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        New Message Board Archives >> 2002-2004 Funnies and Jokes >> Draft the old guys
        
(Message started by: BobG on Oct 24^th, 2004, 1:30pm)

Title: Draft the old guys
Post by BobG on Oct 24^th, 2004, 1:30pm

Draft Old guys!
If I could, I'd enlist today and help my country track down those responsible for killing thousands of innocent people in New York City and Washington, DC. But, I'm over 50 now and the Armed Forces say I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 35 to join the military. They've got the whole thing backwards. Instead of sending 18-year-olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join until you're at least 35.

For starters:
Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds.
Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more that 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.

Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier.
If we can't kill the enemy we'll complain them into submission. "My back hurts!" "I'm hungry!" "Where's the remote control?"

Also: An 18-year-old hasn't had a legal beer yet and you shouldn't go to war until you're at least old enough to legally drink.
An average old guy, on the other hand, has consumed 126,000 gallons of beer by the time he's 35 and a jaunt through the desert heat with a backpack and M-60 would do wonders for the old beer belly.

An 18-year-old doesn't like to get up before 10 a.m.
Old guys get up early every morning to pee.

If old guys are captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd probably forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brain-teaser.

Boot camp would actually be easier for old guys. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we actually like soft food. We've also developed a deep appreciation for guns and rifles. We like them almost better than naps.

They could lighten up on the obstacle course however. I've been in combat and didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training.
I can hear the Drill Sergeant now, "Get down and give me...er...one."
And the running part is kind of a waste of energy. I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.

An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to actually carry on a conversation, and to wear pants without the top of his butt crack showing and his boxer shorts sticking out.

He's still hasn't figured out that a pierced tongue catches food particles, and that a 400-watt speaker in the back seat of a Honda Accord can rupture an eardrum. All great reasons to keep our sons at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off to possible death.

Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten cowards who attacked our country. The last thing the enemy would want to see right now is a couple of million old guys with attitudes.

Share this with your senior friends (It's purposely in big type for us old guys...)

Title: Re: Draft the old guys
Post by Biker on Oct 24^th, 2004, 2:45pm

I think us older guys would pose a real problem to the military. During my basic training, I did everything they told me to do. I folded my clothes, made my bed, cleaned the latrines, ect.ect.ect.
I think today, I would be more accecptable to just throwing my clothes in the locker, straightening my bed somewhat just before I laid down in it, and cleaning the latrine when it looked dirty.
I think today, I would be more apt to ask why they wanted me to do such and such. I think I would be inclined to tell them to kiss off when they wanted me to do something foolish (like crawl through the mud to get to the other side of the pit).
I dont think I would jump up at attention when the drill seargent kicked the garbage can down the isle between the beds at 4 am. I dont think I would care for the starch in my boxers. I think I would be a little testy if I couldnt phone home at least once a day. And the thought of not being able to go to the bar just could not be tolorated.
Nope, older guys dont make good draft candiates.
BUT
Offer us a free plain ride somewhere, give us a case of beer a day, medication for the brain pain, automobile and weapon of choice, 3 hots and a cot, there would be no need for a draft. Hell, alot of us would go for free!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Title: Re: Draft the old guys
Post by vietvet2tours on Oct 26^th, 2004, 4:44pm

No mo war fer me.I did it an i liked it and that just ain't right.

Title: Re: Draft the old guys
Post by Jeepgun on Oct 27^th, 2004, 9:35am

on 10/26/04 at 16:44:46, vietvet2tours wrote:

No mo war fer me.I did it an i liked it and that just ain't right.

Ditto. I'm done.

Title: Re: Draft the old guys
Post by ArCane on Oct 27^th, 2004, 1:17pm

Damn you really thought about this alot, didnt you.

Title: Re: Draft the old guys
Post by AussieBrian on Oct 27^th, 2004, 7:22pm

A long time ago, as young service-men, they put Bromide in our tea to stop us thinking about girls.

I think mine's beginning to work.

Title: Re: Draft the old guys
Post by Bill-G on Dec 15^th, 2004, 12:56am

Not a bad idea :P

Always remember Old age and treachery will overcome youth and skill every time. *cackle*

terrorists wouldn't know what hit them

Bill