that is a lot of damn money for Golf...

Title: Re: Need another critique
Post by ClusterChuck on Dec 9^th, 2003, 10:59pm

Looks great, Athos!!! Good job!
Nice layout. Appealing photo. Simple, to the point.
Chuck

Title: Re: Need another critique
Post by grumpett on Dec 9^th, 2003, 11:11pm

Well, I don't know alot about advertizing, But...... If I had that kinda money to play golf, I would certanly chose that one. But then again, What do I know.

Any thing on sports bars?

Title: Re: Need another critique
Post by Charlie on Dec 9^th, 2003, 11:16pm

Sign me up.

I'll knock over 835 gas stations for a down payment

Looks great from here. Quiet too

Charlie

Title: Re: Need another critique
Post by Little Deb on Dec 9^th, 2003, 11:19pm

Hi. Don't know you, but since you asked for general opinions... can I tell you my 2 cents??

hhmmmm....clean desert mountain air...

i am not sure desert air is clean.....
how about just...clean mountain air...

but if you want all of it, shouldn't there be a comma after clean? or a slash between desert/mountain, cause desert isn't an adjective of mountain. i don't think.

next: the paragraph "The quality......

I'm thinking it is too long of a sentence. How about:

The quality atmosphere and service you would expect at a private golf club. This exclusive, gated, master-planned community centers around an Arnold Palmer Signature Golf Course and is waiting for you. Come join us at The Refuge Golf Club.

And at the bottom, shouldn't there be a comma between Lake Havasu and Arizona??

ok, shutting up now.....little deb

All the rest looks AWESOME!!!!!!

Title: Re: Need another critique
Post by cootie on Dec 9^th, 2003, 11:29pm

Very nicely done....I like it !!!! Sending in my membership now......breakin out the monopoly money ! I doubt I'd meet there criteria Pam [smiley=nono.gif]

Title: Re: Need another critique
Post by thomas on Dec 10^th, 2003, 9:05am

Looks good, when's our tee-time? ;)

Title: Re: Need another critique
Post by athos12 on Dec 10^th, 2003, 10:17am

Thanks for the feedback......

I especially appreciate your comments Little Deb.... I like people being critical of my work.... help me to be better.