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Daily Chat >> General Posts >> Short Story: Combat http://www.clusterheadaches.com/cgi-bin/yabb2/YaBB.pl?num=1228702361 Message started by dionysiusaeropagite on Dec 7th, 2008 at 9:12pm |
Title: Short Story: Combat Post by dionysiusaeropagite on Dec 7th, 2008 at 9:12pm
Here is a Short Story I wrote.
Msgr. Mileski hereby receives my express permission to quote my editor's comment in its entirety on the back cover of his forthcoming monograph, which will explore the struggles of the human person in the face of devastating, unpredictable, and dehumanizing physical pain. --Fr. Kevin Bauman-- Groggily, I come to consciousness. Sensation begins around my eye. Life's little ironies genuinely are funny at time. For the longest time, my left eye was the stronger of the two. Now, however, it is the area around my left eye where I have so much trouble. I look at the clock and see that the time is now 5:30 a.m. The third time I have awaken like this since I went to bed. I lay in bed, engaged in a battle between my desire to sleep and my better judgment. Judgment tells me that if I do not get up now, things will get far, far worse. Desire, on the other hand, reminds judgment that there have been times where things didn't get worse, that I was able to just go back to sleep with no problem whatsoever. Judgment wins the argument by simply asking how long it has been since this has been the case. Desire yields, and I get out of bed ... it has been nearly 10 – utterly valuable – minutes ... the fear of “will I make it in time” flashes across my mind. I stumble to my feet, making my way across the room. I must be careful not to trip or step on anything. My room is a disaster because of the disarray that now seems to run rampant in my life. I must cross what seems like a minefield. I maneuver around the books and shoes, adding to the minefield by strategically hurling the items on my chair to the floor. As my body collapses to the chair, I try with all my might to lift my numb arms to activate what I have come to call “the breath of God.” I reach out, grasping with all my might, the conduit with which I will receive so sweet a breath. A twinge, appearing suddenly and with such great intensity, nearly knocks me to the ground. All I am able to do is let out a small whimper. It takes a moment, but the twinge passes and I sit upright once again. I am always surprised at how quickly I come to my full senses when the twinge hits. With great haste, I take firm hold and open the conduit gate, allowing the breath of God to fill my nostrils and lungs. Deeply I breathe in the heavenly air. Air so pure that I find myself quickly filled with a new strength, a strenght I know I will need for the battle to come. And come it does. The beast manifests himself and the battle ensues. He begins his onslaught by climbing upon my back, allowing his full weight to fall upon me. I struggle to stretch and twist to get him off, but alas, it is to no avail. Taking a firm hold to me, the beast places his hands upon my head, pressing his fingers into my skull. I fight, swat, and push back, but he is more powerful that I. Harder and harder the beast presses upon me, trying to pierce my cranium, and rip it apart. Breathing deeply of the breath of life, I allow it to hold my head together, and prevent the beast from tearing my head asunder. This is a battle I have fought many a time, and have long learned that the only way to succeed is to sacrifice and let someone or something else fight this battle for me. I am too weak to take on the beast alone. Growing frustrated with the failure of his previous tactic, the beast succeeds in what can only be referred to as a “sneak attack.” Without my knowing, the beast had taken his tail, and with a swift motion, pierced the back of my head, and was now using it to liberate my left eye from my face. My hand, beyond my control, jolts forward to prevent the beast's blow. With all my might, I try to hold my eye in place, but the beast doesn't submit. As the pain grows worse, every other thought in my mind vanishes, save one - “Who shall come to my aid?” In a desperate attempt to shake the beast from me, I arise, and try to throw the beast to the ground. I strike at him, only to hit myself for the beast had moved at the last moment. His agility is remarkable considering his size and power. After some time of vain struggle, the weight and power of the beast forces me to my knees. Doubled over in pain, I arrive at a very brief and unexpected moment of clarity. I plead to God to aid me in this battle. While Crying out to the Lord and blessed St. Michael with all my heart, a fascinating moment begins. The beast, frozen with fear, creates an opening. I muster up whatever strength I can, make my way