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Title: Met My 1st CHead and witnessed a hit... Post by Langa on Dec 19th, 2004, 3:22pm My friend and fellow-clusterhead came to NY this weekend to visit his family for Xmas and to meet me. For the first time in my life I saw another human being get hit with a cluster. To say that it was a surreal experience is an understatement. It was like looking what it was like to be me the last 26 years. I'm sure most of you have witnessed other cheads get hit, but this was my first time. In total, during the weekend I saw him get hit 6 times. He's chronic. Each time, the hits got worse. Last night was a full blown kip 10. I know he's on verapamil, 02 (which he didn't have with him) and the imitrex injections. After he injected the imitrex in his arm, he started crawling the floor. :'( I didn't know what to do except ask him if he wanted me to leave. I know from experience that dignity above all is important to us during an attack. He told me he wanted me to stay. So I sat on the floor with him holding his hand, moving my body across the floor wherever he was crawling and praying and wiping tears from my face that flowed easier than any other time in my life. Finally when the imitrex kicked in, after about 15 minutes, he sat up, drained and exhausted. On the floor, we held each other for along time. We eventually both fell asleep on the floor, both exhausted. :'( I never knew what it was like to be on "the outside looking in". Let's just say I have a new respect for the supporters in my life. I thought after the first time, I'd get used to it...wrong! It was harder the more I saw him suffer. My hats off to all supporters! Langa |
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Title: Re: Met My 1st CHead and witnessed a hit... Post by cootie on Dec 19th, 2004, 3:49pm Have you turned your friend onto this place yet.....he can crawl and cry and moan all he wants cuz people here will also 'be there' for him. Seen the ole clusterhead crawl myself and it is pitiful and disturbing I must say and there is nothing anyone can do 'I know'. Have seen the cluster light go off and on Pam |
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Title: Re: Met My 1st CHead and witnessed a hit... Post by Biker on Dec 19th, 2004, 4:16pm I have been there. Its embarrassing. I have lost jobs, and relationships cause of the beast. I hope your friend dusted himself off and continued on. Thats about all there is to do. |
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Title: Re: Met My 1st CHead and witnessed a hit... Post by Jonny on Dec 19th, 2004, 4:25pm Right |
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Title: Re: Met My 1st CHead and witnessed a hit... Post by Langa on Dec 19th, 2004, 4:37pm I met my friend through here... ;) Langa |
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Title: Re: Met My 1st CHead and witnessed a hit... Post by don on Dec 19th, 2004, 5:53pm Nice story. It took 15 minutes for the imitrex to take hold? |
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Title: Re: Met My 1st CHead and witnessed a hit... Post by Jonny on Dec 19th, 2004, 6:00pm I dont believe one word of that story.....sue me!! |
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Title: Re: Met My 1st CHead and witnessed a hit... Post by Langa on Dec 19th, 2004, 6:04pm on 12/19/04 at 17:53:51, don wrote:
Sorry, I meant 5 minutes...thought it seemed much longer than that... Langa |
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Title: Re: Met My 1st CHead and witnessed a hit... Post by don on Dec 19th, 2004, 6:13pm Quote:
So I take that to mean you dont want me to come over and crawl on the floor with you a hold your hand? You take my hand when I'm getting hit and I'm snapping your wrist. |
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Title: Re: Met My 1st CHead and witnessed a hit... Post by Jonny on Dec 19th, 2004, 6:13pm Right! |
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Title: Re: Met My 1st CHead and witnessed a hit... Post by don on Dec 19th, 2004, 6:24pm I've met a lot of sufferers and not one of them has ever seen me take a hit. Let alone 6 of them. |
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Title: Re: Met My 1st CHead and witnessed a hit... Post by docdog on Dec 19th, 2004, 6:32pm I'm sorry, but although the story seems very touching, I don't want anyone near me let alone holding my hand when the beast is functioning at full speed ahead. Most of the time when I get a 10. I'm oblivious to the world around me...can't breathe or see real well, can't think real well other than hoping the end is near. As far as the Imitrex goes, I have had experiences in my previous cycle where the Imirex hardly had any effect at all. Nevertheless, I admire your compassion for your fellow CH. We all need support and help. |
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Title: Re: Met My 1st CHead and witnessed a hit... Post by Jonny on Dec 19th, 2004, 6:35pm Anyone even speaks to me during a CH risks death. |
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Title: Re: Met My 1st CHead and witnessed a hit... Post by don on Dec 19th, 2004, 6:38pm What are you going to do while you are crawling around on the floor? Bite em in the ankles and hope they bleed out? |
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Title: Re: Met My 1st CHead and witnessed a hit... Post by Langa on Dec 19th, 2004, 6:40pm For me, it depends...most of the time I want to be alone, but in the past, when I've had kip10's I want someone in the room with me talking me through it, or just plain holding my hand...Other times, I want music. I thought I read here that some people list to blast rock and roll music during bad hits. Whatever works I guess! Langa |
