Clusterheadaches.com Message Board


    
      
        Clusterheadaches.com Message Board
        (http://www.clusterheadaches.com/cgi-bin/yabb/YaBB.cgi)
      

        Supporter's Corner >> Supporter's Corner >> Was I being a stubborn A$$?
        
(Message started by: E-Double on Oct 26^th, 2006, 3:51pm)

Title: Was I being a stubborn A$$?
Post by E-Double on Oct 26^th, 2006, 3:51pm

So Tuesday I am on my way home from work and I get whacked about a 1/2 mile from my house.
I walk in and my mother in law has the baby as Joanna started working a little.
I'm cocked to the side, say excuse me touch Hannah on the head and retreat to my basement.
Abort with O2.

Come upstairs and play with my daughter a bit then get spanked again.....

Go back downstairs and abort again.
This time a shadow is still lingering......I hear the baby crying hysterically!!!!!!
I go upstairs and try to help out....
My head is starting to ramp up again but I knew I could still help Hannah. There are times where the only way to calm her down is for ME to take her and hold her in a certain position that my 4'10 wife nor my 4'8 MIL can not.
My mother in law who I love so much and am so greatful to just wanted me to take care of myself as she has never seen me tweak so hard.
By now it was past a 6 moving onto a 7 and I was cocked and cranky yet functional enough to take care of MY BABY.
Long story short I did what I had to do to help the baby which in turn makes me feel better and Joanna comes home and gets pissed at me for not giving the baby to her mother when she was there to help. Afterall she raised 3 kids and that is why she is there to help us and her grand daughter.
Was I wrong to not give in to this thing.
$hit, I work full time, I help @ home and with our little angel and still deal with these clusters almost every day for the past 2.5 yrs and I never bitch (except here once in a while) but now it is supposed to be different because we have a little help for the baby????
Am I supposed to cave if I didn't feel it necessary.
If I couldn't do it then I would have given her to my MIL.
Was I selfish for wanting to help the baby and not myself?
Was I selfish for possibly making my MIL feel helpless on 2 fronts? The baby and me?

God I love the Autumn :-/

Thanks and hugs to you all.

Title: Re: Was I being a stubborn A$$?
Post by Margi on Oct 26^th, 2006, 5:18pm

ok, first of all - hugs to you, Eric. I hate Autumn for you, too. :(

Now, second of all....this is a toughie. You have to understand this from all sides and sometimes that's not an easy task. Maybe it will help if I share a story with you.

Last Friday, our granddaughter, Savannah, discovered that she is allergic to gravity. She also learned that rocking backwards on a kitchen chair DOES lead to one landing head first on the stove handle and ending up in Emergency to get FIFTEEN stitches in one's forehead. :o (Bear with me, E - I do actually have a point to all this....)

My daughter works out by the airport, I work a little closer to where Savannah spends her days at the dayhome. I can get there quicker, so I get the call to meet Savannah and her babysitter Jill at emergency. So I go there. My daughter is on her way but it will take her a couple of hours yet to reach us. Long story short, Savannah and I are there with the doc, Sav is high on the drugs they give her and she is giggling with every stitch. She's fine. I know that, I've seen the wound, yes it's gaping, yes, there's a lot of blood, but there is no neurological damage. Her pupils are the same size, she isn't speaking in tongues, this is just a 'kid thing'. One of many to come, no doubt.

I'm holding her in my arms as doc is stitching her up. Doc and I are teasing each other, he's begging me not to tell her any more stories that will make her laugh because that makes her jiggle her head. Spoilsport. ::) Doc is giggling almost more than the kid though.

In comes "Mummy". She totally freaks at the sight of her drugged up daughter and just starts wailing and crying. Savannah looks at her as if to say "WTF's your problem, Mum? Gramma and I got this handled. We're totally FINE. These are some good drugs, Mum - I'm having a PARTY here". Corinne failed to see that.

Now, as a grandmother, there I am with a 17 month old wriggling in my arms being stitched back together. In walks my 24 year old and I don't know if she's going to faint, puke or what. Do I hand my grandchild over to my child who I'm not sure is going to be able to hang on to her? Not a chance in hell, Eric. That could be a double whammy if Corinne passed out with Savannah in her arms. So I exercised my Mom muscle and told MY baby to go collect herself in the bathroom and then come back. She was totally pissed at me but she did as she was told. (I think she maybe realized that she was upsetting Savannah too.)

Was I interfering by insisting that I continue to care for the Princess, while the Queen collected herself? I don't think so. Would my daughter have dropped her daughter? Probably not. Am I sorry that I didn't let her at her right away. Nope.

