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Topic: Relationship w/Supporter (Read 313 times) |
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LasVegas
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Episodic CH since 11 yrs old, now 39.
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Relationship w/Supporter
« on: Nov 3rd, 2003, 9:53am » |
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This post is from a Cluster Sufferer to Supporters......Well, i'm sure many of us here have had relationship problems as a result of one or more aspects of CH's. My fiance, who I live with her and her daughter, has been VERY supportive with me during mid-September up until present. 6 or 8 weeks is a long time for multiple CH's daily, pharmacy trips, ER trips, scheduling efforts and frustration with general doctors/neurologists/pain mgmt/oxygen suppliers/HMO's, etc. The pain and suffering which she really can't do much for, except try to educate herself on CH's and to know when I need to be left alone must be tough for her. This is the only cycle I have had in the 2 years we have been together. Last night, we had a discussion about "pet peeves" to communicate a hopeful improved relationship. One of my bigest pet peeves was that she needs to be more responsible for cleaning up after herself and her daughter, helping with cooking more, stuff around the house. I have been doing most of it the past two months as she recently started a heavy work schedule and is gone quite often. I have no interest in looking at her mess or her daughters, so I will clean it, organize it, etc., along with be responsible for myself, only because I am "compulsive neat freak." Ever see "as Good as it gets" with Jack Nicholson, I relate but not that compulsive. So, I brought all of this to her attention last night and she said she appreciated me "picking up the slack, but it's not like you have worked in the past couple months." I'm a Realtor and have flexibility of my own hours. So fortunately, the CH's did not affect an employer, like CH's have MANY times in the past. I explained to her that I feel like "Mr. Mom", cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, etc and I don't have time for it anymore as I haven't worked real estate in almost two months. My normal work schedule I create for real estate is 12 hour days, six sometimes seven days per week, then take off a few days after I get a good deal. So because she doesn't hear or see real estate productivity, she assumes I haven't worked. I have worked, but on a bunch of non-real estate matters such as neglected home repairs, landscaping, swimming pool and equipment, running errands, training a puppy, babysitting her daughter while she is at work three nights a week, and maybe 10 hours a week in real estate. But, because I don't work full-time in real esate, she feels as if I am not working. Well, that discussion was ended when I explained the time involved doing all of the other stuff and the hundred or so things I have accomplished. I am not and have never been one to just sit around. Then it really hit discussion, when my "supporter" fiance included all of the many hours a day that I am researching this and related websites. Explained to her that I needed to educate myself as the doctors don't have a clue. She does have a point, as I have posted over 100 times since Mid-September, plus all of the reading, research and printing. She told me, you now know what it is about, you have an o2 tank in the bedroom, you have Imitrex, Prednisone and Verapamil and the cycle broke two weeks ago and that there is no cure, so just make the best of it and now that you are educated and stocked up on abortives and preventatives, sell real estate. UGGGHH!!! I pretty much told her to go F herself and after sleeping on it last night determined that we are going to hire a maid and a babysitter, and I am going back to work. Will be around from time to time, this site is truly addictive and will have to "taper" from it, but will check in from time to time. I hope I have offered some helpful advice and info for those in need and I certainly am grateful for the advice and info all of you have given me. Feel free to email me as I may not check this board too often anymore, and for those in Las Vegas, I will still be in contact for our next meeting if there is interest. Whether I agree with all that my fiance said or not, I do have to get back to my busy real estate life and keep the bills paid and provide a nice Christmas and New Year, plus I truly do have a passion for my job. Take care and PFDAN to all.
Gregg in Las Vegas s from a Cluster Sufferer to Supporters:
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Wishing all a Pain Free 2008!
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Margi
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Re: Relationship w/Supporter
« Reply #1 on: Nov 3rd, 2003, 10:31am » |
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Well, Gregg, first of all I'm sorry to see you say that you're leaving here. Next, I wish you luck with that - this isn't an easy place to leave. CH.com has a way of worming into your heart and many have tried to check out, but most can never leave. Kind of like The Hotel California. 
Now, as to CH affecting relationships. Yes, it's probably one of the most challenging things that can be brought to a relationship and a true test of committment and love. Those who can pass that test end up being very strong people. Sure, some relationships have been lost because of clusters but lots have survived because of clusters, too. My husband and I have faced some challenges being a blended family, too, but at the end of the day - we stay together because we love each other and...the vows are: 'for better for worse, in sickness and in health'. In most of our cases, though, clusters aren't a deciding factor for the future of the relationship - it's just the hand we are dealt in life. And we are here to learn new ways to play that hand.
Quarrelling about little things....well...what can I say? Shit happens, right? But don't lose sight of the big picture here. I have it on Good Authority that not one among us is perfect - we all have our 'warts'. And, that definitely works both ways in relationships where clusters are involved. I think the best thing any of us can do is to try to see beyond the little things and refocus on the big picture. If there is love and commitment there....then work for it.
Best of luck to you, Gregg, I sure hope you're one of the ones who can't leave. Please invite your fiancee to join us as well. We really can help her to understand and cope.
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Ree
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Re: Relationship w/Supporter
« Reply #2 on: Nov 3rd, 2003, 7:31pm » |
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Your so nice Margi... I didnt feel that way when I read his post... Life for a supporter isnt easy either. If he was working at home less than her he should be pitching in... I don't get into peoples stuff but when you come out and tell it in his words... I get involved...
I believe relationships are 50/50... his cycle is over so now he's bitchin that the house ain't tidy while he sits on the puter all day................. okkkkkkkkkkk ya thats fair... me
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Jackie
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Re: Relationship w/Supporter
« Reply #3 on: Nov 3rd, 2003, 8:06pm » |
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I'm going to reserve comment on the rights and wrongs in this as I'm sure there are MANY other issues at play in this whole situation.
I do have one question.....have you always provided maid service for your girl friend and her daughter?
Jacks 
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stevegeebe
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Re: Relationship w/Supporter
« Reply #4 on: Nov 3rd, 2003, 10:08pm » |
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I do know this...my wife, and God bless that I have her, is tending to her Dad and away from home right now.
I miss her.
Good luck Gregg. I wish you the best.
Steve G
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TxBasslady
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Re: Relationship w/Supporter
« Reply #5 on: Nov 3rd, 2003, 11:33pm » |
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Wish you good luck Gregg.
It's a shame you feel that you should leave the board. I don't think I could do it. I was gone for 2 weeks and bout went crazy. This board is absolutely the best thing that ever happened to me. These great folks gave me support when I was at the end of my rope. And they continue to support even though I am pf right now. I will stay and support while pf and hope that I can help someone that needs it.
Take care.......
Jean ( 55 days pf....but I will "Pay it Forward" )
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How lucky I am... to have known someone who was so hard to say goodbye too.
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I adopted a Vietnam POW/MIA from El Paso, Texas! 
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Margi
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Re: Relationship w/Supporter
« Reply #6 on: Nov 4th, 2003, 10:27am » |
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LOL ah, sweet Jackie. I firmly believe you and I are twins, separated at birth. 
I wondered the same thing, actually.
love ya, gal.
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http://askusaboutourgrandkids.photosite.com/
And, on the Eighth Day...God created Beer (to stop the Canadians from taking over the world)
source unknown
IMHO (which in my universe is correct)
kathy copelin, ch.com 8/8/06
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