to my feet, and place myself back into my chair, breathing as deeply of the breath of God as my lungs will allow. It seems as though the wind begins to blow stronger and stronger. I then feel the beast beginning to lose his foothold. His tail is thrown from my head, and the pain instantly subsides. He attempts to take a few more blows, but his strength and power have been drained of him in the presence of the Almighty and His general. Once the beast is at his weakest, I feel a gust from Michael's wings as he swoops down and thrusts the beast back to the Hell from whence he came. The battle is won. The beast has been defeated once again. I take a few moments, just being in the presence of God and Michael, giving thanks for their aid. I feel the warmth of the Lord, and the embrace of Michael, for they both know what I have been through. I am affirmed in my persistence in faith. The Lord, Michael, and I just take a moment, and sit together. We say nothing, for nothing else need be said. Finally, the Lord tells me it is time for me to return to my bed. I ask Him if he would remember me should the beast return, fearing deep down that the beast will return (he has returned more times than I can count). The Lord says consoles me, tells me to not be afraid, remain faithful, and all things will be granted unto me. Michael gives me one last embrace, an embrace that lets me know that he too will come should I need him. I sit for one more moment, shut the conduit gate, and I return to sleep. Please comment and let me know what you think. Criticism is also appreciated. |
Title: Re: Short Story: Combat Post by dionysiusaeropagite on Dec 7th, 2008 at 9:31pm
"Msgr. Mileski has written a very powerful and moving short story, which is drawn from his own life experience. Written in the first person, the text explores the heights, breadths, and depths of the human struggle to survive. Another important achievement in the development of his literary opus." --Fr. Kevin Bauman--
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Title: Re: Short Story: Combat Post by Rolomatic on Dec 7th, 2008 at 9:36pm
Joseph,
Very good (true) story! PFW’s, Roland. [smiley=thumb.gif] Edit to remove O2 endorsement :-X |
Title: Re: Short Story: Combat Post by Ree on Dec 7th, 2008 at 9:39pm
That was one incredibly real visualization of your cluster battle. I am so sorry for your suffering Father. My husband Dave too has Cluster Headache and we are praying that his remission lasts forever. You are a talented writer, though I can't imagine being a priest and having to deal with CH. How would you cope if the beast decides to attack during a Mass? (curiosity) I know once a Mass starts it cannot be interrupted. I am glad you have your faith and St Michael to assist you in battle. I will ask my husband to use his aid in his next match with the beast...
Be well and God Bless Ree |
Title: Re: Short Story: Combat Post by cynjeep89 on Dec 7th, 2008 at 9:52pm
Wow! Felt like I was walking with you every step of the way.
The chaos in the house that accompanies a rough cycle is something I think all of us can understand. Just trying to brush my teeth without crying is all I can accomplish at times. Housework or cleaning is not a priority. Once the storm has passed, it can be downright scary to see what has been left in its wake. Beautiful and soul deep writing. Thanks for sharing it with us. |
Title: Re: Short Story: Combat Post by vietvet2tours on Dec 7th, 2008 at 9:56pm
Don't quit your day job. Oh yeah get that o2.
Kinder gentler Potter |
Title: Re: Short Story: Combat Post by Rolomatic on Dec 7th, 2008 at 10:00pm Potter wrote on Dec 7th, 2008 at 9:56pm:
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Title: Re: Short Story: Combat Post by kayarr on Dec 7th, 2008 at 10:08pm
You did a great job of discribing what my husband has said. You seem to have a good handle on the going back to sleep part too. Jeff only wakes up as much as possible, uses his O2 and falls back to sleep. Even down to the if you wait too long it's worse part.
Thank you for sharing. Kimberly |
Title: Re: Short Story: Combat Post by dionysiusaeropagite on Dec 7th, 2008 at 10:12pm
i assume that by the comments of "don't quit your day job" that I still have some work to do. Secondly, i feel the need to clarify. I took some creative license. In the piece, "Breath of God" refers to my beloved O2.
So, for the love of God ... Get off my back about the o2!! I am really beginning to get irritated about this. Offer me compassion, but act like you're my doctor and have authority over how I deal with my headaches. |
Title: Re: Short Story: Combat Post by Rolomatic on Dec 7th, 2008 at 10:38pm
Joseph, I kind of got the impression you were using O2 In an antidotal way but wasn’t sure. I just had to add the plug… Sorry.
