Hi guys,

as you know, I'm single - once again.

In many ways I'm ready to meet new people and date again, but then I recall what it also means: new people who have never heard about ch. And, right now, that ídea scares the hell out of me.

Naturally I love to tell new people all about ch, you know, raise the awareness. But it's bit different when romantic feelings are involved... and it wasn't that long time ago when someone new run to the other direction after the word "pain" was mentioned - I don't want to think what he would have thought if I had told him more.

And it wasn't that long time ago, either, when someone I then loved and cared about showed during the roughest hour of my last cycle how little he cared about my suffering and how little he was willing to do to help - a complitely opposite story to the same person's behaviour on the cycles before.

So... yeah, I'm bit terrified. In the past, I've told them in the beginning about ch, so they can vanish before I'll get hurt. And then, hopefully, the good ones will remain and I will have to take that chance that they, too, will turn their backs on me when I'll need them the most...  It's not a pretty picture.

I'm not in cycle right now, so it's much easier to "forget" that the beast is part of my life some day again. But what comes to love and relationships, I can't ignore it.

But, still, I want to love again. And I will. At this point, I just keep on thinking that there's a good reason why there's been said "In sickness and in health" part in the wedding vows and part of me wonders if that will ever happen...

Sanna

Oh Sanna,  [smiley=hug.gif].  I love you girlfriend!!!

Thank you for the hug, Mel! :)
[smiley=hug.gif]

Sanna

Sanna
I hope you find someone that understands and wish that you find a mate that is equivelant to the one that I love. True love is hard to find.  :-*
all the best
the bb

Perhaps it's the gender perspective but I've found prospective gf's to be more intrigued by the condition than scared of it. Now, once they witness a hit or two I can usually see the sunshine hitting their faces but not so much that they'd leave due to inability to cope.

They're out there--the decent ones who accept you for all that remarkable stuff that makes up Sanna....your job is to find them! And toward that end, I wish you the best of luck and serendipitous fortune.

nots

Sanna,

I've been and am in this same situation.  But here is the way I see things now.

Be it CH, arthritis, chronic reflux disease, or incurable foot fungus... what have you...opening ones self to a potential relationship comes with the risk of the other person running for the hills, either right away, or after a period of time.

There is nothing certain in ANY relationship. ALL relationships come with the rish of them ending either by our own choice or that of the other person.

What we as singles have to decide is this.  

Once we meet a person who appears that the relationship has potential to move forward from friends to something more...is THAT person worth taking the risk of getting hurt?

I've been out of the dating pool for close to 3 years.  But I do know...that if the right man came along, I know I'm ready to take that risk again.

I promise there are those of us out there with the heart and soul to care no matter what the affliction.

I feel blessed everyday that my BF took the risk to tell me about CH. Not only did I get the chance to become that much closer to him, but I also had to opportunity to learn about such a wonderfully strong and caring bunch of people!

We can send you cyber hugs till you find someone!

Best of luck,
Minxy

When you tell them about CH, remember to say it is curable and can be at sometimes untreatable.

Someone here had a relationship. The other party was supportive, and even came to the board to help, until they found out it was incurable and then they ran.

Paul

Sanna sweetie... just be yourself. Everything else will just fall into place as far as the relationships go.
:-*

with warm regards,
Tony

I agree with Tony. Just be who you are, and perhaps wait a bit before pulling the trigger on talking about CH. If they love you for who you are, then when they learn about this condition, they will see it as a small part of who you are, rather than seeing you as a medical condition first, and then filtering everything through that perception. Does that make sense?

On the one hand, it can seem deceptive. On the other, falling in love is a gradual deepening of intimacy, where as you gradually grow closer, you learn things about each other. There's no need to come out right away with the big guns.

My two cents' worth...  [smiley=hug.gif] [smiley=twocents.gif]

Sanna:

Tony is right.  Just be yourself.  Someone has to see past the surface to form a "real" relationship anyway.  If they cannot accept one aspect of you, then they're not the right person anyway.

You are so kind, there has to be someone who's right for you.  Just take your time!

Wishing you the best,

Ray

Hey Sanna. If it wasn't for She-Who-Must-Must-Be-Obeyed, I'd be the first one chasing you around the O2 tank.

Thank you all so much for your great posts! And hugs! Some made me laugh, which is exactly what the doctor ordered. ;D

And I plan to be the one I am, at all times. Right now it's been hard (harder than what I thought) to figure out what role ch plays in my future relationships. It's not a question of to tell or not to tell but when to tell and I'm still not sure about that one. But perhaps this time I'll listen to you and wait before I'll mention anything about ch. :)

Why to rush, after all the beast is in remission, so there's no pressing reason to mention about it. Ch can be quite a lot to take... I am a clusterhead, but not a ch victim. It is part of me, part of my life, but it doesn't define me.  

Sanna

Quote:

I am a clusterhead, but not a ch victim. It is part of me, part of my life, but it doesn't define me.

RIGHT ON!!!!  [smiley=thumb.gif] [smiley=thumb.gif] [smiley=hug.gif]

Sanna,

After my divorce,  when I was asked out ...on the very first date I told them about my CH and that I was chronic.  I explained a little bit about what I go through also.   If a guy is gonna bail, I wanted to know right away so as not to waste my time, or his.  I also wanted to know what kind of a person he was.  Anyone who backs away from a relationship because of CH isn't someone I want in my life in the first place.

I didn't know you and Timo broke up.  I'm so sorry.


Linda

I am sending you a hug also Sanna.......................

