Okay, I just want to cry for a minute here...I think the CH is over, but it's left me hypersensitive to nasty, all-day-long migraines from hell...

It all hit in the middle of my first full semester back at college, too late to drop, and I'm STILL scrambling to get the last projects finished so I can move on...it's been hell trying to do this stuff with this pain, and meds don't help, and a 5-yr-old...I'm f#@ing exhausted.  I even broke down and cried on the phone to a professor- I NEVER cry in front of people.

So now I'm sick with a nasty sinus infection, too, and physically and mentally wiped out- not to mention coming to terms with a diagnosis of a life-long pain ride...

But my man is no help lately.  I can't blame him at all for being overwhelmed with this; but, damn, he's getting these debilitating panic attacks now, that keep him in bed all day- JUST when I need him the most!!!  And I am angry!!  I mean, jesus, "I" am the one with a crushing disease, and HE'S curled up in bed hyperventilating!!!  It's not fair!  
And I can't even confide in him anymore, because it's so upsetting to him- so I have to keep it all to myself and just cry in my bathroom.  And when he's upset, he gets sullen and withdrawn, so he mopes around the house looking like he's sick of me.  I just about can't take it anymore!!!  He swears he's not upset with me, but LOOKS and SOUNDS like he is...

And I just had another fight on the phone with my mother, the most unsupportive person on earth, who ends up yelling at me because I make things so difficult for HER (because she freaks out about every little detail, and get worked up over stupid internet myths and bogus science, and if I dare disagree with her she blows up at me.)

I really do have no one but you guys.  No one really gives me credit for what I'm going through.  It's all just pop some pills, take a night off, and get back to work.

Wow.......I don't know really what to say, other than to throw out a couple of things.

1. Can he go to the doctor about his panic attacks? Surely there is some medication that he can take to get him out of that bed.
2. Imitrex tablets works on migraines for many people that I know of.
3. Count to 10 and take a deep breath. This WILL get better.

Thats all I can come up with for now. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate for such a young person.   :(

The light is always on in Clusterville, and you can talk to us anytime you need too, or just want a friend, we are here.

Very, very frustrating trying to explain to someone what we have, most just don't "get it". Outside this site I have a few wonderful supporters. My wife Angie, her brother and her dad, and my main dude would be my neuro. My mom cares but has never seen me hit and I do not want her to at her age now. She always ask's how are my headaches and I reply with a hug and tell her "I am ok, really! Don't worry"

My workplace, forget it. I am so fortunate not to have daytime hits, with a couple of exceptions, so they have not seen me doing the dance. I live 2 minutes between my work and home so I just say " I have to go right now" and my boss says go! No problem, so that is cool! Home to the mother ship of o2!!!

Sorry for what you are going through, and hope we can help steer you in the right direction to get some PF time!!!

  Barry :)

Can I call you something other than under the radar?

Vent and cry all you want here hon.  That's what we're here for.

There are meds he can take for those panic attacks.  Is this something new for him? or has been having them for a while?  In the shape you're in...he could be more supportive.  There are a few here who get them and hopefully they'll see this and offer some suggestions.

You're among friends here, cry away...

Linda

Yes! Exactly!  You just can't explain this to someone...I'm either getting treated like I'm some fragile thing that just can't handle real life or I get blown off as a nut.  My mom somehow manages to get mad at me for it... she blames it on going back to school (she's in the "fragile" mindset) and does an "i told you so" and then goes on a tirade about how I should have gotten on insurance, that would have prevented this...

And people don't understand how debilitating this is on a daily basis...migraine?  a normal migraine, yes, I can "work" through it.  but CH, and these "supermigraines" keep me completely out.

As for meds, I've tried everything for the migraines and nothing but the Floricet helps, and I'm using that as little as possible. I'm sure part of it is that I'm exhausted.  I'm really hoping that this break will be restful for me.  As for my dude, he refuses to see a doctor...he does see a therapist, but the guy told him "it's probably just stress" and gave him some frikkin' breathing exercises to do and sent him on his merry way.  :P

Thanks, guys, I feel better just having it validated that I'm not just a whiny little bitch about CH...that it really is THAT BAD.  I want my street creds, you know?!  ;D

All I can say is if they don’t support you and your efforts to seek understanding of your condition, then leave them out of it for your wellbeing. You can find all the support you need right here at “we love you for who you are.com” also known as CH .com… Sorry to hear that your BF won’t or can’t be there for you in your time of need…

PFW’s,

Roland. [smiley=hug.gif] &  :-*

Well that just all sucks.   [smiley=hug.gif] [smiley=hug.gif] [smiley=hug.gif]  You're not imagining things - there isn't anything worse than that pain.  