I was a catholic school boy and am relived that there is some fire coming from your pulpit. We need to get to know you better! This board is chalked full of people who understand pain quiet intimately so please bear with us… If I had found the Ark of the oxygen years before I eventually did, I would have probably not lost my faith in God. I had to quit my church council because of all the evening CH hits, and my church ended up going under. Just another thing I feel guilty for because of my condition. If I had found this place and had O2 pushers back then, It would have made a stupendous difference in my present day life. Ok, I’m off the soap box now… Best to you, and may God be with you now and forever. Roland. :) |
Title: Re: Short Story: Combat Post by kayarr on Dec 7th, 2008 at 10:39pm dionysiusaeropagite wrote on Dec 7th, 2008 at 10:12pm:
I understood that is what you meant. I found it to be very creative and well written. Quite descriptive, really. You put into words something that my husband has tried to explain to me. Hope you get some good rest soon. Kimberly |
Title: Re: Short Story: Combat Post by dionysiusaeropagite on Dec 7th, 2008 at 10:49pm
My Dear Potter,
Your criticism of my short story lacks any measure of human empathy. On several occasions, members from this community have voiced shock and dismay at your pronounced failure to comfort and support your fellow human beings in a humane manner. Your inability to offer the most basic and simple human concern for your fellow man disheartens me greatly. In addition, you paint yourself as a so-called "expert," claiming that o2 is the sole form of treatment for our condition. Moreover, you have the singular audacity to make unfounded diagnoses, when in fact you have no basis or authority to express any professional opinion. In my opinion, you would benefit markedly if you were to humble yourself by learning from those who genuinely suffer yet so willingly persevere and courageously offer hope. Joseph L. Mileski |
Title: Re: Short Story: Combat Post by Jimi on Dec 7th, 2008 at 11:21pm
Father, don't focus on the one negative. Negativity and cynicism in a persons makeup make for a sad individual. Look at all that enjoyed it and and don't dwell on the negative. It won't help your calling, your relationship, or your sense of purpose.
BTW, I enjoyed it. Peace brother. |
Title: Re: Short Story: Combat Post by Guiseppi on Dec 7th, 2008 at 11:33pm
Jimi is just one more person on the board who possesses the eloquence of speech I so lack...so....what Jimi said. ;) I liked it.
Guiseppi |
Title: Re: Short Story: Combat Post by Ray on Dec 7th, 2008 at 11:51pm
Dear Joseph:
You've painted a word picture that I can relate to. Seeing that you are local to me, in Columbus, OH, perhaps you would like to talk on the phone, or in person. PM me if you're interested. Wishing you well, Ray |
Title: Re: Short Story: Combat Post by Linda_Howell on Dec 8th, 2008 at 12:07am Father Joe...I asked you earlier to yes....please do post your thoughts here and anything you wanted to share with us. I found what you wrote to be a very accurate and very poetic example of what we all feel and what most of us cannot put to words as you did so eloquently here. Thank you. Your words brought tears to my eyes. Linda |
Title: Re: Short Story: Combat Post by Mat on Dec 8th, 2008 at 9:02am Potter wrote on Dec 7th, 2008 at 9:56pm:
This is good advice Father but for a different reason, there are few enough already who both hear and heed the calling that you have. Matt |
Title: Re: Short Story: Combat Post by pubgirl on Dec 8th, 2008 at 9:26am dionysiusaeropagite wrote on Dec 7th, 2008 at 10:12pm:
Work to do on this? Not so......!!!! The language you use and the way you use it really does mean an awful lot of sufferers here. There is no way someone who does not suffer as CH'ers do could describe what you do. Breath of Life means many things to many faiths- but to me with CH it means 02. Created by God, modified so I can use it by man and my Godsend! Even Potter (vietvet2tours) believes this with his soul even if he doesn't have a faith, he has one in 02 so there is hope!!!! W |
Title: Re: Short Story: Combat Post by pubgirl on Dec 8th, 2008 at 9:39am dionysiusaeropagite wrote on Dec 7th, 2008 at 10:49pm:
You have been reading the site haven't you? I don't defend Potter as he would really hate it if I did, but there is judgemental language in the post above and it would probably inflame me I am afraid, in the same way as the language in your prose enriched, so maybe I am more like Potter than I thought. :-[ Put it this way, if you posted the above without posting as a representative of a faith with perhaps some right to judge??????, it would probably be less well received as it pretty strong for an early post?? Oh Lorks! Looks like I am going to have to exile myself YET AGAIN!!!!!!!! w |
Title: Re: Short Story: Combat Post by Artonio on Dec 8th, 2008 at 9:46am
Hey Father Joe... Great story! Nicely written and I loved the double edged sword approach. Yep I felt it could have been taken a few different ways... which is sweet.
