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Topic: How to continue on (Read 1617 times) |
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Margi
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Re: How to continue on
« Reply #25 on: Sep 9th, 2002, 7:40pm » |
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Wow, Ree - awesome post, lady. You said it so well, and full of grace. Way better than my 'suck it up' comment. 
You rock, gal. AND you shine as a star supporter.
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joelin
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I am not a veteran of cluster headaches. He goes thru hell. He takes stadol nasal when the headaches hit. He was put on Inderal LA daily but refused to use it because he saw no reason for it. He doesn't want me to go to the regular MD with him because he says I ask to many questions. He's seen a neurologist that was a quack and now refuses to go back to another one. He refuses any of my ideas ie: o2, benadryl, etc. The "hangovers" from the stadol is just as debilitating for him as the CH.
I AM there for him during his CH when he will allow me to be. He doesn't feel that his CH has any affect on me or the kids and that we should just ride them out. This cycle has lasted now since the first week of May. Longest EVER for him. I encourage him until my encourager is sore. I exhalt him until my exhalter is sore. He can't function during a CH and then he can't function after one . He can function just wonderfully in time for work, go figure.
I fell in May and tore ALL the tendons and legaments as well as cartledge in my right foot and ankle. I was on crutches, unable to get up and do my "wifely duties". Have any guesses as to what the "phone calls from friendly helpers" wanted to know. NOT how I was doing, but how was Joe doing. I was in INCREDIBLE pain and he didn't ask me once how are you feeling, but he did ask, what was for supper. Now I'm sorry if I hit a "raw nerve" with someone. I thought this was open forum. You know what the difference is between a single mom of five kids one special needs, and me. A husband who is so debilitated and REFUSING
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joelin
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I am not a veteran of cluster headaches. He goes thru hell. He takes stadol nasal when the headaches hit. He was put on Inderal LA daily but refused to use it because he saw no reason for it. He doesn't want me to go to the regular MD with him because he says I ask to many questions. He's seen a neurologist that was a quack and now refuses to go back to another one. He refuses any of my ideas ie: o2, benadryl, etc. The "hangovers" from the stadol is just as debilitating for him as the CH.
I AM there for him during his CH when he will allow me to be. He doesn't feel that his CH has any affect on me or the kids and that we should just ride them out. This cycle has lasted now since the first week of May. Longest EVER for him. I encourage him until my encourager is sore. I exhalt him until my exhalter is sore. He can't function during a CH and then he can't function after one . He can function just wonderfully in time for work, go figure.
I fell in May and tore ALL the tendons and legaments as well as cartledge in my right foot and ankle. I was on crutches, unable to get up and do my "wifely duties". Have any guesses as to what the "phone calls from friendly helpers" wanted to know. NOT how I was doing, but how was Joe doing. I was in INCREDIBLE pain and he didn't ask me once how are you feeling, but he did ask, what was for supper. Now I'm sorry if I hit a "raw nerve" with someone. I thought this was open forum. You know what the difference is between a single mom of five kids one special needs, and me. A husband who is so debilitated and REFUSING to get the appropriate help.
This is why I stopped posting. I needed to find somewhere that I could vent with people who would be able to say, be there done that and this is how we did it. Yes, I tried the getting away by myself. I find myself crying, and worn out. Yes I see my husband collapsing into a pile of pain, and my heart goes out to him. I guess I'm just not as dedicated, tough, or submissive of a wife as I should be.
