A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour, surgical procedure.

A young, student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.
Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask. "Are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet." He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles black?"

Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around.

Then, she takes a close look and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, sir!!"

The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very, very closely....










"A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k?"

;D

 Good one Brian[smiley=crackup.gif] [smiley=crackup.gif]

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Who the hell is that, Paco, and what are you attributing to them?

Read my post, goddamit! Some people spend years of their lives creating stuff, just to see it spread across the world without a mention of its source.
Paco

Ok, well, if you google it, there are pages and pages of links where this joke has been posted.  Do I have to cite every website, blog, magazine or barfly who has ever told this joke? Is it just a joke?

Am I supposed to research and list them in order of appearance too?  Bikerkiss.com certainly isnt the first website where a member has posted that joke, but you are attributing the joke to that website?  

Maybe I should have my attorney look over any jokes I post first and look for precedence?  He's $330 an hour, but that is a funny joke.  

How easy is it to post the url of the site where you copped the material? Even saves a lot of typing. Still, it was funny, so I guess you get some credit for passing it along. Good on you, mate.

2 reasons:
#1 The community where I heard that joke is personal.  The fact I am a member of that community is not public information.
#2 A link would not work since you need to be registered and verified by them in order to get access to the MB.  If you don't have an Oregon DL, you will not get access.  

Does this mean all jokes need to be accompanied with a citation of the orginal author and links to all URLs which have also told jokes?  

"Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that." --George Carlin

Actually, Paco, giving that fellow credit for the joke is unfair.  He posted that in June of 2008.  I heard that joke back when I was in the Navy, and that was back in 1968 to 1972 ...

I agree that credit needs to be given, when possible, but with most jokes, it is almost impossible to give accurate credit to the author.  So many have been passed around for YEARS.

Chuck

"Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that."

I think George Carlin simplified too much.

The mean value theorem only states that if there are people less stupid than the average, there must be some stupider. Here 'some' means any positive number, not necessarily the half.


                 [smiley=smokin.gif]

Is that like the glass is either half empty or half full theory?

That depends, Mel.  
You need to cite who came up with the 'glass half empty/half full' saying.  You trying to imply you came up with that yourself?

I dunno, do I seem like the type would would claim it for myself?  LOL

I will say one thing......that sure is one hell of a thread title.....LMMFAO!!!!! [smiley=crackup.gif]

Well, you didn't cite it.  START PRINTPAGEMultimedia File Viewing and Clickable Links are available for Registered Members only!!  You need to or END PRINTPAGE
So that means you stole  START PRINTPAGEMultimedia File Viewing and Clickable Links are available for Registered Members only!!  You need to or END PRINTPAGE   the phrase START PRINTPAGEMultimedia File Viewing and Clickable Links are available for Registered Members only!!  You need to or END PRINTPAGE   and are passing it along START PRINTPAGEMultimedia File Viewing and Clickable Links are available for Registered Members only!!  You need to or END PRINTPAGE   as your own START PRINTPAGEMultimedia File Viewing and Clickable Links are available for Registered Members only!!  You need to or END PRINTPAGE, which is against the law  START PRINTPAGEMultimedia File Viewing and Clickable Links are available for Registered Members only!!  You need to or END PRINTPAGE.

I hope all this START PRINTPAGEMultimedia File Viewing and Clickable Links are available for Registered Members only!!  You need to or END PRINTPAGE   was cited correctly START PRINTPAGEMultimedia File Viewing and Clickable Links are available for Registered Members only!!  You need to or END PRINTPAGE.

Thanks,  START PRINTPAGEMultimedia File Viewing and Clickable Links are available for Registered Members only!!  You need to or END PRINTPAGE
Brian   Mom & Dad

The title got my attention. ;D ;D
the bb
good one ;)

Brian, your "Mom and Dad" are not linkable, therefore I do not think you exist.

Anyway, before this thread gets anymore anal, I'd like to add that the vision of black testicles is going to give me nightmares tonight. :P

wrote on Dec 28^th, 2008 at 2:13pm:

The title got my attention. ;D ;D

Me, too.   ;D ;D ;D

I'm with Jonny. Who gives a shit where it comes from? It's out in the ether and it's funny.

Mean Old Charlie

I've invented jokes and had them come back to me within days from the other side of the world. I find it quite flattering.

[smiley=jammin.gif]LOL, WE, SW, SY...

wrote on Dec 28^th, 2008 at 10:31pm:

[smiley=jammin.gif]LOL, WE, SW, SY...

