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Topic: Letter to Bank.... (Read 542 times) |
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BarbaraD
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Letter to Bank....
« on: Jan 3rd, 2006, 4:41am » |
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This was written by a 96 year old woman ....
Letter to bank
Shown below, is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by a 96 year
old woman. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published
in the New York Times.
Dear Sir:
I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I
endeavored
to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three nanoseconds must
have elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival in my
account of the funds needed to honor it.
I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entir
salary, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight
years.
You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank.
My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways. I noticed that whereas I personally attend to your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity
which your bank has become.
From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person. My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate.
Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact Status which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative.
Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof. In due course, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret
that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits ! but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service.
As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Let me level the playing field even further. When you call me, press the buttons as follows:
1. To make an appointment to see me.
2. To query a missing payment.
3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
4. To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.
5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.
6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.
7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is required. Password will be communicated to you at a later date to the Authorized Contact.
8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7.
9. To make a general complaint or inquiry. The contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.
While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.
Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.
May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous New Year.
Your Humble Client
(Remember: This was written by a 96 year old woman.)
What A Woman!!!!!!!!
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What don't kill ya, Makes ya stonger!
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Sean_C
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I see she still had her witts about her LOLOLOL 
Bravo 
Sean...................................
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burnt-toast
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Re: Letter to Bank....
« Reply #2 on: Jan 3rd, 2006, 5:41am » |
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Never underestimate the ability of our seniors. We could learn a lot from them if we started paying more attention. - Grey Power.
Tom
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Would the owner of the propane torch, egg beater, pipe expander and vise grips please claim these items. They're lodged in my head and I need the space.
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PollyPocket
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Re: Letter to Bank....
« Reply #3 on: Jan 3rd, 2006, 7:26am » |
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reminds me of my brilliant sister's response to the electric company.
She had a question about her bill, called them, and the rep on the phone said she could only talk to the primary on the account.
Amy said, "Wait a second, I've been paying this bill for 15 years, have called with questions many times, and NOW you can't talk to me, only my husband?!"
"Sorry, company policy", was the reply.
"Well, can you at least tell me the nearest dropoff for payments?"
"Oh sure," the rep said. "Let me just verify your address"
Amy, in a burst of brilliance said, "Sorry, I am not authorized to give out that information. You'll have to verify the address with my husband" LOL
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“Life is all about timing... the unreachable becomes reachable, the unavailable become available, the unattainable... attainable. Have the patience, wait it out It's all about timing.” - Stacey Charter
"If I don't remember it happening, it never happened. " - Tori
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zwibbs/Scott
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Stay Strong !!!
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Re: Letter to Bank....
« Reply #4 on: Jan 3rd, 2006, 7:30am » |
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The woman's letter to the bank was brilliant. But no matter who you call these days--you get machines to talk to..very irritating
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There's always light at the end of the Tunnel.
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Kevin_M
CH.com Alumnus
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withered branches grow green again.
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Re: Letter to Bank....
« Reply #5 on: Jan 3rd, 2006, 8:48am » |
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on Jan 3rd, 2006, 4:41am, BarbaraD wrote: When you call me, press the buttons as follows:
9. To make a general complaint or inquiry. The contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.
While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call. |
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A combination of Mony Mony and Nowhere Man....
Mony Mony! Mony Mony!
He's a real nowhere Man,
Sitting in his Nowhere Land,
Mony Mony! Ride the Pony!
Nowhere Man, please listen,
You don't know what you're missing,
Mony Mony! Mony Mony!
He's as blind as he can be,
Just sees what he wants to see,
Nowhere Man can you see me at all?
He's a real Nowhere Man,
Sitting in his Nowhere Land,
Rap it up Granny and sock it to 'em!
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pattik
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Posts: 2404
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Re: Letter to Bank....
« Reply #6 on: Jan 3rd, 2006, 9:19am » |
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on Jan 3rd, 2006, 8:48am, Kevin_M wrote:
Mony Mony! Mony Mony!
He's a real nowhere Man,
Sitting in his Nowhere Land,
Mony Mony! Ride the Pony!
Nowhere Man, please listen,
You don't know what you're missing,
Mony Mony! Mony Mony!
He's as blind as he can be,
Just sees what he wants to see,
Nowhere Man can you see me at all?
He's a real Nowhere Man,
Sitting in his Nowhere Land,
Rap it up Granny and sock it to 'em! |
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The voyage of discovery is not about seeking new landscapes, it's about having new eyes--Marcel Proust
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Charlie
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
Happy to be here
   
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Posts: 14968
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Re: Letter to Bank....
« Reply #7 on: Jan 3rd, 2006, 11:23pm » |
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I wish I were in business and that she needed work.
Gotta love this kind of thing. 
Charlie
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There is nothing more satisfying than being shot at without result---Winston Churchill
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