For me personally, having experienced cluster headaches, I certainly related to that aspect... I can also see where it might apply to a person struggling with a moral or spiritual dilemma... "kind of like a dark night of the soul" St. John of the cross would be proud. Don't quit your day job... the church needs priests. Continue to write as well... with warm regards, Tony |
Title: Re: Short Story: Combat Post by vietvet2tours on Dec 8th, 2008 at 11:08am dionysiusaeropagite wrote on Dec 7th, 2008 at 10:49pm:
Show me one thread where I have diagnosed or claimed that 02 is the only form of treatment. You asked for criticism or comments and I commented, not criticized. Were those five words I penned that powerful? Potter |
Title: Re: Short Story: Combat Post by Kirk on Dec 8th, 2008 at 11:47am
Pretty good piece sky pilot. I don't think I'd care to pick it apart. Keep your day job. You seem to be good at it.
[smiley=smokin.gif] |
Title: Re: Short Story: Combat Post by AussieBrian on Dec 8th, 2008 at 12:23pm Potter wrote on Dec 8th, 2008 at 11:08am:
Potter wrote on Dec 3rd, 2008 at 1:54pm:
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Title: Re: Short Story: Combat Post by vietvet2tours on Dec 8th, 2008 at 12:36pm AussieBrian wrote on Dec 8th, 2008 at 12:23pm:
Not exactly a diagnosis or the only form of treatment. Just a hypothesis. How bout the thirty percent that o2 don't work for got really bad cluster headaches. Kinder gentler Potter |
Title: Re: Short Story: Combat Post by thebbz on Dec 8th, 2008 at 1:11pm
Good story. One we all know too well. Dont quit your day job, we could use more spiritual leaders. We are a diverse bunch here. Dont expect all to have the same response. We are all different the way God intended. That doesn't make anyone less human or empathetic, just different. 8-) Your response to one opinion seems unfatherly. You asked for criticism. You got it. What you didn't get was the other 95% of communication...body language, visual clues. Add those to the comment and you would relax about it. Lighten up!!! All of you, my friends in battle, we have bigger foes than ourselves.
all the best to all the best the bb :P :P |
Title: Re: Short Story: Combat Post by fdharden on Dec 8th, 2008 at 1:21pm
O2 has always worked to abort a CH for me, but only after I learned from this site (especially from Kip) how to use it correctly. BTW, I have heard from a couple of migraine people that O2 also works for them. Imitrex also works to abort everytime for me and is much faster. I don't have any side effects from either.
About the story: Drummer was the best writer to post here, but to each his own. I don't have a day job, so I can write all the crap I want. Authors are very thin-skinned, especially before they are published. Just another opinion. |
Title: Re: Short Story: Combat Post by TomM on Dec 8th, 2008 at 1:59pm wrote on Dec 8th, 2008 at 1:11pm:
Very well stated. TomM |
Title: Re: Short Story: Combat Post by Bob P on Dec 8th, 2008 at 6:28pm
Since I've read Paco's book and know he's an excellent writer, I'll go with what he says.
PS - I really liked the sex scene Paco. PPS - Drummer is an idiot! |
Title: Re: Short Story: Combat Post by BMoneeTheMoneeMan on Dec 8th, 2008 at 7:19pm
Jesus H Christ, people.
