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        New Message Board Archives >> 2003 Posts >> HOLY CRAP!!
        
(Message started by: 172Driver on Dec 18^th, 2003, 12:32am)

Title: HOLY CRAP!!
Post by 172Driver on Dec 18^th, 2003, 12:32am

Unbelievable, I go away for a couple of blissfully pain free years and come back to this! FAN - f***ing- tastic!!

DJ, you must be the most amazed at the progress CH.com has made in such a short time period. God bless you and congratulations. You are probably tired of hearing it but you have definately made a difference in the world and we appreciate it.

What has become of the old timers? I pray you have all found your cures and moved on. Bob P? drummer? Bernadette? Kipple? Nancy's funnies. Are any of you still out there? I have often thought of CarlD.

To those of you I have yet to have the pleasure of meeting my name is Greg. I have had these pesky headaches for 10 years. Same thing all the time. Lots of pain and drugs (and money) and then it's over. It is always good to have company ; ). I told my story when I first found CH.com and received some amazing emails from people that were able to relate, and it gave them comfort. In my arrogance, I will post it again in the hopes that it will the same effect on those who have not read it before.

The Dance

I wake up. Time is everything and nothing all at once.
It doesn't matter what time it is but everything from here on out is timed to the minute. I invest 30 seconds to lay perfectly still on the hopes that this isn't what it
always is. A wasted 30 seconds everytime.

I look at the clock, 4:47 that means it is probably
my third headache of the night, but worse it means SOL, no more Imitrex today. Time to buck up. I slip out of bed as quietly as possible but she always wakes up. She gives me that "please tell me there is something I can do" look as I kiss her on the forehead. I smile and say I wish there was something too. In truth her presence breaks my focus which is my only weapon. It is also still very humbling to have her see me this way.

Time is wasting and the pain is building. My face
starts to flush while the pain in my eye continues to
grow. I head to the kitchen, my little battlefield.
On the way I turn the AC down to 60 - it has to be cold.
I note the time 4:53. It's going to last one hour. I
can do ANYTHING for one hour.

Ice wrapped in a wet towel first, it slows the pain.
4:59 pain is almost full blown now. My right eye (always,
always, always the right) is practically swolen shut.
No matter, the room is as dark as I can make it and there is nothing to see. The saliva in my mouth thickens and I know it is time to start pacing. I know the house well in the dark now, getting around is done by memory.

5:11 Its been 18 minutes, only 42 more to go. The
pain persists and I switch to heat. A towel with water
as hot as(often hotter than) I can stand. Heat then cold
always pacing - always switching - never stop, thats what it wants. Thats when it gets you. Never stop.

5:24 Its been 31 minutes, only 29 to go. I have never
understood how this happens but the pain actually intensifies. I don't know it its the same pain beating me down or if it actually is getting worse. I think its like trying to figure out if three or four thousand pounds was just dropped on your head. This is it, this is the battle.

The hot and cold no longer have any effect (if they ever did). The pain is blinding and this is when I break. First
the vomiting then the sobbing. I actually hear the voices
fighting in my head. I fight desperately to regain
my composure and my focus. I've lost my focus, only
pain now. Only pain. Only pain.

5:40 I muster the strength to see the time. It is
my lifeline. I KNOW it will end soon. Without that
knowledge I would never have made it this far.
I begin to regain my composure. The pacing and the
heat resume. Thirteen minutes...twelve minutes...eleven
min FREEZE - DON'T MOVE A MUSCLE, not a hair. Right here,right now, in this exact position, the pain is less.
Tonight I am facing the floor, sometimes the ceiling,
sometimes still on the floor unable to walk. But if I
don't move...focus...don't move. I snap to - it is 5:17 now I have been standing dead still for seven minutes as though it were two seconds. The pain returns but I know I have got it beat now. Time is on my side.

At this point I can physically feel the pain leaving
my eye. I can feel a wall that I control to thwart any
more pain. I finally sit, bewildered, exhausted, drained,
and empty. The pain is gone now. The alarm clock goes
off in the other room. It is 6:00 time for work. Not
a chance in hell. All I can think of now is sleep to
regain my strenght. After all, I have do this over
again in three hours.

This is my Dance now. It is who I am, for now.

