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Topic: 'Twas the night before.... (Read 351 times) |
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Donna_D.
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'Twas the night before....
« on: Dec 19th, 2006, 3:54pm » |
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Today as I was making a list of all the batteries I need to get for the kids toys from Santa I was reminded of the Parent's version of 'Twas the Night Before Christmas.
I know there are a lot of funny variations out there and a few serious ones. I would love to see which ones are your favorites!
A Parent's Night Before Christmas
'Twas the night before Christmas when all through the house
I searched for the tools to hand to my spouse.
Instructions were studied and we were inspired,
In hopes we could manage "Some Assembly Required."
The children were quiet (not asleep) in their beds,
While Dad and I faced the evening with dread:
A kitchen, two bikes, Barbie's town house to boot!
And, thanks to Grandpa, a train with a toot!
We opened the boxes, my heart skipped a beat....
Let no parts be missing or parts incomplete!
Too late for last-minute returns or replacement;
If we can't get it right, it goes in the basement!
When what to my worrying eyes should appear,
But 50 sheets of directions, concise, but not clear,
With each part numbered and every slot named,
So if we failed, only we could be blamed.
More rapid than eagles the parts then fell out,
All over the carpet they were scattered about.
"Now bolt it! Now twist it! Attach it right there!
Slide on the seats, and staple the stair!
Hammer the shelves, and nail to the stand."
"Honey," said hubby, "you just glued my hand."
And then in a twinkling, I knew for a fact
That all the toy dealers had indeed made a pact
To keep parents busy all Christmas Eve night
With "assembly required" till morning's first light.
We spoke not a word, but kept bent at our work,
Till our eyes, they went bleary; our fingers all hurt.
The coffee went cold and the night, it wore thin
Before we attached the last rod and last pin.
Then laying the tools away in the chest,
We fell into bed for a well-deserved rest.
But I said to my husband just before I passed out,
"This will be the best Christmas, without any doubt.
Tomorrow we'll cheer, let the holiday ring,
And not have to run to the store for a thing!
We did it! We did it! The toys are all set
For the perfect, most perfect, Christmas, I bet!"
Then off to dreamland and sweet repose I gratefully went,
Though I suppose there's something to say for those self-deluded...
I'd forgotten that batteries are never included!
DD
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JeffB
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Re: 'Twas the night before....
« Reply #1 on: Dec 19th, 2006, 3:59pm » |
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 Very nice!
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" It's been my experience that people who have no vices have very little virtues."
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Jimi
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Re: 'Twas the night before....
« Reply #2 on: Dec 19th, 2006, 4:55pm » |
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I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.
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LeLimey
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Re: 'Twas the night before....
« Reply #3 on: Dec 19th, 2006, 5:07pm » |
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The OUCH Version
'Twas the night before Christmas, and throughout Clusterville
Ch'ers were headbanging, Swallowing pills.
Shooting up Imi and snorting Zomig
Those on prednisolone eating like pigs
Some were still sleeping snug in their beds,
The beast hadn't started to dance in their heads.
Dr's Goadsby and Sewell in their thinking caps
Were dreaming of ONSI and funding for MAPS
When out in the garden I heard such a clatter,
Mumbling and cursing, "STFU Chuck" chatter.
I opened the window, looked out at the night
But nothing of interest crossed my line of sight
Then the moon on the noggin of DJ our hero
Reminded me that the damn tank was near zero,
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But the OUCH racing car and the OUCH volunteers
With a little old driver, holding tight to the wheeyul,
I knew in a moment it must be our Beeeyul.
More welcome than sunbeams the OUCH team they came,
and nodded acceptance when they heard their name:
"Now Nani! Now Gator!
Grab an oar and start rowing!
On, Thomas! On, Patti!
Our Donna's teams growing!
From the top of your noggin
To the back of your eye
Now Pain away! Fear away!
Let that Beast DIE!"
And then, in a flash, I heard on the ceiling
The sad plaintive cry of my last o2 squealing.
I drew in my head and was crying without sound,
When down the chimney St. BenUK came with a bound.
He was covered with goodies from his head to his shoe,
With masxs, and tubing and bags for O2.
A bundle of regulators strung round his tummy
And an endless supply of O2 for THIS mummy!!
With my Christmas sorted I turned round to see
All Clusterville smiling and laughing with glee.
They all had a clustermasx and all were pain free
The best Christmas present wasn't under any tree
Donna and team had some time for their selves
Caging the beast was a job for the elves
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of my fear
Brought low by our Donna and her volunteers
The Beast was still living, he isn't yet dead
But we're working on ways to keep him out of our heads
Be it seeds, shrooms or Imi, Verap or Zomig
WE are gaining in power.. that beast ain't so big.
His one greatest weakness is our unity
He fights alone but we fight as FAMILY!
With the team's job done they said their goodbyes
And away they all drove in the OUCH car through the sky
But I heard Donna exclaim, 'fore Beeyul drove out of sight,
"Happy Christmas to all, and PAIN FREE days and nights!!"
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burnt-toast
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Re: 'Twas the night before....
« Reply #4 on: Dec 19th, 2006, 6:52pm » |
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Know what you mean.
Do what I do - trash the instructions and build it the way it looks on the box.
May have to swap out a few bolts, nuts or screws at the end of the project but it cuts assemble time in half when you don't waste time deciphering instructions written for??????
Tom
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Linda_Howell
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Re: 'Twas the night before....
« Reply #5 on: Dec 19th, 2006, 7:27pm » |
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Helen, that was bloody brilliant. You're good lady.
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Richr8
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Re: 'Twas the night before....
« Reply #6 on: Dec 19th, 2006, 7:30pm » |
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Petty much sums up may of my Christmas eve experiences. Good thing Wallgreen's is open on Christmas day. 
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pf wishes,
Rich
...because yesterday is history and you never know what tomorrow will bring.
"Med free"- A few seeds and lots of O2-LG but not great.
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Shedz
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Re: 'Twas the night before....
« Reply #7 on: Dec 19th, 2006, 8:21pm » |
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  For Helen's version!!! 
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I push my fingers into my eyes, It's the only thing that slowly stops the ache, But it's made of all the things I have to take, Jesus it never ends it just works its way inside, If the pain goes on, I AM gonna make it.... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xps7AM8HbjE
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Barry_T_Coles
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Re: 'Twas the night before....
« Reply #8 on: Dec 19th, 2006, 8:34pm » |
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Well done Helen.
  
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