That made you a responsible and mature person.   ?


   A friend and I were talking about our kids the other day.   All over the age of 18.  Some kids are pretty mature at 18...others don't have a clue.  

When you graduated high school, what was it exactly  that turned you from a clueless, irresponsible teenager into someone who pays their bills on time, votes, takes care of business and doesn't have a "it's all about me" mentality.

For me it was one bad thing happening after another and the realization that I was the only one who could take care of it.  In other words....I was forced into being an adult at 17.

I'd love to hear what is was for you.  And I don't want to hear that you're STILL not mature, because you know what I am talking about.  LOL

A wife.  I recognized I had the responsibility to head up a family and take care of her, and later the kids.

Jerry

USMC

Moving out of the house at eighteen--clear across the country--where I knew no one.  Lived on my own, and mostly put myself through college (with a little help, of course).  

Doesn't take long to learn to swim when it's sink or swim.   ;)

Best,

George  

I don't really know Linda.  I just did it.  It's been one hell of a ride for all these years I guess I can't put a finger on it.

Yeah...these are some of the answers I was hoping for.  


Losing my Father at 17 and becoming pregnant at that same age made me realize a lot of things.   My friend said boot camp in the Air Force, where they wear you down before building you back up.

On the other hand, I turned 55 this year and still have not grown up. I'll let you what did it - when it finally happens.

One of my Grandkids really did ask me "What I want to be when I grow up" - just last week.

Lily.

When I became pregnant with her at 19.  That is when I stopped not caring and rebelling and grew up really fast.


I've been anal ever since. [smiley=hey.gif]

Been on my own since I was 13, even became an emanciptated minor. Had to grow up or starve.  That'll motivate anybody.

For me, it was a bit later in life ...

The turning point, for me, was the first time I saw Jonny drooling with lust for me, that time I had on that hot fuschia mini skirt, with matching 6" spike open toe shoes, and black fishnet stockings ...

Yup!  That was it!

Chuck

     ::)  (but I forgive you Chuck)


This was a serious question I was asking.  Someone I know is having a hard time with their 18 yr. old and asked me that question because she knows I have 7 children.  I then had to think back to what made me mature.  When did I "get it" ?  I guess it was hard times that made me stronger.  Not having everything served to me on a silver platter..that sort of thing.  Watching someone I love die at such an early age brought me into reality and made me sit up and take notice.   Before that I thought paying bills bills and being responsible were for other people.   People over 30

When I realized I didn't want to live like an idiot anymore. I'm doing much better this week. ;)
thebb

Linda,

Psychologists back in the 70's were saying the age of maturity had gone from mid teens at the turn of the 20th century to 24 in 1970.  They blamed the change on younger people not having responsibility at an earlier age.  Child labor laws, while a good thing, in some ways caused to much sheltering.  Along with that following the second WW with the rise in the economy in the US there was less pressure to produce placed on our younger people, which took off a lot of the need to take responsibility.

I know that when I read Ralph Moody's books about his growing up during the cash failure and drought when he was just 11, and then his taking responsibility for his mother and siblings following the death of his father when he was 12, and on through age 20 it sure made me realize how easy I had it.  My kids really hated it when I made them read a couple of his books.  They are hard to find, but I highly recommend them.

Jerry

Ask my mom...I've been 37 since I was 2 and my little sister was born.  My mom was 16 when she had me and a major alcoholic...so I had to be grown up.  I've always had a caregiver mentality.
I've had a steady job since I was 16 cause no one else had enough money to buy me school clothes, so I had to do for myself.  
Now...my sister on the other hand...polar opposite.  She's 35 now, has 6 kids, 3 different dads...spent the last 2 years on the streets and is now in rehab and hopefully growing up...maybe.  It's hard to think positively about her straightening up when she's disappointed us so many times before.  Now...her 16 year old daughter (her 3rd child) is pregnant.  And we begin again...

So...that's my story, I have no answers for you.
Kaleb is now 18 and in Job Corps and growing up in Idaho and I'm missing it :(  I can litterally hear the maturity in his voice when I talk to him.  

Vibes goin out to your friend!
Mast

:), great topic. for me having parents that allowed me to make mistakes. andrew

The experiences at college made me grow up. Realizing if I continued at the pace I started I would flunk out really fast. I had a class my sophmore year that was called Education of Self. It really made us examine our lives together.

I have a 25 year old son that I'm still not sure has grown up but I'm starting to see it happen. Getting married and moving to Hawaii has started to change him and make him more mature. For Lisa, I think it was the health issues, coping with icu and struggling to breath from asthma while she was 3 hours from home.

