Praise For Healing

The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers. A lady new to the church stood and walked to the podium.

She said, "I have a Praise. Two months ago, my husband Jim had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was crushed.  The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him."

You could hear an audible gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagined the pain that her poor husband experienced.  

She continued, "Jim was unable to hold me or the children and every move caused him terrible pain. We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation. They were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Jim's scrotum and wrap wire around it to hold it in place."

Again, the men in the congregation squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Jim.  

She continued, '"Jim is out of the hospital now and the doctors say, with time, his scrotum should recover completely."

All the men sighed with relief.  

The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had anything to say. A man rose and walked slowly to the podium.  

He said, 'I'm Jim and I want to tell my wife the word is sternum."

LMAO  ;D

So...I love cats. I collect wierd pics of them. We have an online album to share them in, with the help of LOL cats, a popular app. Here's a gem:

START PRINTPAGEMultimedia File Viewing and Clickable Links are available for Registered Members only!!  You need to or END PRINTPAGESTART PRINTPAGEMultimedia File Viewing and Clickable Links are available for Registered Members only!!  You need to or END PRINTPAGE

Currently working on collecting an entire series on Gollum-themed cats...it's goin' great. If you want more cats drop by my dropshots album (pm me for addy.)

P.S: It shrunk it but the caption is "Put Your Monee In Da Bowl For Jeeeeesus!" This just makes me laugh...'cause I went to old timey church once.

PRISON VS. WORK

Just in case you ever get these two environments mixed up, this should make things a little bit clearer.
 
@ PRISON
You spend the majority of your time in a 10x10 cell
@ WORK
You spend the majority of your time in an 8X8 cubicle
@ PRISON
You get three meals a day fully paid for.
@ WORK
You get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it.
@ PRISON
You get time off for good behavior.
@ WORK
You get more work for good behavior.
@ PRISON
The guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
@ WORK
You must often carry a security card and open all the doors for yourself.
@ PRISON
You can watch TV and play games.
@ WORK
You could get fired for watching TV and playing games.
@ PRISON
You get your own toilet.
@ WORK
You have to share the toilet with some people who pee on the seat.
@ PRISON
They allow your family and friends to visit.
@ WORK
You aren't even supposed to speak to your family.
@ PRISON
All expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work required.
@ WORK
You get to pay all your expenses to go to work, and they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners, and welfare.
@ PRISON
You spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out.
@ WORK
You spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.
@ PRISON
You must deal with sadistic wardens.
@ WORK
They are called managers & supervisors.

THERE IS SOMETHING SERIOUSLY WRONG WITH THIS !!!!

Now get back to work. You're not getting paid to check emails.

MEXICAN JEWS

Two Jewish men, Sid and Al, were sitting in a Mexican restaurant. Sid asked Al, "Are there any people of our faith born and raised in Mexico?" Al replied, "I don't know, let's ask our waiter."

When the waiter came by, Al asked him, "Are there any Mexican Jews?" and the waiter said, "I don't know Senor, I'll ask the cooks." He returned from the kitchen in a few minutes and said "No sir, no Mexican Jews."

Al wasn't really satisfied with that and asked, "Are you absolutely sure?" The waiter, realizing he was dealing with "Gringos" gave the expected answer, "I will check again, Senor!" and went back into the kitchen.

While the waiter was away, Sid said, "I find it hard to believe that there are no Jews in Mexico. Our people are scattered everywhere."

The waiter returned and said "Senor, the head cook said there is no Mexican Jews." "Are you certain?" Al asked once again. "I can't believe there are no Mexican Jews!" The exasperated waiter replied, "Senor, I ask EVERYONE".

"All we have is Orange Jews, Prune Jews, Tomato Jews, and Grape Jews. If you no like these, we out of Jews for you!"

LMAO  ;D