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Title: Re: Met My 1st CHead and witnessed a hit... Post by Jonny on Dec 19th, 2004, 6:47pm When im squeezing my head as hard as any vice could.....the last thing I want is to hold hands....Christ! Do you even know what a Kip 10 is? |
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Title: Re: Met My 1st CHead and witnessed a hit... Post by don on Dec 19th, 2004, 7:58pm Isn't that when you invite family and friends for a game of twister? |
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Title: Re: Met My 1st CHead and witnessed a hit... Post by catlind on Dec 19th, 2004, 8:15pm I must say, and I'm sure I'll get torn up, but it won't be the first time... I don't understand the negativity in this thread. Jonny you've been to conventions and get togethers, you've witnessed others take a hit... As a general rule I think all CH'ers want to be left alone, but when it's another clusterhead, it's different. I still have no desire to be on display, but having Mast, Roxy, Linda, DJ and you Jonny, around me in NY was not a terrible thing. Roxy found your presence very comforting as you helped her get the O2 flowing in NY. DJ witnessed several hits with me on the ride to Dallas, Mast let me squeeze the fuck out of her hand in NY, Roxy let me do the same in the truck on the way back from CT, BillyJ was the first person aside from my husband to ever see me get hit...he rescued me when I was locked out of my room in NY, and he ran and got his own O2 and a maintenance man to unlock my door, while I stood beating my head on the door. Billy sat with me, quietly while I waited for meds to kick in. His presence with me was oddly comforting...having someone in the room with me that fully and completely UNDERSTOOD the pain. Afterwards, he hugged me and we cried... No other person would I allow near me, except a clusterhead, and only a select few at that...but I have squeezed hands...and I've actually seen a few crazy ones made to laugh during a hit (had I not seen it for myself I would have said it was impossible..). I don't understand the negative feelings and sentiments in this thread. Cat |
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Title: Re: Met My 1st CHead and witnessed a hit... Post by marlin on Dec 19th, 2004, 10:18pm I've never met another clusterhead and I've been getting hit for 27 years on and off. I've hardly met anyone that even knows what the hell one is much less able to relate. That's one reason I need to be ALONE during a hit - A FREAK SHOW FOR SOMEONE THAT DOESN'T UNDERSTAND. Not a whole lot different from a epileptic event. The other reason is I recognize that I'm not rational over a K7 -- possibly dangerous. My family knows to LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE until the trex kicks in and I'm back with the living. All that said, while I would feel really uncomfortable, apprehensive and probably sick to my stomach, if a clusterhead insisted I stick aroound for the show I suppose I would. Lord knows I could relate. |
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Title: Re: Met My 1st CHead and witnessed a hit... Post by don on Dec 19th, 2004, 10:22pm Quote:
Simple Cat. It's not believable. |
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Title: Re: Met My 1st CHead and witnessed a hit... Post by ClusterChuck on Dec 19th, 2004, 10:33pm I have to agree with Cat on this one (am I really admitting that?). I am a DEFINATE "leave me alone, go away, and DON'T touch me" clusterhead. Yet in Nashville, MANY witnessed some of my hits, and dear Luke, held me and kept me from banging my head and pulling my hair. I thought I would be uncomfortable and pissed, if anyone had done that. Yet, strangely, I was comforted by his presence and care. I would have said that I would have riped someone's head off for doing what he did. Yet, once it happened, and then happened again and again, it seemed right. I thank him for doing what he did. I don't know if it was just because it was Luke, or what, but I can't imagine letting my wife or daughter getting away with doing that. It could be that it was another clusterhead, and he is a special person. I don't know. Many other cluster heads witnessed my some of my hits, and I even let Justin film one. I am surprised how that does not bother me that much. I do cringe when I think of the spectacle that I made of myself at the restaurant, in public, and the hits that I had on the flights down. It could be that I accept letting clusterheads seeing me, but do whatever I can to prevent outsiders from seeing me. I just don't know. Chuck |
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Title: Re: Met My 1st CHead and witnessed a hit... Post by Redd715 on Dec 19th, 2004, 10:42pm Vig was the first person to see me get hit...well besides the ex hubby who called me a whimp...but thats different. I was amazed that I let him touch me....hell he even was the one to give me my first half dose of trex...hit a muscle and bruised the hell out of my arm but with what was going on in my head I didn't really care... He held me too...as I shook..as I fought back the urge to scream... Paul I will appreciate that unconditional care you gave me for all of my days... :-* |
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Title: Re: Met My 1st CHead and witnessed a hit... Post by vig on Dec 19th, 2004, 10:45pm http://www.kdlltd.com/vig/heartTattooArm.jpg alright, so I'm not a nurse... Kinda looks like a heart tattoo, doesn't it? anytime Pegg. ;;D |
