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Topic: Men & Women..... (Read 655 times) |
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Elizabeth
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Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you
Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Man: Is that seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, I'll go to mine.
Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.
Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.
Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.
Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.
Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?
Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.
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Elizabeth
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He said....I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
She said...You wear briefs, don't you?
She said....Do you love me just because my father left me a fortune?
He said... Not at all honey, I would love you no matter who left you the money.
She said....What do you mean by coming home half-drunk?
He said...It's not my fault. I ran out of money.
He said....Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you in the worst way.
She said....Well, you succeeded.
She said:Let's go out and have some fun tonight.
He said....Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on.
He said...Shall we try a different position tonight?
She said....That's a good idea...you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart.
He said...Two inches more, and I would be king.
She said...Two inches less, and you'd be queen.
Priest said... I don't think you will ever find another man like your late husband.
She said....Who's gonna look?
He said....What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said...Turn sideways and look in the mirror.
He said...Why don't you tell me when you have an orgasm?
She said....I would, but you're never there.
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Elizabeth
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Fatal things to say to your pregnant wife
« Reply #2 on: Feb 17th, 2002, 1:37pm » |
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Not to imply anything, but I don't think the kid weights forty pounds...
Y'know, looking at her, you'd never guess that Pamela Lee had a baby!
I sure hope your thighs aren't gonna stay flabby forever.
Well, couldn't they induce labor? The 25th is the Super Bowl.
Dam if you ain't about five pounds away from a surprise visit from that Richard Simmons fella.
Fred at the ofice passed a stone the size of a pea. Boy, that's gotta hurt!
Whoa! For a minute there, I thought I woke up next to Willard Scott!
Are your ankes supposed to look like that?
Get your own ice cream, Buddha!
Got milk?
Maybe we should name the baby after my secretary, Tawney.
Man! That rose tattoo on your hip is the size of Madagascar!
Retaining water? Yeah, like the Hoover Dam retains water!
You don't have the guts to pull the trigger, Lard Ass.
Sure you'll get your figure back. We'll just search 1985 where you left it.
Keys are by the fridge, honey. I'll see you at the hospital at half-time.
Sure, the doctor said you're eating for two...but he didn't mean two Orcas.
Honey, come show the guys your Brando impression.
Roseann, what have you done with my wife?
How come you're so much fatter than the other chicks in Lamaze?
Where'd you put that Victoria's Secret catalog?
What's the bid deal? If you can handle me going in, surely you can handle a baby coming out.
Hey, when you're finished pukin' in there, get me a beer, will ya?
Why in the world would I want to rub your feet?
That's not a bun in the over - it's the whole fucking bakery!
You know, now that you mention it, you are getting fat and unattractive.
Oh, this is great! Now, on top of everything else, child support.
Yo, Fat Ass! You're blocking the TV!
No, I don't know where the remote is! Have you looked under your ass?
I know today's your due date, but Scott just got a 10-point buck and that's a reason to celebrate too.
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