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Topic: Showering (Read 366 times) |
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daffyswacky
New Board Junior
Do the voices in my head scare you?
  
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How To Shower Like a Woman
1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.
2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups.
4. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah, and pumice stone.
5. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins
6. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
7. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for 15minutes.
8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red
9. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
10. Rinse conditioner off hair.
11. Shave armpits and legs.
12. Turn off shower.
13. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex.
14. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
15. Check entire body for zits, tweeze hairs.
16. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
17. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
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How To Shower Like a Man
1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.
3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your ass.
4. Get in the shower.
5. Wash your face
6. Wash your armpits.
7. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
8. Make fart noises (real or artificial) and laugh at how loud they sound in the shower.
9. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
10. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.
11. Shampoo your hair.
12. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.
13. Pee.
14. Rinse off and get out of shower.
15. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.
16. Admire wiener size in mirror again.
17. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on
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18. Return to bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.
19. Throw wet towel on bed.
If there is anyone among you who did not laugh at the truth behind this there is something so very wrong with you!!!
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If you're not living on the edge...you're taking up too much space
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BobG
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Re: Showering
« Reply #1 on: Jan 30th, 2006, 10:55pm » |
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LMAO
Quote:| 9. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. |
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"It's mine and I can wash it as fast as I want. Woo-woo!"
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Stay stressed. Never relax. Never sleep. Ever.
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sandie99
New Board Hall of Famer
Wish it, dream it, do it - inspite the pain!
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Re: Showering
« Reply #2 on: Jan 31st, 2006, 10:14am » |
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CH happends, Live anyway! PF days to us all!
"Do what you can and let God take care of the rest. Leave your heart wide open and always wish for the best" (Sanna Hillu)
"No matter how far out your dreams are, it's possible" (Marketa Irglova)
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Richr8
New Board Hall of Famer
It's all about today...
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No way..
« Reply #3 on: Feb 1st, 2006, 9:31am » |
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..a man takes two more steps in showering than a woman. I don't care how you stack it.
LMAO 
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pf wishes,
Rich
...because yesterday is history and you never know what tomorrow will bring.
"Med free"- A few seeds and lots of O2-LG but not great.
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Langa
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
So many donuts, such little time...
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Posts: 4179
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Re: Showering
« Reply #4 on: Feb 1st, 2006, 1:59pm » |
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When you saw only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.
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