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Title: Re: Met My 1st CHead and witnessed a hit... Post by Ueli on Dec 19th, 2004, 10:49pm |
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Title: Re: Met My 1st CHead and witnessed a hit... Post by Redd715 on Dec 19th, 2004, 10:58pm on 12/19/04 at 22:45:51, vig wrote:
Ya know that thing lasted for weeks and weeks.... ;;D |
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Title: Re: Met My 1st CHead and witnessed a hit... Post by Kevin_M on Dec 19th, 2004, 11:11pm on 12/19/04 at 22:33:04, ClusterChuck wrote:
I don't know either, preventing anyone near is first choice. I guess as long as no one interacts to prevent me from doing what I need to do, and don't overreact to, or interrupt what I do, that's all, 'cause I'll be alright. ONE, nonclusterhead friend knows that. Kevin M |
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Title: Re: Met My 1st CHead and witnessed a hit... Post by Bandette74 on Dec 19th, 2004, 11:26pm i don't get many Kip 10s at all. in this cycle, i've only had two. usually they are k6-7 for me. do i want people around me when i get hit, no. sometimes i get hit while at work, and i do what i need to do through the pain: meet deadlines, pass out meds, etc. i won't talk to you unless i can give you a short answer or direction, usually. sometimes i'm so agitated by the pain that i don't want to shut up, and i talk to myself. but, there's a huge difference between a k6 and a k10. with a k10 i want no one around unless they're going to shoot me with meds or a gun. holding my hand--i can't imagine that--usually i'm just very agitated and pissed at the pain. i don't want comfort during an attack, i usually want to attack something back. after an attack, i might be okay with someone i'm really close to consoling me, but mostly i want to pretend that nothing happened and either sleep or get on with life. however, not everyone responds the same way to pain, and there are different levels of pain. i do strange things when i'm in mild to moderate pain, usually doing some activity, hoping it will distract me, and i can pretend that i don't hurt as much as i do. severe pain, and i'm just angry and scared. i'm not willing to say this story is bullsheet yet, but many of you have been on these boards much, much, much longer than i have, and i trust that you have reasons for being negative at times. |
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Title: Re: Met My 1st CHead and witnessed a hit... Post by marlin on Dec 20th, 2004, 10:01am red, that's not the greatest pic of the bruise. Can't even tell if it's the inside or outside of your arm? If it's the outside I don't think I've ever intentionally shot myself that low. (Never gone inside) I stick to high on the shoulder if I haven't run out of recent shot site real estate. I switch shoulders every other shot. Somehow my shoulder never bruises (sometimes I get a teeny spot) if I stay up high. I've tried thigh other spots and my shoulder always works out best. But that's just me. I guess everyone's body's different. |
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Title: Re: Met My 1st CHead and witnessed a hit... Post by becky8 on Dec 20th, 2004, 10:57am I hit the same as Marlin, works the best for me. I can put it in a little to the side instead hitting straight down. |
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Title: Re: Met My 1st CHead and witnessed a hit... Post by nani on Dec 20th, 2004, 11:11am I still don't understand why you don't believe this. Just because you react one way doesn't mean everyone does. For the most part, I'd rather be alone during a bad hit. Should one of my loved ones get near me, I don't lash out at them...they sure as hell didn't cause the pain! My last k10 (in the ER), my hubby kept his hands on my shoulders, so that when I was banging my head against the wall, he could pull me back just enough to keep me from knocking myself out. He knew better than to try and stop me from banging altogether, but I knew enough that he was just trying to help me out. |
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Title: Re: Met My 1st CHead and witnessed a hit... Post by ZAIRA on Dec 20th, 2004, 11:41am on 12/19/04 at 18:47:05, Jonny wrote:
Right...... ! >:( |
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Title: Re: Met My 1st CHead and witnessed a hit... Post by Carl_D on Dec 20th, 2004, 5:46pm Personally, I am not "me" when I get hit, and don't want anyone to see what I become during a 10 hit. Unfortunately, my niece and nephew are two people in the world I wish had never witnessed a hit, but they have, and little Elijah is the only one I can really keep my composure for, and I send him off. Witnessing someone else get hit is a brutal experience, especially when you know what the pain is. Peace and PFD&N, Carl D |
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Title: Re: Met My 1st CHead and witnessed a hit... Post by Linda_Howell on Dec 20th, 2004, 6:29pm Carl D said" Quote:
and that is absolutely correct. Except where another clusterhead AND friend is concerned. They KNOW I am not ME. What Cat is talking about is the New York conv. and the first time I've ever accepted someone around me. What everyone has already said... that there is this silent pact/agreement/comfort thing going on...yeah! strangers however are a different ball-game. I get away from them as soon as the first twinge occurs. Linda |
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