Charlotte

Great topic.  :)

I've felt older than my years ever since I was bullied at school at elementary school. I had lots of time in my hands to think about  things when other kids shut me out of the group. I didn't have huge rebellion ever, and I've never been thinking about just myself - actually I've had to learn to put myself first sometimes to be able to function better.

Linda, I also lost my dad when I was 17. That was a huge test in my life, but that was more a test of faith - I had lots of conversations with myself about what I believe in and do I still believe in God and am I still a Lutheran woman.

Sanna

There was no one moment, but more of a time when I realized that I was bored with others expectations of me.  

I dropped out of the small liberal arts college my parents and older brother picked for me and to which I had a full-ride scholarship.  I worked full-time for a year to save money, re-enrolled in a vastly different college (UW-Madison) and majored in what I wanted, rather than what had been planned for me.

Shortly after that I got married, we still finished college, and the rest is history.

When I was 18 I started college. Was mostly a screw-off.
Got drafted at 19. Probably the best thing that could happen to me. Had to grow up real fast in Vietnam.
After the Army I had to support myself and finish college. That took 7 years and 3 different schools. That also helped me mature.
At age 58 I decided to do what I wanted to when I was 16. I build a car, a hot rod! That's about one of the most immature, impractical, useless things I've ever done. But, Damn! it's fun to be immature again. Zoom! Zoom!

Hmm...I don't remember growing up, actually. I knew I wasn't ready for college after High School, so I went to work..well, I met a man, fell in love and became a wife-complete with house and gardens and cookbooks. Children were next............and, after about 16 yrs with them, I think I can shed some light.......children become "invincible adults, capable of making mature decisions along about 16 or so......"..or so they think......MATURITY  sets in sometime ohh.between about 21 and 35.that's when they tell you they didn't even KNOW how much they didn't know way back then!!
16-18 were probably our most difficult years. I told both my kids I was not concerned with the fact that they "HATED" me, or that I was ruining their lives...the answer was generally "no".then they began to make their own choices, which got better and better in time.  Lo and behold, one day, BOTH of my  grown-up children came to me(well, us) ande THANKED  us for being involved in their maturing process....
Gil and I, however, shock our adult kids regularly with the irresponsibility with which we live our lives of late!!! Life is short! We're making up for lost time.......

Linda, please tell your friend childrearing is NOT an exact science, and regardless of what you do, it's rife with pitfalls and perils!She needs to stand her ground, keep conversation open, give her kids enough rope to hang themselves and, as this thread bears out, realize maturity comes at widely different times in  childrens lives.
One day.and it's coming, she'll hear her now-adult offspring say "Thank you Mom....I hated it when I was going through it, but now I understand, it wasn't YOU I hated, it was the adult I wanted to be trying to pass through the child I still was.......and.....are ya ready for it????

Mom, Dad........(OOOH< my GAWDDDD, how sweet it is.........)

YOU WERE RIGHT!!

Brings tears to my eyes........

Me?? Not doing it!! I will play hopscotch, ditch work to go to the beach,
drive fast....and NOONE's GONNA STOP ME!  I'm a grown up!!!

Thanks for asking, Linda!

Cathi :-*

When I was 18 and moved out of the house to go to college, my old man was completely full of shit.

By the time I was 21 and got married, it was AMAZING what he had learned in just three short years.

  Thank you all so much for sharing your thoughts on this subject with me.  I appreciate it a lot and hope I can help my friend a little bit better now after to reading your stories.

I suppose one could say then, that adversity is the key thing in maturing and becoming responsible.  I know when times were good and everything ran smoothly,  I may have enjoyed it, but I sure didn't learn a lot.  


        Thanks EVERYONE, except Marc.  The jury is still out on him..LOL    JK Marc...you know I love ya.  ;D

I never thought of myself as an adult but it was instructive when I left home for a few years and discovered that nobody was following me around to catch me when I fell. I was left to my own devices.

Also when I discovered how many really silly people become doctors.

Charlie

I guess the moment I became mature and responsible was when I realized, at a very young age, that I was on my own. I had a roof and food and clothes, but otherwise, I was on my own. Had to wait till I was 17 to move out legally, and I did. Or my parents would have had the cops after me.

On the other hand, my sister lived with my mom until she was 24. She had to move out when my mom got remarried, or I think she would have lived with her forever.

Linda -

I love you!

:-*

23 years old, I realized most people are full of shit and the only way I was every going to make a life for myself was to put my nose to the grind stone and work my ass off.  Not depending on any one else has served me pretty well since then.  

boot camp

Been working since I was 14. Bought my 1st car when I was 15 and been taking care of business since then.  I could have anything I wanted, as long as I could pay for it and maintain it.

For my two sons - USMC definately helped hone them into fine young men.