Greg

Title: Re: HOLY CRAP!!
Post by Linda_Howell on Dec 18^th, 2003, 12:41am

except for Drummer...we're all still here.

and yes....DJ has to know what an impact he's made on our lives. If he doesn't it won't because no one has told him so in the last 5 years.

Linda H

Title: Re: HOLY CRAP!!
Post by BlueMeanie on Dec 18^th, 2003, 12:52am

Hello Greg,

Glad to meet you. You sure could not have said the dance any better than that.

I guess that's what makes this site so unique to all of us. No one else could ever dream of understanding what you wrote.

PFDAN

Title: Re: HOLY CRAP!!
Post by taraann on Dec 18^th, 2003, 1:26am

Nice to meet ya Greg, sorry you have the pain again. Great way of expressing the HELL tho. Brought tears, lotsa ppl on here have been doing that to me lately! ;)

Title: UN HOLY CRAP!!
Post by Mr.Happy on Dec 18^th, 2003, 1:57am

Hey ya, Greg.

Quote:

What has become of the old timers?

Attrition of time, mostly.
Bob P is now throwing tomatoes.
drummer? Bernadette? Kipple? Nancy? They're either lurking, pissed off, or stumbled across Darwin on a bad day.
Carl D is active, but having trouble playing a C chord. He needs sleep.
Linda's still blonde.

Shroomers (http://www.clusterbusters.com/) are making progress,
RJ

Title: Re: HOLY CRAP!!
Post by Woobie on Dec 18^th, 2003, 3:08am

Hi there........... nice to meetcha.

What was your name the last time you were here?

anyhow - i'm woobie - wife and supporter of cerberus. Stick around................................. ;)

tina

Title: Re: HOLY CRAP!!
Post by Charlie on Dec 18^th, 2003, 4:52am

Welcome back Greg. I'm not sure I know you but I'm certainly an old timer.....not necessarily here.....been here since Sept. 2000 though.

No one acts as old as Hap though...... ::)

Charlie

Title: Re: HOLY CRAP!!
Post by 172Driver on Dec 18^th, 2003, 4:57am

[except for Drummer...we're all still here.

Figuring out how to reply to a post. Please hang with me. Did drummer get some relief?

Title: Re: UN HOLY CRAP!!
Post by 172Driver on Dec 18^th, 2003, 5:00am

on 12/18/03 at 01:57:28, Mr.Happy wrote:

Hey ya, Greg.

Attrition of time, mostly.
Bob P is now throwing tomatoes.
drummer? Bernadette? Kipple? Nancy? They're either lurking, pissed off, or stumbled across Darwin on a bad day.
Carl D is active, but having trouble playing a C chord. He needs sleep.
Linda's still blonde.

Shroomers (http://www.clusterbusters.com/) are making progress,
RJ

Awesome link. Will need to do a little more reading on the topic. Whish I had known about it back in college!!

Greg

Title: Re: HOLY CRAP!!
Post by 172Driver on Dec 18^th, 2003, 5:06am

on 12/18/03 at 03:08:50, Woobie wrote:

Hi there........... nice to meetcha.

What was your name the last time you were here?

anyhow - i'm woobie - wife and supporter of cerberus. Stick around................................. ;)

tina

Hiya Woobie! I have had a couple of names. Everytime I come back around some one has had the nerve to steal my name. At least I know they suffered for it ;) lol.

I was just plain old Greg in 1999, nobody had cool names back then and the page only refreshed every month! In 2001 I was Grego.

I will stick around until you tire of me.....

G

Title: Re: HOLY CRAP!!
Post by 172Driver on Dec 18^th, 2003, 5:09am

on 12/18/03 at 04:52:30, Charlie wrote:

Welcome back Greg. I'm not sure I know you but I'm certainly an old timer.....not necessarily here.....been here since Sept. 2000 though.

No one acts as old as Hap though...... ::)

Charlie

Don't think we've crossed paths here. I was digging through the archives and found my first post was the same week (that was how often the pages refreshed) as the Kip Scale was first published. Seems like a million years ago in CH time.

Thanks for the tip on Hap. I will be sure and let him act older ;) It is good to learn the ropes!!

G

Title: Re: HOLY CRAP!!
Post by BarbaraD on Dec 18^th, 2003, 5:16am

Welcome home Greg. I think Drummer went off in search of Budah or something. You know Drummer...

The old town has changed a whole lot since you were here last. Got red lights and everything. Population has increased too. More and more folks have moved in.

