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Topic: Is this really Christmas? (Read 477 times) |
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The Warden from Hell
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Sometimes I feel like a nut... sometimes I don't.
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Is this really Christmas?
« on: Dec 25th, 2004, 7:18pm » |
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I believe my father is the strongest person I know. That's a given. He gets hit everyday. Today is Christmas, but it doesn't feel like it. We're in New Hampshire with Dad's family, but almost the whole day Dad has been in the back room GULPING down O2. He's been slamming his head on the flooe unaware that I'm even in the room. Some times I would just lay on the bed and watch him. Sometimes I would try to keep him from hitting his head. The whole time I was crying. I would think to myself.... my father has this faith in Jesus Christ, and God. I CAN'T! We went to the midnight mass last night with my Grandpa and Aunt. Dad had to leave cause he got a big one. The rest of the service I looked at the cross hanging on the organ pipes cursing this savior for not saving my father from this pain. For not saving me from this pain. It's supposed to be Christmas... and Dad can't even spend time with the family. Damn this demon. And damn the people who ignore it.
-Stephanie-
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| « Last Edit: Dec 25th, 2004, 7:19pm by The Warden from Hell » |
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The opposite of war is not peace. It is creation. -RENT by Johnathan Larson
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nani
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Re: Is this really Christmas?
« Reply #1 on: Dec 25th, 2004, 7:29pm » |
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 Stephanie...HUGGSS to you and your Dad, sweetie. I'm so sorry he is having such a bad time and that you are having such a bad time while you are being such a wonderful supporter. I sure understand your anger. It is never easy to watch someone you love suffer. Especially when they never really get a break. Your Dad really is one of the strongest people there is, and his faith contributes greatly to that strength. It is normal to be angry and to question God. Your Dad has likely gone through that process already. Sometime, when he's feeling okay, you should ask him about that. He came out of that struggle with his faith intact. That is what brings him (and many others) comfort. Knowing that no matter what our purpose or experience here on Earth is...it's all part of a grand plan, that we don't always understand. Our job is to do the best we can with what we have and remember that we are all human incarnations of God's love.
I hope things get better for you guys. I'm glad you came here to vent. Venting is healthy. We love you, sweetie and we love your Dad, too. Would you tell him that for me?
Here's to better (pain free) days...
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E-Double
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Re: Is this really Christmas?
« Reply #2 on: Dec 25th, 2004, 7:32pm » |
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Tons of hugs to you Stephanie and of course to your dad!
Always wishing everyone a break and although I have never met Chuck he like all here are always in my heart.
I wish to you and all supporters a vacation from the pain that has developed from watching "us"
My heart goes out to ya dear!
Try to have a nice holiday and just keep being the best damn daughter a man could ask for!!!
Hang in there,
Eric
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I can't believe that I have to bang my
Head against this wall again
But the blows they have just a little more
Space in-between them
Gonna take a breath and try again.
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Sean_C
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Re: Is this really Christmas?
« Reply #3 on: Dec 25th, 2004, 7:41pm » |
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Steph clusterheadache is a horrible disorder that we all bear here. We all feel the same exact pain your dad feels.................exactly  The thing thats worse than cluster headache pain for me is the thought of my children or my wife watching me go through the agony. I know people could say just leave him be, but you and I know he needs you the most then, support, even if its silently there is everything  I'm so happy you take care of him like that, you really are dads angel. He must truly love you for that.
If you need us or he wants to talk, tell him we're here 24/7.
Hugs to you
Sean...................................................
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OneEyeBlind
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Re: Is this really Christmas?
« Reply #4 on: Dec 25th, 2004, 7:59pm » |
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Love ya Steph. Love your dad too. So I am just gonna say my prayers now that someone up above give him a break. I don't know what else to tell you except that when things seem at their bleakest ........ there is a light. You just have to believe.
(((((((((((((((((((((( Steph & Chuck)))))))))))))))))))))
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john_d
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Re: Is this really Christmas?
« Reply #5 on: Dec 25th, 2004, 8:13pm » |
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Hey Steph, you are too cool  . Reading you makes me so appreciative of all the folks who support us suffering from this little nightmare, and chuck has it about as worse as anyone I have heard of. Big thanks from this clusterhead.
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Redd
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Re: Is this really Christmas?
« Reply #6 on: Dec 25th, 2004, 8:22pm » |
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Steph,
My children are very much in your shoes...they have seen me get hit...they know when I'm shadowing , they can see it in my face...they are right there to help if I need, but know to jsut let me deal when I need to...alone, in my roon, a shot, and get into the shower to just escape the world and preserve my sanity...I don't let them see me out of control...I have the benifit Trex to abort that you father can't...
Hun please feel my arms around you and understand...I see the rage and concern in my own childrens faces...I can certainly understand yours...