Being a gramma is a multi-faceted task all in itself. Your grandchild is the most precious gift you've ever gotten and, trust me, you will slay dragons for that child. When you see your OWN child in pain trying to help your grandchild? Well, it kinda makes a gramma's head spin around a little bit. I'm sure your mom-in-law thinks of you as her son (as my mum does of Mike) and she hates your pain as much as your wife does. Taking care of baby may have been the only way she could see would help you.

In summary, I don't think there is an answer to your question, Eric. Other than to say that clusters suck for everyone involved. Even Grammas. We Grammas need to be needed and we're MORE than happy to help, however, whenever, wherever. We do have a lot of experience under our belts in kid comforting and...honestly, we miss doing it. Would I have been insulted if Corinne had taken Savannah out of my arms and dismissed me? Oh yeah, that would have hurt big time. But I would have stepped back and done as I was told though. THAT's the double-edged sword of grandparenting, I guess. Especially for new grandparents, it takes us a little while to realize that our children actually DO have good parenting instincts. We feel doubly responsible when grandchildren appear on the scene. When our child AND our grandchild are hurting? Yeah, we have a tendancy to turn into SUPER GRAMMA and want to fix everything all at once. I think it may be hormonal. :-/

You didn't do wrong, though - I understand your need for normalcy even during a hit. Sometimes a task that needs to be done such as comforting a screeching baby can give you enough of a jolt of adrenaline to abort the hit.

Does this help?

p.s. Savannah is fine...this will leave a scar and she may need some dental surgery in the future (she hit her mouth as well and jammed a baby tooth back up into her jaw :() but, other than the bandage on her noggin, you'd never know anything had happened.

Title: Re: Was I being a stubborn A$$?
Post by E-Double on Oct 26^th, 2006, 6:24pm

:-* :-* :-* :-*

Title: Re: Was I being a stubborn A$$?
Post by BB on Oct 26^th, 2006, 8:35pm

Why am I crying when I read this ?

Because our children DONT have a gramma to help look after them, we are it and when both of us are down , the children are left to fend for themselves :(

I WISH that I have a mother or MIL who can or cares enough to come to help us through this tough period while Daniel is in cycle.

My own mother suffers from brain injury from a motor vehicle accident more than 10 years ago, she cant even look after herself. My MIL is in denial totally over her own son's illness, to her its "just a headache" and oh yeah she has bad migraines too so she knows all about pain! She even blamed me for giving Daniel the wrong medication that "messed" his head up!

Eric, consider yourself lucky! It would be much much much tougher for the two of you, especially your lovely wife if there is no one there for 'respite care".

However, I think its wonderful that you are trying to help and look after your daughter even while getting hit. Your daughter is truly a lucky girl !

Take care Eric, of yourself and your family.

Hugs

Annette

Title: Re: Was I being a stubborn A$$?
Post by maffumatt on Oct 26^th, 2006, 8:49pm

Eric thats just being a dad.

Title: Re: Was I being a stubborn A$$?
Post by thomas on Nov 2^nd, 2006, 10:42am

on 10/26/06 at 20:49:15, maffumatt wrote:

Eric thats just being a dad.

That's what I thought.

Title: Re: Was I being a stubborn A$$?
Post by Cathi04 on Nov 2^nd, 2006, 12:30pm

Eric, I am waaay late on this subject. I hope it is worth another view.
First off, you are one wonderful father- no denying, you are unabashedly head-over-heels with this lil girl, and that is sooo cooll!!
You have discovered you have a knack with her in certain situations. Your mother in law knows you need a break.
As a grandma, I'm going to do everything I can to make life a bit easier for my son, even if it means learning my way thru whatever my grandchild needs. If Mom is gonna babysit, they need to find their own rhythm, so to speak.
Yes, you might've been stubborn, but love does that to us. Please allow Mom time to bond with Hannah as well. YOU will never be replaced in her heart, so allow them this bond. Trust me, they will work things out
..

Title: Re: Was I being a stubborn A$$?
Post by Linda_Howell on Nov 2^nd, 2006, 9:16pm

Quote:

Was I being

Stubborn...yes.

An a$$....NO

As a mother of 7, I say that you are really new to this game called parenthood. You try your best and in a normal situation you did right. But you were hurting and your MIL was there. She really and truely could have handled it.

Title: Re: Was I being a stubborn A$$?
Post by Richr8 on Nov 2^nd, 2006, 10:06pm

on 10/26/06 at 15:51:34, E-Double wrote:

the only way to calm her down is for ME to take her and hold her in a certain position that my 4'10 wife nor my 4'8 MIL can not

Sums it up for me. You're still a goood guy in my book. ;)