The fuckin guy didn't say he IS Jesus, he said he devotes his life TO Jesus. Just like having a child seems to be a license to tell everyone else how to parent........putting on the robe seems to be your license for everyone else to pick you apart and let you know your shortcomings when compared to the Lord. C'mon people. WTF? >:( |
Title: Re: Short Story: Combat Post by Artonio on Dec 8th, 2008 at 7:41pm BMoneeTheMoneeMan wrote on Dec 8th, 2008 at 7:19pm:
LOL... I know... it doesn't seem fair does it Brian? But where could one possibly find a better place to practice patience than on an internet forum? Just avoiding thoughts of strangling folks alone has to be worth some sort of "graces, or indulgences, or whatever the bonus points are called now days. If we can all just learn to treat each other like our beloved mother or grandmother... (assuming of course that you don't want to kill either of them) Life would be grand. :-* with warm regards, Tony |
Title: Re: Short Story: Combat Post by KJ on Dec 8th, 2008 at 8:54pm Quote:
I agree Tony, so why does he sound irritated? Quote:
Time out, Joe. You are twenty-five posts into your time here (right?). Why blast a veteran, who gave you a five word response to your post? So, it wasn't flattering....you asked for criticism, right? Turn the other cheek, and move on. :) |
Title: Re: Short Story: Combat Post by dionysiusaeropagite on Dec 9th, 2008 at 6:05am
well ... it seems I really stirred the pot huh?
First off, the criticism of my work really wasn't the main emphasis of my concern. True, I may still be a bit of a "newbie," that doesn't mean that I cannot call someone or something out when I see it. Secondly, the main problem I have with Potter, and I have made this known to him, is that he portrays himself as though he is an "expert" in all things related to cluster headaches. In doing so, he has, on more than one occasion, inserted his opinion in a rather abrupt way, lacking any sympathy or empathy. I seem to remember several others who either left, or nearly left because of this very fact. Potter's, and others like him, seem to think that they have the authority to tell anyone and everyone exactly how they should deal with our condition, disregarding the fact that doctors, especially neurologists, know far more and have more authority than they do. Potter has 1.) accused me of not having cluster headaches because I was reluctant at using O2 since the other forms of medication were working (they have since stopped working and I am using O2 now). 2.) accused my neurologist of being incompetent (in not so many words) because he was a little reluctant at prescribing O2. (reason being is because both of us figured I was maybe a week out from ending my cycle). 3.) his comments about my short story were merely the straw that broke the camel's back so to say. Truth is, I felt the need to step in and say something because it didn't seem like anyone else was. I personally have the strength to let his antics roll off my back, but others haven't. Part of being a good man, (let alone a good priest), is stepping in and being the voice for those who cannot speak. |
Title: Re: Short Story: Combat Post by Rolomatic on Dec 9th, 2008 at 8:33am
So KJ, are you saying because Joe only has only 25 posts under his belt that he should tuck and run? He has the same right to express his feelings as someone with 412 posts! Why blast a new user?
Five poisonous words can be just as powerful as five golden words! Roland… [smiley=thumbdown.gif] |
Title: Re: Short Story: Combat Post by Artonio on Dec 9th, 2008 at 8:39am
Father Joe... you seem to have a problem with Potter..." the main problem I have with Potter, and I have made this known to him, is that he portrays himself as though he is an "expert" in all things related to cluster headaches. In doing so, he has, on more than one occasion, inserted his opinion in a rather abrupt way, lacking any sympathy or empathy. I seem to remember several others who either left, or nearly left because of this very fact. "
It appears to me that you are holding yourself out as a person who is an expert on the human condition. The way I see it... unless you've walked a mile in the mans shoes... what gives you he right to judge? You took his comment as a criticism... I didn't interpret it that way at all. You did ask for comments and criticism... he was gracious enough to give you the time... (a gift). with warm regards, Tony |
Title: Re: Short Story: Combat Post by Rolomatic on Dec 9th, 2008 at 9:45am Artonio wrote on Dec 9th, 2008 at 8:39am:
I hardly think grace was on his mind as he passed along his lackluster gift of critisisim. :( |
Title: Re: Short Story: Combat Post by Jimi on Dec 9th, 2008 at 10:01am
Father Joe, why are you dwelling on the one poster that disagrees that the story is prose personified. What about the other 95% who liked it?