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Ree
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2008's my year to shine~SUN IS OUT!!!YAY
    
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Re: How to continue on
« Reply #28 on: Sep 10th, 2002, 5:12pm » |
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ok and were trying not to pick at you... but if he wants to be alone then just take care of you and your kids and let him be alone during his cycle... we have all been there i had pneumonia and a Cesarian section and Dave was in the midst of a cycle... this stuff happens to all of us and we have to step back... quite frankly if he doesnt want help... dont give him any and take care of yourself. period.... go back up to my first post to you... the answer is there... I feel for you I really do. He is better for work because he has to work... what would you do if he didnt... anddddddddd I dont know who told you that you had to be submissive... understanding is a long way from that. You dont need to tell us your family problems but if you feel your marriage is ruined due to other issues also I truly am sorry... Just wait this thing out... I dont know him and cant tell you why he isnt greatful... it kind of sounds like you are afraid to ask him for help. We have many friends that have CH here and they are expected to still help out if possible... YOU CANT DO EVERYTHING... take care Ree
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Proud Mom to US ARMY Kiowa OH58 PILOT~CWO2 SCOTT Hawaii, & USMC Vet~Now POLICE OFFICER SEAN, Citizen of the Month~ Breezy~ Nana 4 Matt/Mike&Aya, MIL To Shino Wife to Dave HI BILL!http://www.myspace.com/dungareespocket http://www.prohawaiian.com
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joelin
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Thank you. Today was a better day because I (IIIIII) slept thru the night. I slept right thru his CH. Seems selfish, but I had to. I woke up with a little one throwing up everywhere, but I just had to ignore my husband when he woke up with the CH this morning. My son throwing up came first. I don't like leaving him hanging, but I can't help those who don't want help, and I'd probably be in the way anyways. My kids need me and so I CAN help them and I focus on that. Thank you.
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Ree
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2008's my year to shine~SUN IS OUT!!!YAY
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Re: How to continue on
« Reply #30 on: Sep 11th, 2002, 7:33pm » |
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I probably would have done the same thing... the attack would have happened no matter if you were there or not... after he notices your going on with your life and caring for your family while he is in cycle "all by himself" you can explain to him that if he needs you, you will be there, and that your just taking care of business while he is unavailable... Be thankful he can pull himself together for work... I hope your son is feeling better and that you dont get what ever "flu" or "bug" he had... You have to be strong and healthy for them...
still ...not to alarm you, check on your husband to be sure he isnt becoming so alone he would hurt himself or take his own life... Even some of the strongest supporters we know here have been tempted during a cycle to just end it... good luck again... good job joelin... Im proud of you gal!!!
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Proud Mom to US ARMY Kiowa OH58 PILOT~CWO2 SCOTT Hawaii, & USMC Vet~Now POLICE OFFICER SEAN, Citizen of the Month~ Breezy~ Nana 4 Matt/Mike&Aya, MIL To Shino Wife to Dave HI BILL!http://www.myspace.com/dungareespockethttp://www.prohawaiian.com
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smartie
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Hey everyone, Hey J
I hope you are continuing to get some relief
Your hubby HAS to do something about his medication, if this site has taught me anything, it has taught me that and thanks to this site Ali's cycle was only 8 weeks long (found site in week 5) as opposed to 14 weeks at least so we are jumping for joy with that result!!! May sound bad still but we are now thinking that come the next time, we'll crush the sucker like a bug!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If your hubby refuses to sort himself out and actually help himself then the time has come to let him be responsible for himself, yes I do believe that the sufferer has it much tougher than us, but when you have so many kids and so much responsibilty then you have to still be fit for them. Ali was very tough to get to the doctor, but he thanks God I have pushed him and the doctor so much now and he is much more positive about future attacks. The Sumitriptan injection has been our life saver, if you have not tried it, do, its worth a go, Ali can start an attack and have the injection, 10 minutes later be sat in the sitting room with me and noisy one year old, got to be something in it!!!
Also if starts in night, I can now roll over, inject him and be back to sleep within minutes, also says something to me. Not ideal forever as can only use 2 a day but it's a start.
As for hotels, why did you also not sleep, sleep and rest is priority, not a meal, not going out clubbing, get your priorities sorted too. Kick the headaches then get your life back, don't try too much at once, if you want to go out then, leave him at home, go with a friend, don't expect he will want to do the same as you, he's in a cycle, he needs to feel normal too.
Hope you get there.
Take care
Helen
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