Huh?    8-)

wrote on Dec 28^th, 2008 at 10:31pm:

[smiley=jammin.gif]LOL, WE, SW, SY...

Laugh out loud, what ever, so what, see ya…  ;)

Internet jokes do not merit attribution...

seasonalboomer wrote on Dec 29^th, 2008 at 5:23pm:

Internet jokes do not merit attribution...

And rightly so, given that so few of them are actually funny.

"You can't handle the truth"

"A penny saved is a penny earned"

"even the losers get lucky sometime"

"I did not have sex with that woman"

"Let freedom ring"

"Thou shalt not covet your neigbors wife"

"Houston, we have a problem"

kevmd wrote on Dec 29^th, 2008 at 10:46pm:

"I did not have sex with that woman"

I've said that several times... probably even before Bill...

with warm regards,
Tony

Artonio wrote on Dec 29^th, 2008 at 11:35pm:

kevmd wrote on Dec 29th, 2008 at 10:46pm: "I did not have sex with that woman" I've said that several times... probably even before Bill... with warm regards, Tony

Difference being that more than likely, you were telling the truth.  :D

kevmd wrote on Dec 29^th, 2008 at 10:46pm:

"I did not have sexual relations with that woman" START PRINTPAGEMultimedia File Viewing and Clickable Links are available for Registered Members only!!  You need to or END PRINTPAGE "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife" START PRINTPAGEMultimedia File Viewing and Clickable Links are available for Registered Members only!!  You need to or END PRINTPAGE

Same answer to both, ::)

Not for lack of trying… ;D
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                 ↑ Click on it, I dare you…↑

;D [smiley=crackup.gif] [smiley=crackup.gif] [smiley=crackup.gif] ;D

Rolo. 8-)

kevmd wrote on Dec 29^th, 2008 at 10:46pm:

"Houston, we have a problem"

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Apollo 13 [film]
Apollo 13 is a 1995 film that dramatized the event of the ill-fated same-titled lunar mission in 1970. The movie was adapted by William Broyles Jr. and Al Reinert from the book Lost Moon by Jim Lovell and Jeffrey Kluger and was directed by Ron Howard. It stars Tom Hanks, Kevin Bacon, Bill Paxton, Gary Sinise and Ed Harris, and features Kathleen Quinlan.

Technical accuracy
The film is notable for its technical accuracy; principals reported that the film is reasonably faithful to the facts of the mission but adds some tension between the astronauts for dramatic effect.

The dialogue between ground control and the astronauts was taken verbatim from actual transcripts and recordings, with the notable exception of one of the tag lines of the film, "Houston, we have a problem."
[This quote was voted #50 on the list "AFI's 100 Years... 100 Movie Quotes".]
The words uttered by Jack Swigert were "Okay, Houston, we've had a problem here." Jim Lovell then repeated "Houston, we've had a problem." The script changed the quote deliberately, as Lovell's actual words suggested something happening in the past rather than the present.
-----------------------------------------------------------
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The Phrase Finder
Houston, we have a problem

Meaning
Originally a genuine report of a life-threatening fault. Now used humorously to report any kind of problem.

Origin
John Swigert, Jr. and James Lovell who, with Fred Haise Jr., made up the crew of the US's Apollo 13 moon flight used [almost] this phrase to report a major technical problem back to their Houston base.

Swigert: 'Okay, Houston, we've had a problem here.'
Duke: 'This is Houston. Say again please.'
Lovell: 'Houston, we've had a problem. We've had a main B bus undervolt.'

The phrase was later used as the tag line for the 1995 film - Apollo 13.
-----------------------------------------------------------
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- 1970 April 13-June 15 -  Apollo 13 - "Hey - we've got a problem here"  Spacecraft: Apollo CSM.

"Hey, we've got a problem here." The message from the Apollo 13 spacecraft to Houston ground controllers at 10:08 p.m. EDT on April 13, initiated an investigation to determine the cause of an oxygen tank failure that aborted the Apollo 13 mission.

Additional Details: Apollo 13 - "Hey - we've got a problem here".

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  :)

I usually just stick with, "OH SHIT!!" Try finding the original for THAT!!!  ;D ;D

The first person to say "There is nothing new under the sun" was probably the last person to say anything new under the sun.

Frank_W wrote on Dec 30^th, 2008 at 12:04am:

I usually just stick with, "OH SHIT!!" Try finding the original for THAT!!!  ;D ;D

Two guys are in a truck drunk and driving up a long dirt driveway way to fukin fast, and the driver loses control and the truck goes into the ditch and hits a tree.

Driver: oh shit!!!

Passenger: YOU MF'R!

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