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I saw an act of faith today. A man was on his knees, not in a pew in a Church, but in a garden planting seeds. ~~Unknown
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OneEyeBlind
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Re: Is this really Christmas?
« Reply #7 on: Dec 25th, 2004, 9:38pm » |
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Hey Chuck, after I said my prayer for you, I head this song ..... hopefully you can hear me singing this to you ....... peace and pain free days, my friend.
May the blessing of light be upon you
Light on the outside and light on the inside
With God's sunlight shining on you,
May your heart glow with warmth like a turf fire
That welcomes friends and strangers alike.
May the light of the Lord shine from your eyes
like a candle in the window,
welcoming the weary traveler.
May the blessing of God's soft rain be on you
Falling gently on your head
refreshing your soul with the sweetness
of little flowers newly blooming
May the strength of the winds of heaven bless you,
carrying the rain to wash your spirit clean
sparkling after, in the sunlight
May the blessing of God's earth be on you
and as you walk the roads, may you always
have a kind word for those you meet.
May you understand the strength and power
of God in a thunderstorm in winter,
the quiet beauty of creation and the calm of a summer sunset.
And may you come to realize that insignificant
as you may seem in this great universe,
you are an important part of God's plan
May He watch over you and keep you safe from harm.
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Langa
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Re: Is this really Christmas?
« Reply #8 on: Dec 26th, 2004, 12:43pm » |
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Hi Stephanie:
I'm sorry about your Dad. I know it must be so difficult to watch him suffer. I myself have been a clusterhead for 26 years, but recently was on the other end...as a supporter. I only went through that once and can't imagine what you must go through constantly witnessing your father suffer. You have every right to feel angry and frustrated. Your father IS very strong and I must say so are you and you will all get through this. Your father has his faith which he trusts to keep him during this difficult time. I agree with Nani that sometimes we can only do the best with what we have. I'm glad you're here and can share your feelings with us and can find comfort in knowing that you're not alone.
Hang in there...
Langa
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The mad viking
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Re: Is this really Christmas?
« Reply #9 on: Dec 26th, 2004, 2:56pm » |
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Stephanie...HUGGSS to you and your Dad, sweetie.
Dont think i need to say any more Steph my friend
bc you know me
Svenn&Bente
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Always Look on The Bright Side of Life
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ClusterChuck
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Re: Is this really Christmas?
« Reply #10 on: Jan 3rd, 2005, 4:56am » |
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Svenn called me this morning (no wait, it is now YESTERDAY morning) and he happened to mention this thread, in talking about other things. Somehow, I never saw it.
There are people that tell me I should not hide my hits from my family (well, now it is just Stephanie and me). How can they say that, when they read the hurt and pain that she writes in this thread? I do ANYTHING I can to protect her from having to witness these damn hits! I had no idea that she saw me at my father's house.
It seems to be a new revelation that she has. After a hit, she tells me that I am the strongest person she knows (what? ole noodle armed me?) (I couldn't beat my way out of a wet paper sack!). I don't know where she gets that idea. I am just like any other person that has a problem, and deals with it. I am not special. Never have been. Never will be. Just dealing with this "wonderful friend" (?? ?? ??) that visits me so often.
I wish I could keep more hits out of her awareness. She does not need to know that I am getting hit. As it is, she only thinks I get hit about 3 times a day, but suspects I might be hiding a few from her. If she only knew!!! haha!!!
It is so strange how we adapt. After 18 months of 10 to 15 a day, it seems easy being down at only 6 to 8 a day (except days like Christmas and today, where I got the full load).
But those of you that met my dear Stephanie, know that she has a heart of gold! A mouth that would make a sailor blush at times, but she is such a joy to have living with me (most of the time, anyway) (but then again, she IS 17 years old {oye vey!!!}).
Ah well, guess I will keep her around for a while. When I get home from this business trip, gues I might even break down and give her a hug or even a KISS!!! hehe!!! That will get her goat!!! haahaa!!!! "EEEEUUWUWWWWW !!!!!! DAD KISSES!!!! EEEUUUCCCHHHHH!!!!"
Chuck
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cray
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Re: Is this really Christmas?
« Reply #11 on: Jan 3rd, 2005, 6:10am » |
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You are 1 of the luckiest blokes alive 2 have a daughter lthat thinks that way.Bet it,s 24/365 as well, not just xmas & holidays. Best wishes.
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Jeepgun
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Re: Is this really Christmas?
« Reply #12 on: Jan 3rd, 2005, 10:47am » |
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vig
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Re: Is this really Christmas?
« Reply #13 on: Jan 3rd, 2005, 11:37am » |
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you have one heck of a daughter, bro, and that's a reflection upon you...
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never, Never, NEVER quit. -Winston Churchill
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