trying to push their way through, I am, once again alerted to my 23 yr old son Keith's cries................of course, he went out for a few beers with the boys & this is when emotions run high.
He is crying for his father, someone who he "thought" he was close to, his "buddy", his "role model"..........Someone he hasn't talked to in months..why? because his father & his mothers ex bf betrayed him................by sneaking around & dating.  Yes, we are separated, but IT JUST IS NOT RIGHT.........................
Now he "hates" him, and his father doesn't care, he is enjoying his single life, & in his words, "It's all about me now.  I am going to be selfish for once in my life". This is a man I "thought" I knew for 25 years.
It just is not right, guys, no it's not, as Keith says through tears "I don't want to be like him".
Now it's 3:10, his cries are softer now, hopefully he will be asleep soon. I pour a glass of wine, and light a cigarette.
I KNOW he needs to get past this anger, and @ times, especially now, I get tired of being so strong.
Tears fill my eyes as I remember how they were and how they are - a 50 year old man, and a 23 year old man-child.  What 2 say? What 2 do? A child inside a man's body who hurts so damn bad, & it hurts me more 2 see him hurt.  If only I could take his pain away, or better yet, if his father would only understand....................
Keith's pain is so much more than my CH.  
It doesn't matter how old they are, they still hurt.
And sometimes a mother just doesn't know what to do anymore.................She is so tired............................
Thanks for listening, I feel better.  I will finish my wine, and "attempt" to sleep.
deb

[smiley=hug.gif]

Guiseppi :'(

Suck it up, shit happens.....welcome to the real world!  :-*

Unfortunately Deb this isn't one you can fix.  Just assure him that he doesn't have to be his Father.  We all walk our own path.

[smiley=hug.gif]

-Dennis-

Jonny, i hear you, however everyone handles so differently, and what's easy for one, is not for the other.................my daughter Samantha,19, is handling it differently than Keith.................she doesn't want to address for fear of "hurting her father", though that doesn't make her way right either...............and he "buys her love".
I am one who is always trying to "right the wrong", though many times it just doesn't happen.....................
It just doesn't matter how old they are, as a parent, you want to take away that hurt.................
thanks
deb

Wish I had some pearl of wisdom but alas.....all I can do is tell you that most of us have had to wade through piles of shit now and then. It's part of the deal which sucks now and then but we're stuck with it. Ranting here should help and let it fly. I'll read your stuff.

Hold on kid.  [smiley=hug.gif]          

Charlie      

I'll tell you, I'm 34 and I still cry for a father.  A REAL father, not a dead one nor a crack addict.  

All you can do is tell him you're sorry, even though you didn't do anything.  In my own opinion, it helps some of the pain.

I'm so very sorry he's hurting.  Give him a hug for me.

:'(mel

The only pain worse than CH is the pain of the heart, and only time can heal it.

My father was an alcoholic not a very nice person so it was easy for me to let him go. Like Mel said. I wish I had one to miss… And the jerk is only 10 miles away. I always wondered what it would have been like to have a father who cared more about me than the dam bottle.

All I ever wanted was for him to say he was sorry or even acknowledge the pain he caused me in my teens. Pipe dreams are forever!

They will get over it. I would try to stay out of it because bad things you say about the ex may haunt you when kids are older and or if the ex comes around.

Just be liberal with the hugs and Kleenex.


Roland. :'(

thanks all..i came in today after a 120 mile drive with my bgf, to clear my head, went to the end of the island, and keith told me he was meeting his father 4 dinner.....@6, but he wasnt sure if he could do.....................................
.numerous texts as he was outside the restaurant, and he went in to meet him.............and he has told me he will speak to someone this week................(therapist)
.demons are terrible.................................... i KNOW he needs to let it go, he needs to heal.....................however HE needs to come to that conclusion himself.................................all of your kind words mean so much to me, and i love u all for that..........mel, roland, jonny, dennis, joe,......and i assure you, i NEVER speak ill of him...................for some reason Charlie's hit me in the "gut"........................... and i mean that in an "oh so good way".....................thanks again, all my fam...........................
deb

debOUCH wrote on Nov 16^th, 2008 at 7:52pm:

thanks all..i came in today after a 120 mile drive with my bgf, to clear my head, went to the end of the island, and keith told me he was meeting his father 4 dinner.....@6, but he wasnt sure if he could do..................................... .numerous texts as he was outside the restaurant, and he went in to meet him.............and he has told me he will speak to someone this week................(therapist) .demons are terrible.................................... i KNOW he needs to let it go, he needs to heal.....................however HE needs to come to that conclusion himself.................................all of your kind words mean so much to me, and i love u all for that..........mel, roland, jonny, dennis, joe,......and i assure you, i NEVER speak ill of him...................for some reason Charlie's hit me in the "gut"........................... and i mean that in an "oh so good way".....................thanks again, all my fam........................... deb

That's one of the best things you can do for him. I speak from experience.

My whole family did NOT speak ill of my father while I was a child, my Mother asked them not to. I didn't know him, and she wanted to make sure that when I met him I came to my own conclusions...

I can't put into words how much it means to me that they did this. My Grandfather has been my father figure, so I never really missed out...

I wound up deciding I didn't like who my father was, when I did meet him again at 9... When I was 13 I cut off communication with him. But my family made sure it was up to me. That I wasn't poisoned by how they felt about him. It made me respect them all even more, and made me feel grateful.

I hope things get better for you, PFDAN.
Mystina