I am also in a bit of a similar  situation, separated from my husband of 27 yrs for 2.............................have had Ch for 1 yr, chronic cycle..........but I , on the other hand, do not think I am ready to date................................that is something I need to work on..........I guess.................................but I "think" I am okay right now..............

Everyone's advice was awesome.............esp. Pegg's

You are an amazing woman & do not ever forget that!  You will be fine!  Love could be "just around the corner when you least expect it!

debs [smiley=hug.gif]

That works Frank.

Let him know that dating insures that the beast remains only a part of, rather than center of your life.

Charlie

Not all relationships last forever . We benefit from every risk we take and relationship we have . Some relationships show us what we want ; and some show us what we don't want .  You are a gentle , kind, compassionate woman with a great number of assets to bring to any relationship .......... Don't learn the wrong lesson.. if you don't risk you won't get hurt .... If you don't risk you may never find the joy and love of a mate......... I have a friend that claims she kissed 100 frogs to find her prince . I haven't posted on this board in some time , but wanted to offer my support .... you are a rare find , and someone will be very lucky to find you, CH's or not . Be well , be yourself.    phil h

phil_h wrote on Dec 30^th, 2008 at 8:41pm:

I have a friend that claims she kissed 100 frogs to find her prince .

I kissed 52, LOL

Phil is right Sanna, and very smart. ;)

Sanna,

You are young, beautiful, kind, gentle and have the heart of an angel.  Any young man you choose to date will be a lucky one, indeed.

Try to make it to a meet and greet or a convention sometime.  Maybe you will take a liking to a fellow CH and your problem of having to explain CHs will be one that won't have to be explained.  ;)

This is all kind of ironic because Feb. 2nd you pm'd me concerning dating. I was rereading your advice and one of the things that you said is not to look for a relationship but look for friendship first. Lisa got involved this summer in a really sweet relationship. Like Phil said, some realtionships weren't made to last and they ended it in Oct.. She told him about her CH and had a few shadows. He was very empathetic but in the end they were both too busy to get involved and didn't have alot in common. The CH isn't what ended their relationship. It was a good practice relationship though and helped her develop confidence.

I am so sorry for your breakup but as so many have said you have so much to offer and are one of the sweetest most gentle people.

(((HUGS)))

Charlotte

I can honestly say, from my experiences, that it's hit or miss with dating and CH. Then again, it's always hit or miss with dating.

I've had:
- one who saw my hits, then said because of "all my medical problems" (HAHAHAHA) I should understand his $1,000 a month porn addiction.
- one who was with me when I got hit and agreed to drive us home in my BMW even though he *really* did not want to drive it
- one who got me ice before I realized I was about to get hit
- one who (I'm serious here) walked out of the restaurant after I left the table for the ladies room during a hit - and left me with the tab (HUGE loss there - I'm crushed!  [smiley=bigtiny.gif]

Good luck honey. I know how rough it can be.

Hugs,
Lizzie

Hey Sanna,

I would like to share with you another perspective.

I loved and cared for and supported a clusterhead. I went through hell and back with him. I gave him everything I had and more. Never once did I think of leaving or giving up.

In the end, he gave up on himself and therefore, on us.

No matter what we do, people will make their own choices and there is not a damn thing you can do about it. So just be yourself, enjoy your friends and love with all of your heart, but be at peace that sometimes things go the way you want, and some other times they dont.

Thats life !

Love ya lots  [smiley=hug.gif]

What can I say that hasn't been said here already.  Except, that you have so much to offer and you're such a remarkable person that when the right guy comes along, he'll feel blessed to have you in his arms with or without CH.

Love you Sanna,
Langa

Thank you, Linda. :)

Let's see now, how many frogs guys I need to kiss before finding someone great... ;)

Lizzie, some are unbelivable - and not in a good way!

Cyn, I have added "attend OUCH convetion" to my "Things I Plan to Accomplish" list. And you're absolutely right; having another CHer as a partner would make things easier. Let's just see now what the future holds...

Charlie, that is a good point: I do want to be honest about ch, but still not to make it sound TOO huge thing. Nor too huge chunk of my life.

Charlotte, I was thinking about you and Lisa and the things we wrote about back then. In so many ways I still feel that way. Just that what I went through - that emotional hell - with my ex made me wonder if I did the right choises ch/relationship - wise.
I don't believe in regrets or whatifs, I just wonder now, if I should be as honest as quickly or not.

Thank you all so much for your experiences, advices and wonderful words! :) I probably should copy all of them and re-read them before my next date. It might be quite soon... ;)

Sanna

sandie99 wrote on Jan 1^st, 2009 at 1:06pm:

I probably should copy all of them and re-read them before my next date.

Read them at least twice ;)

Oliver

Quote:

Let's see now, how many frogs guys I need to kiss before finding someone great...

Just make sure you have a lot of fun in the meantime!

The princes always come along when you're not looking - certainly in my case anyway. I won't tell you all the details now, but the man who will be my husband in 8 weeks ( :o is it that close!!) was just 'a bit of fun' for me because I didn't think I wanted or was ready to be in a relationship. That was almost 6 years ago.

You are the most sweet, kind and amazing woman and you deserve someone who treats you like a goddess. That includes being understanding and sympathetic no matter WHAT your problems are (as well as buying you shoes, opening doors and taking you out for dinner!).

He's out there Sanna. Don't you worry... And I'm sure there'd be a few people who'd vet for you if you wanted us to!!  ;)

As Phil Collins once sang 'you can't hurry love'...