If this was me, I would be thrilled that most liked it. But thats just me and alas ...a Protestant. ;) |
Title: Re: Short Story: Combat Post by George on Dec 9th, 2008 at 11:05am dionysiusaeropagite wrote on Dec 9th, 2008 at 6:05am:
It does. Of course--being new here "doesn't mean that I cannot call someone or something out when I see it." Pragmatically, however, do you think that will accomplish whatever change you would like to see? Have you attempted to discuss this privately? Seems like one might wish to resolve a dispute privately before involving the entire community. Of course, that's just me--but the results of involving the community in what may well be a private disagreement ought to be obvious by now. Best, George |
Title: Re: Short Story: Combat Post by fdharden on Dec 9th, 2008 at 1:26pm
I wrote this bit some months ago, for myself and for a local writers' group. I wanted to reflect on what made good reading. This is my take:
Belles-lettres… …those words chosen, that when arranged to convey the mood, emotion, setting and intention of the author, take on a presence of their own. They are words that live and live again each time they are read. Their construction and juxtaposition often bring about a lyrical quality, a Gestalt result that is so much more than simply a summation of the piece, or the passing on of information. Does the work put you there in the action? Do you sense the surroundings and their framing relationship to the events? Do you react physically to the tension, the love, the anger, the danger, hilarity, or the pangs of disaster? Do you identify with the characters to the point of deep empathy? Do you sometimes fear to turn the next page? Do you rejoice with the spontaneous discovery of the unique attraction of lovers? Do you sometimes gasp or laugh out loud or cry? Do you want the story to never end? Enduring works are those that mirror life with reflections that become more real and solid with each new reader. fdharden - 2008 Paco |
Title: Re: Short Story: Combat Post by Bob P on Dec 9th, 2008 at 1:52pm
Swoon.......
You sure write well..........for a guy in diapers. |
Title: Re: Short Story: Combat Post by fdharden on Dec 9th, 2008 at 2:01pm
Hmmm. Been sniffing around, huh?
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Title: Re: Short Story: Combat Post by BlueDog on Dec 9th, 2008 at 2:32pm
I think the story "combat" was well written and well received by most who read it including myself. I don't however believe it was intended to create war among the people who read and post here. I agree with those who have suggested that private disagreements could be better addressed privately, perhaps in a private message. Writing such a story would be difficult if not impossible without having experienced the pain of cluster headaches, our universal reason for attending this great forum. We share our pain here and it's obvious the author needed to share his pain in the best way he knew how and the effort turned out well. Great job!
Now as far as the rest of the thread, it's unfortunate that the original theme was set off course. I'm new here, but i suggest the story be re-posted again some day and let it hold it's own without the controversy. I believe in the heartfelt words I have received within this family of suffers and retain hope for it's future benefits. Sunset reminds me, life is uncertain... know joy for this day! :)PFDAN's is my wish for us all! Bluedog |
Title: Re: Short Story: Combat Post by pubgirl on Dec 9th, 2008 at 5:21pm BlueDog wrote on Dec 9th, 2008 at 2:32pm:
Sounds like a really good idea to me as the language in the original prose was meaningful to many sufferers but the seeming need to "teach other people a lesson" via the judgemental and frankly patronising comments which followed stick in my own personal craw BIG time and detracted from the original post. A real shame W W the B |
Title: Re: Short Story: Combat Post by pubgirl on Dec 9th, 2008 at 5:58pm karma wrote on Dec 9th, 2008 at 5:34pm:
Yes, because I was truly ashamed of it. But I'm not ashamed of anything else I wrote W |
Title: Re: Short Story: Combat Post by karma on Dec 9th, 2008 at 6:01pm
Yea me to. So I guess we're even :D
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Title: Re: Short Story: Combat Post by fdharden on Dec 9th, 2008 at 11:01pm |
Title: Re: Short Story: Combat Post by dionysiusaeropagite on Dec 10th, 2008 at 1:34pm
potter,
I have stated on several, and I do mean several, occasions that I am nothing but a lowly seminarian. After having corrected people on numerous occasions, I cannot control how people insist to address me. My priest friend calls me "msgr" in an endearing and friendly way. In fact, he calls many seminarians "msgr" simply out of love. I have never claimed to be a priest, msgr, nor bishop. I have never claimed to be anything but a seminarian. |
Title: Re: Short Story: Combat Post by Charlie on Dec 10th, 2008 at 1:43pm
It took me time but I finally got the "breath of God" part. You had me after that.
Not a bad description too. Charlie |
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