Heck I've been here long enough (since 1998) to remember the first time you posted your dance. It was awesome then and still is.

OUCH is up and going strong. Had four conventions since 2000 (five if you want to count the one in Drummer's garage).

Kip is still in Jupiter (FL that is) and doing well. He's out of cycle and taking care of his lovely Judy who's been ill for a couple of years.

Almost everyone is still around, just lurking and posting when they need to. Stick around and do some supporting....

Hugs Barbara D

Title: Re: HOLY CRAP!!
Post by Turts on Dec 18^th, 2003, 5:39am

Hey Greg,
I wish i did not have to welcome you back but since you are here, I d like tosay gday and its a pleasure to make your aquaintance

Turts

Title: Re: HOLY CRAP!!
Post by 172Driver on Dec 18^th, 2003, 7:22am

on 12/18/03 at 05:16:51, BarbaraD wrote:

Barb! Was it just Barb D in the old days or am I enjoying my meds a little too much this evening? Glad/sad to see you either way!

I bought a fancy OUCH shirt on the last go around but am probably due to pony up again.

I was really hoping that I would show up and there would just be a memo on the front page saying that the new cure for CH was to drink 5 colorado bulldogs, get a 2 hour full body massage, and sleep for 9 hours on your left side. All of which would be covered by insurance as it is for medicinal purposes. I guess you guys have just been in here slacking all this time!

No worries. I will get to work on the cure and report back. Good to visit again. Am happy to support, just point me in the right direction and stand back!

Greg

p.s. I hope Buddha has granted him peace. I will never comprehend how the chronic folks do it.

Title: Re: HOLY CRAP!!
Post by jadedgazer on Dec 18^th, 2003, 8:42am

Nice to meet you Greg and welcome home.

Title: Re: HOLY CRAP!!
Post by Elaine on Dec 18^th, 2003, 9:09am

Welcome back Greg! Its not really different the family has gotten bigger and most of the old timers are still around, the boards just different but the place and people are all just as good as before just more of us.
I am sure you will get the same responce to The Dance as you did back then!

Title: Re: HOLY CRAP!!
Post by Bob P on Dec 18^th, 2003, 10:01am

Hey Greg. Still here. Just don't post as often. Been ok for 2 years but am due for another cluster this summer. We'll see I've become too old and ornery for these things.

The place grows and changes but always remains the same. Just a bunch of clusterheads finding solace in one another.

The only relief drummer found was getting away from hub by not posting any more. I'm not so lucky. Freakin hub is like a dog constantly trying to hump my leg. It feels good to him but I don't appreciate it much!

And so it goes.

Good to see ya again.

Bob P

Title: Re: HOLY CRAP!!
Post by TomM on Dec 18^th, 2003, 10:06am

on 12/18/03 at 10:01:55, Bob P wrote:

Freakin hub is like a dog constantly trying to hump my leg. It feels good to him but I don't appreciate it much!
Bob P

Is that a complaint? I don't hear a complaint. Hmmmm. ;;D

Title: Re: HOLY CRAP!!
Post by Linda_Howell on Dec 18^th, 2003, 7:38pm

"Linda is still blonde" ???????

I got a news flash for Mr. Happy....he's not gonna be happy when I see him next....lmao......See Greg, Nothing has changed really.

LindaH

Title: Re: HOLY CRAP!!
Post by Roxy on Dec 18^th, 2003, 7:56pm

Hi Greg...welcome back.

I have to say, your 'Dance' is one of the most amazing things I've ever read.

PFDAN,
Tracey

Title: Re: HOLY CRAP!!
Post by 172Driver on Dec 18^th, 2003, 10:04pm

on 12/18/03 at 19:56:33, Roxy wrote:

Hi Greg...welcome back.

I have to say, your 'Dance' is one of the most amazing things I've ever read.

PFDAN,
Tracey

It is interesting the responses that it generates. A lot of people feel a connection and aren't used to seeing the pain articulated. Others recognize if as self indulgent drivle, which of course it is. ;)

Good to meet you.

Greg

Title: Re: HOLY CRAP!!
Post by don on Dec 18^th, 2003, 11:20pm

Your description of the dance is absolutely a completely precise description of mine.

It is as if you have observed me time after time and wrote a desciption. Fucking spooky.

If it were not for the clock I would not be here today.