We have problems with Gary's mom - it's the same thing.  It's all about her.  We know that mom.  So more  [smiley=hug.gif]

Hate to ask it - but have you given the "Colleague" letter to your family?  Didn't help with the moms, but it definitely helped with friends.

It's stickied up at the top of the getting to know you forum.

[smiley=hug.gif]  Hang in there.

Laurie

Garys_Girl wrote on Dec 19^th, 2008 at 8:54pm:

- there isn't anything worse than that pain except CH.

Fix'ed for ya dear. :-*

Thanks, y'all.  I think "that just all sucks" is the best thing to say.  :)  My dude and I had a nice talk today...he feels very sorry for how he's acted, and explained that he's just panicked at not knowing how to help me or what to say, but he's getting a better handle on it, and he feels more prepared for next time- and also that he's not going anywhere on me.  :)

He told me he's been trolling around here a bit, and that he's going to start reading the "supporters" thread...hopefully that will help him not feel so responsible for how I feel, or like he's supposed to take away my pain or something...

I told him, "I'm NOT fragile. I've been through natural childbirth and five broken noses. I'm one tough bitch.  Don't worry about me handling the pain; just help me not be burdened by everything else on top of this."  I think he got it.  and he said that the whole time, he's been very proud of me, and he's never once thought of leaving me because of this.  :'(

It was also very tough on both of us at the beginning, because for the first several months I hadn't been diagnosed- I was just bit-by-bit getting more cranky and bitchy for no apparent reason (just like his first wife, hehe.)

Now I just wish I could get my professors to understand what I've been going through.  I busted my ass the first half of the semester, before it got intolerable, and got all A's on everything...in one class, I have an A on every single test and paper;  I have one paper left to write, and I asked him for an I;  He emails me back and says to just turn in the paper next semester and he'll go ahead and put me down for a B.  A "B"!!!!  Man, fu@k a B!!!!  I got A's on EVERYTHING!!!!  I got a DISEASE!!!  I don't deserve a "B"!!!!!   it's not fair.  But I guess I should just take the damn B and be grateful.  *sigh*

Thanks for listening, y'all.  I'm hoping that next time I'll be more prepared and it won't be so stressful.  Oh, and my name is actually Paige, hehe...I don't always remember to "sign" my posts... but I'm kinda liking being called Radar, too...I've never had a nickname before!  ;D

Paige,

Okay girl, here's the deal. We've all cried, bemoaned, swore, and at times asked our maker the big question now and then. It's part of the deal we've got with CH. Cluster headaches has made you a very strong person.

Great supporters are a surely a blessing. But even a great supporter will not get you across to the "other side". That's why even people without a support base find their way across. And that way is to "roll up your pant legs" and wade through the sh$t.

An exercise I tried a couple years ago was to accept the reality of the fact that CH is something to deal with for the rest of my life. Then I visualized how and who I wanted to be as a sufferer. And that included, how I would try to be those around me. How much I would let them in to my CH world. How I would take control of my CH? How I would always make arrangements for supply of O2 and Imitrex a priority, and my own responsibility. How would I would work around CH to manage as much control in my life outside of CH. How much I would talk about CH outside of this board. How I would communicate my condition to those close to me. Actually spending time visualizing helped me become better at dealing with my supporters (who didn't really deal all that well) and a stronger sufferer too.

And when all else fails, come here for a pick me up now and then.

I really don't want that to have all been preachy but it is 5:30 am and I was moved by your post and don't have any younger sisters. So, know that you have people here that understand your situation.   ;)

Scott

wrote on Dec 19^th, 2008 at 9:00pm:

Garys_Girl wrote on Dec 19th, 2008 at 8:54pm: - there isn't anything worse than that pain except CH.   Fix'ed for ya dear. :-*

Thanks Rolo.  By the time I wrote the note I forgot Radar said she thought she was out of cycle and the problem now was migraines.  Still a bitch, of course.

Radar - hope your dude decides to register.  Venting helps supporters too.  I know.  :)

And go talk to that Professor.  I don't think you deserve that B either.

[smiley=hug.gif]

Laurie