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Topic: American Liberals in Canada (Read 582 times) |
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BobG
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American Liberals in Canada
« on: Nov 24th, 2004, 3:34pm » |
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The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past weeks, sparking calls for increased border patrols to stop the illegal immigration.
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The re-election of President Bush is prompting the exodus among many Left Leaning Citizens who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray and agree with Bill O' Reilly.
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Canadian border farmers say its not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, animal rights activists and unitarians running across their fields at night.
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I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn," said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota. The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry. He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. When I said I didn't have any, he left. I didn't even get a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?"
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In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences but the liberals scaled them. So he tried installing speakers that blare Rush Limbaugh out across his fields.
"Not real effective," he said. "The liberals still got through, and Rush annoyed the cows so much they wouldn't give milk."
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Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons and drive them across the border and leave them to fend for themselves. "A lot of these people are not prepared for rugged conditions," an Ontario border patrolman said. "I found one carload with out a drop of drinking water. They did have a nice little Napa Valley cabernet, though."
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When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often wailing loudly that they fear retribution from the conservatives. Rumors have been circulating about the Bush administration establishing re-education camps in which liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch NASCAR.
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In the days since the election, liberals have turned to sometimes ingenious ways of crossing the border.
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Some have taken to posing as senior citizens on bus trips to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young vegans disguised in powdered wigs, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior-citizen passengers. "If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we get suspicious about their age," an official said.
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Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage and renting all the good Susan Sarandon movies.
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"I feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can't support them," an Ottawa resident said. "How many art-history majors does one country need?"
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In an effort to ease tensions between the United States and Canada, Vice President Dick Cheney met with the Canadian ambassador and pledged that the administration would take steps to "reassure" liberals, a source close to Cheney said.
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"We're going to have some Peter, Paul & Mary concerts. Also, we might put some endangered species on postage stamps. The president "seems" determined to reach out."
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nani
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Re: American Liberals in Canada
« Reply #1 on: Nov 24th, 2004, 6:23pm » |
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 Loooved it!
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Sisyphus
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Re: American Liberals in Canada
« Reply #2 on: Nov 25th, 2004, 2:14pm » |
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Laughing like a drain, going to pass that one around to some mates on e-mail if you don't object.
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The gods had condemned Sisyphus to ceaselessly rolling a rock to the top of a mountain, whence the stone would fall back of its own weight. They thought there no more dreadful punishment!
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BobG
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Re: American Liberals in Canada
« Reply #3 on: Nov 25th, 2004, 2:47pm » |
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I don't object.
Hell, I stole it from somebody else. 
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