I'm blimmin sick of this. Haven't made church in 3 months, trying to run a business and juggle the debt-monster with weeks of shadows and clusters with no remit. 5AM and I can't flippin sleep with this beast,    don't want to go to bed and upset my wife and don't want to stay up and upset her. If I go to bed with a cluster I wake up with a cluster, if I don't go to bed with a cluster I lose days and nights. I'm an unproductive wreck masquerading as a grown man.

At least I get to deal with anger and patience problems I never knew I had......ah but I didn't have them until I had my first cluster bomb. And I've got a sodding (that's a clod of earth-ing) cold. Can't sneeze without setting off my beast, can't hold a sneeze without setting the beast off. Found the smell of nail polish was a trigger today, went from K5 to K8/9 in 4 seconds, acceleration is a wench :(

Just want to work 8 hours, sleep 8 hours (restful) and eat and rest like one of those average, normal people I see wandering around. I'm sick of the taste of the coffee that gets me through each day, and I used to love it so much. And I don't know how not to upset my wife... I can't hide the pain and it's not fair to her when I try. Just want sleep.

Growly,

Go ahead and vent , that is part of why we are here.

I myself an relatively new here and still learning the ropes of what meds and what aboarts works for me , but I am sure there is someone on the board that has a lot more time under the belt ( Wish with all that I am that they did not , I dont believe the beast should visit anyone ).

All I can advise at this time is hang in there , have plenty of red bull, oxygen and aborts on the ready ( though your millage may vary ) and get a hold of your Doc and or neuro and let them know whats going on , they might be able to do something to at least minimize the K level and let you rest.

As for the 9 - 5 productive normal person ... I would love to be able to go back to work tomorrow and be productive  but as for now the beast has other plans. Besides why be normal :)
 " I'm an unproductive wreck masquerading as a grown man."
   Dang don't that seem to wrap it up in a nutshell

Give your wife a hug, maybe a good cry and kick the beast to the curb if you can, if not then at least lock em in the back bedroom and enjoy a few hours of restful sleep

Wishing many a week of PFDAN to ya !!!

Welcome to your new family!  I'm sorry you have to be here!

You'll find a lot of support here on this board- the kind you can only get from people who have been there and are down in the trenches with the beast as we speak.  NO ONE understands this shite unless they've had it too!  :D

Welcome. I know this will sound like a load of shit but you need to live your life between the hits. Believe me i know it can be tough to live while in cycle, Take full advantage of the time you dont have hits. Think about getting some melatonin it will help the night hits and help you sleep. Coach Bill

Hi there
I don't know about you but i found a good rant has had a powerful effect on me, I don't like to talk about it much to non-CH people so this site has been a breath of fresh air for me...
Rant on!!!
[smiley=crash.gif]
sheena

Sorry you had to find the CH family here, but you've really got a great resource now.  Share your successes and failures and others with more experience will share back.  Read and study the information you get and take it to your doctors.

I'm new to the site and CH's and I don't know if I could have made it through the last 8 weeks or so without the great people and information I have been exposed to through this site.

Be specific with what is working and not working and be sure to read the links to the left, especially the one about Oxygen.

Best wishes to you and hope you stay around and learn more to control the beast.

Pain Free Days and Nights are my wish for you and all of us here!

Bluedog

O2 O2 O2!!  It gave me my life back, to some degree.  

Vent away Growly- I have just entered my second pain free day, and I think im out of my cycle now (HOPING!!!), but the last few weeks I felt every bit as miserable and frustrated as you write- the lack of sleep had me in a daze for weeks, and depression can set in very easily.  Hopefully you find some solace knowing that you can vent to others who know your pain, and are here to listen.  

Now go get some O2 and RedBull!!!

Cheers and PF days to you-

Bill