Title: holy shit
Post by rumplestiltskin on Dec 18^th, 2003, 11:58pm

Wassup Greg

Bernie has not been around for quite some time. She can still be seen in that old, one of the first, TV segments on CH, which is floating around somewhere. One of the Hello/goodbye club.

"Nancy's funnies"..aka Nancy Lakey still e-mails me now an then. I think she reads the board sometimes...butt doesn't post...one of those that felt "run off" by this that or the other.

Kip rarely posts. We know he's watchin.

I'm still here...after 4 1/2 years, everyone loves me now, except for a few narrow minded a$$holes. I met a clusterbabe here named Georgia and now we are married. She's half my age and wearing me down. The house that pain built!

I love wandering through our old archives....all the old folks are just a click away. Welcome to the future.

Walk in the sunshine
den
who used to be Dennis O'C

Title: Re: holy shit
Post by jonny on Dec 19^th, 2003, 11:20am

on 12/18/03 at 23:58:25, rumplestiltskin wrote:

I'm still here...after 4 1/2 years, everyone loves me now, except for a few narrow minded a$$holes.

Dont let him fool you, everyone here hates him with a passion. I for one hate him the most, I even gave him a beating at the Atlanta convention (just ask anyone that was there)

Back to the hole you troll, Saddam is waiting for you!!

......................................jonny

Title: Re: holy shit
Post by 172Driver on Dec 19^th, 2003, 12:08pm

on 12/18/03 at 23:58:25, rumplestiltskin wrote:

Wassup Greg

Bernie has not been around for quite some time. She can still be seen in that old, one of the first, TV segments on CH, which is floating around somewhere. One of the Hello/goodbye club.

Finally getting some press? Is there a list somewhere of the spots that were done?

Congrats on the marriage. I personally can't stand what I become when I am in cycle. I shudder at the thought of living with someone in my present condition. I don't think I would have the patience. As stolen from an old movie, "my hypocrisy knows no bounds".....

Greg

Title: Re: HOLY CRAP!!
Post by Tiannia on Dec 19^th, 2003, 12:18pm

Hiya Greg. A newbie here I guess. Only been here for 7 months now. But I lurk and anm ever present at least when I am not dancing or pF and playing with my kids.

Tiannia

Title: Re: HOLY CRAP!!
Post by stevegeebe on Dec 19^th, 2003, 1:02pm

Reading your post prompted me to visit the archives. Ya'll were some crazy back then.

Good that some things never change.

Welcome back Greg.

Steve G

Title: Re: HOLY CRAP!!
Post by Carl_D on Dec 19^th, 2003, 1:15pm

Hi Greg, welcome back

Yep, I'm still here, still throwing temper tantrums, defacing Drs offices, making noise with my band, writing, going off the deep end. Still chronic with CH, and going through other wonderful things.
Glad to see you came back. Wish it were under better circumstances.
As for Drummer, I lost touch with the boy wonder. Which reminds me...

Did you hear about the bass player who locked his keys in his car?
It took him 2 hours to get the drummer out.

What's the difference between a pizza being delivered and a drummer?
The pizza is almost always on time.

If you're lost in the woods and you see a drummer with perfect timing, a drummer with lousy timing, and a lepreuchan, who do you ask for directions?
The drummer with lousy timing - the other two are figments of your imagination and don't exist.

What do you call somebody who hangs around musicians?
A drummer

Okay, I'll stop with the drummer banter.

Peace,
Carl D

Title: Re: HOLY CRAP!!
Post by 172Driver on Dec 19^th, 2003, 3:43pm

on 12/19/03 at 13:15:05, Carl_D wrote:

I am thrilled/relieved to see you in such good spirits. You were a man in much pain of many kinds when we spoke last.

I would be remiss if I didn't add my own;

What did the drummer get on is IQ test?

Drool

Why do bands have a bass player?

To translate for the drummer

AND

How do you know when a drummer is at your door?

The knock always slows down.

Ahhhhhhhh...glad to be home.

Title: Re: HOLY CRAP!!
Post by 172Driver on Dec 19^th, 2003, 3:45pm

on 12/19/03 at 13:02:59, stevegeebe wrote:

Reading your post prompted me to visit the archives. Ya'll were some crazy back then.

Good that some things never change.

Welcome back Greg.

Steve G

I have been catching up since I've been back. Seems like some names have changed but there is more of everything you could want in its place!!

Greg