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   Author  Topic: New Years Resolutions (and I mean it this time!)  (Read 1185 times)
Carl_D
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New Years Resolutions (and I mean it this time!)
« on: Dec 30th, 2004, 4:56am »
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Friday night I will piss into the wind as a fond reminder of 2004: The year that was fucked up! I never thought I could possibly top the misery of 1993, but alas it was so. It is also the first year in many that I HAVE NOT RECORDED ONE SONG!!!  May not sound like a big deal, but when you're a musician bursting with ideas - it really bites the sweaty bag. So hopefully in the coming year I will get to record the next Former disc. As well as the first Psyclone disc. Anyway, here are my new years resolutions:
 
1. Quit smoking (for the umpteenth time)
2. Stop cursing so fucking much
3. Try to quit making strippers cry  (but they're so cute when they do.)
4. Start drinking beer again (hey, gotta have one vice)
5. I'll try to stop nicknaming everyone I meet (even though it's more fun to call someone "Dopezilla" than Amy)
6. I will end my decade-long fascination with Micro Miniatuire Cuban-born Chinese Circus midgets, and throw all related porn away
7. When someone says "Whats up G?" I won't respond anymore by carrying on the alphabet after G "H, I, J, K..."
8. I will try (can't promise anything with this one) to stop telling friends their mom is HOT!!!
9. I will stop masturbating in public places like the Taco Bell restroom
10. I will quit picking on catholics, and presbytereans, and baptists, and... aw hell, that's too much fun to give up
11. Spend 2 or more hours a day with my guitar
12. I promise not to send anymore death threats to the North Pole
13. I won't whine as much on the MB  
14. I will stop calling flamingos pelicans (they think I am racist when I say that)
15. Did I already mention the masturbating in public?
16. I will stop calling the local cops "Muffin"
17. I'll try to stop referring to our president as "Howdy Doody"
18. I will stop flicking boogers at people I don't even know
19. In relation to 18, I will stop putting condoms in people's shopping carts when they're not looking
20. I will try to get more in touch with my inner child by wearing diapers
21. I promise to stop going to the mall every Christmas and demanding I get to sit on Santa's lap
22. Like Prince, I will change my name to a symbol
23. Unlike Prince, I will try to stop licking myself like a cat
24. I'll try to avoid puking off of an overpass with people below (You think I'm kidding... I did that in '92 on my way to a gig. Pulled over on 270, grabbed the rail and hurled, and to my surprise saw people below me, but it was too late - the damage was done.)
25. I wll stop going into roughneck bars and yelling things like "All you pu$$y bikers SUCK!"
 
That's it. That's my few new years resolutions.
Give it up - what is yours and do you ever really keep them?  I don't.
 
Rockin' into 2005,
Carl D Phroek
 
 
« Last Edit: Dec 30th, 2004, 4:59am by Carl_D » IP Logged
nani
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Re: New Years Resolutions (and I mean it this time
« Reply #1 on: Dec 30th, 2004, 9:32am »
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crackup
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Re: New Years Resolutions (and I mean it this time
« Reply #2 on: Dec 30th, 2004, 1:08pm »
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crackup
 
Yeah, Carl, I would agree that you really need to stick to your guns with these...um, well, except #18...that one sounds like fun... Grin
 
Langa
 
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becky8
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Re: New Years Resolutions (and I mean it this time
« Reply #3 on: Dec 30th, 2004, 6:24pm »
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Me too Carl!!!All those things Grin
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Re: New Years Resolutions (and I mean it this time
« Reply #4 on: Dec 30th, 2004, 6:34pm »
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WELL!...............
 
No more farting in the parlor and will PACO pleeze forgive me Smiley  Oh and Paco, i entered with a hard hat, but you were rite tin foil gets the ticket.
 
 
SO.  after the nomorefartingintheparlor..............i promise now and forever NOT to piss in the sandbox.
 
I'm not quitting smoking yet.
I may continue to occasionally drink beer  ( psst:  it's the writer's block you know.........)
 
ummm.................................................................... ......so.  whatelse(i feel like the deli guy).   Hmmm.
 
I just can't think of anything besides the ciggs that i want to part with.  I GOT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I'm gonna wear from 2005 on only exttremely uncomfortable underwear and i'm throwing the big white cottons out the winda.
 
Phew.
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Re: New Years Resolutions (and I mean it this time
« Reply #5 on: Dec 31st, 2004, 3:20am »
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Nice list Carl but feel free to do 2, 15, and 17. Not necessary to give up everything.
 
Good luck Carl
 
Charlie
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Re: New Years Resolutions (and I mean it this time
« Reply #6 on: Dec 31st, 2004, 6:28am »
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Great list Carl, but who says New Years resolutions have to be about quitting something or changing something. How about adding things  laugh
Some great new ideas there.
 
I only made one resolution I ever kept!
"never to make any more freaking resolutions" awwww hell, I broke that one to.
 
LMAO
 
 beer crackup
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Re: New Years Resolutions (and I mean it this time
« Reply #7 on: Dec 31st, 2004, 9:50am »
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LMAO Carl.  laugh  You crack me up sometimes, bro.  I think my thing this year is to lose about 180 pounds.  I've been trying - I drop my son off at random locations, but he keeps finding his way home.  Undecided  This time I'll blindfold him and drive around for several hours before I drop him off.  Oh, and since you are tossing your Micro Miniatuire Cuban-born Chinese Circus midget porn away, you could send it to me.  Can always use something to read with just one hand in the Mickey D's restroom.
 
Happy New Year, Carl.
 
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becky8
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Re: New Years Resolutions (and I mean it this time
« Reply #8 on: Dec 31st, 2004, 4:57pm »
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crackup crackupGator
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Carl_D
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Re: New Years Resolutions (and I mean it this time
« Reply #9 on: Dec 31st, 2004, 5:07pm »
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LOL Gator!!!  I tell friends I haven't seen in a long time I lost 220 lbs. They always respond "Man, I didn't know you got that big." I respond "I didn't. I got rid of the ex."
 
I'll send the midget circus porn but be forewarned: What those little buggers pull off with a thimble, some crisco and rubber bands is, well sick and disturbing, but also hypnotic. Suddenly I need to use the restroom.  laugh
 
The Artist Currently Known As
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Re: New Years Resolutions (and I mean it this time
« Reply #10 on: Dec 31st, 2004, 6:46pm »
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I only have one resolution....been keeping faithfully for years now.
 
 "I firmly resolve not to make a resolution."  
 
 Ya, ifn ya liked that one... I gave up giving up stuff for lent Grin
 
Ramon
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Carl_D
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Re: New Years Resolutions (and I mean it this time
« Reply #11 on: Dec 31st, 2004, 7:03pm »
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on Dec 31st, 2004, 6:46pm, Cerberus wrote:

 
 "I firmly resolve not to make a resolution."  
 
 Ya, ifn ya liked that one... I gave up giving up stuff for lent Grin
 

 
Giving up is for quitters!  Wink
 
To coin a cheezee phrase:
 
Never give in!!!  No Surrender!!!
 
Now why do I suddenly feel 12 years old? Oh yeah, quoting cheezee movies.
 
HNY to you an the Woobs,
 
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