Someone once told me over and over that ch wont kill you.  While I believe that it wont kill your body, I question what it does to your soul. What does ch in general and all that imcompesses do to your personality, your relationships and the very fabric of who you are? When do you learn to stop the void? How do you heal the pain and damage caused by not the headaches or even the pain of the headaches, but rather from the ripple effect that affacts all those around you and all things around you.  Your fianances, your faith, your home, your spouse, and children.  To think that any of that is left untouched is to ignore the reality of living with such a diease.  Once you pull you head out of your own blackness and see with open eyes what you have done to your loved ones... what then? It doesn't matter at that point the pain or the fight... or does it? Where is that happy middle ground? How do you find that peace for yourself and for the ones that support you? What do you do when you relieze that your supporter can no longer support you because you have stolen all there is from their soul? Wailing is guilt is not the answer... picking yourself up from the boot straps then picking up your supporter with open arms is.  But, how do you find that strenght when you no longer have a soul?
Tanyana

Wow....you sound like you're in a dark, sad place.  :'( It's about the most intimate question I guess you can ask a CH'er, and for every person you ask, I'm guessing you'll find a different answer. I'm fortunate in that my supporter is stronger in many ways then I am. I know what you mean about the kids, other relatives and friends. It can cast a long shadow if you let it.

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers, don't be afraid to reach out, that's a full plate to try and handle alone. [smiley=hug.gif]

Joe

I will merely quote a very wise man from Kansas:

"Adversity doesn't build character. It reveals it."

Tanyana,

Please check you PM's, hon.

Jeannie wrote on Feb 27^th, 2009 at 11:31am:

Tanyana, Please check you PM's, hon.

What Jeannie said.

Hugs,
Beth

Quote:

But, how do you find that strenght when you no longer have a soul?

  I've been chronic for almost 22 years.  CH has never taken my soul.  Clusterheads are the strongest people I have ever met.  

Linda_Howell wrote on Feb 27^th, 2009 at 2:15pm:

Quote: But, how do you find that strenght when you no longer have a soul?   I've been chronic for almost 22 years.  CH has never taken my soul.  Clusterheads are the strongest people I have ever met.

I got to meet some of the strong clusters and supports that you speak of and only wish I was a strong as they.  Maybe at the end of this current road I will be

:-/I was under the impression that you just met two of them.  

you need to develope your own coping skills and realize your supporter is just that a supporter, not a dependancy source but just support and help.  time to stop living in the pain and take control of it.
i say this with love and compassion and not mean spirited.

wrote on Feb 28^th, 2009 at 7:48pm:

you need to develope your own coping skills and realize your supporter is just that a supporter, not a dependancy source but just support and help.  time to stop living in the pain and take control of it.

A most excellent piece of advice.

The pain and the fear of it will own you if you allow it.

I'm gonna give you a hug but also revving up for a swift kick because many of us need it sometimes.....

I apologize for the "cookie cut" but it I am being a bit selfish since my wrist hurts....


E-Double wrote on Jan 27^th, 2009 at 5:16pm:

So.... I'm pushing 5 yrs chronic clusterhead I have 4 other headache types diagnosed and this past wednesday I develop a new one...yippee Now I get intermittent hammers to my temple throughout the day that last a second then gone. Just an additional TAC. Whoohooooooo! I have a constant party in my brain. Here's the point now that some of you have gone Holy $hit.... I live med free with exception to my girlfriend O2 I am married with a toddler I am a very successful professional. I love my life!!! This is not a pat on the back, as many of us deal with this bitch of a condition successfully. It is to show you that the world doesn't end That in between pain, one NEEDS to live. That as quick as you can you must learn to cope and you will be fine. Read, Learn and BREATHE E 2

Sorry Tanyana.  Is your husband a chronic or episodic sufferer?
I ask because at least episodics do have breaks.  I am in awe of chronics and supporters to be honest.  I am ready with everything I need should the beast pay me a random visit.  

Hang in there, read about 02 (and how to properly use it), get informed above all.  I'm sure you'll get lots of good advice here and I hope the best for you and yours.

Langa

dear Tanyana.....I DO understand the misery....I am a mother of a little boy who suffers everyday and I am also a single mom with VERY little support...he also has  Asperger's  Syndrome, a form of autism..so trying to explain things to him is almost impossible...Our whole lives have changed from a happy little boy to a miserable and scared little boy.....There are days that I am so tired....I work as an RN....and you would think that I should have the strength of 10 men...ha....most people think that being an RN makes you more understanding.....it does to a point....but when the point of exhaustion kicks in...I lose the fight sometimes....I love my children very much...but there are days that I wish I were somewhere else....and that is what always pulls me back from the brink.....I just have to look at how much he suffers and I am reminded that he is the one who wishes he could just be somewhere else....He looks so sad that I could just cry....crying does nothing but make you feel worse....I don't cry much anymore....I do however fight back at doctors who have a more important meetings to go to...and won't listen!!!  I try to find out all new information about it....not much on kids unfortumately....but I wanted to tell you that just because your supporters feel tired and burned out....the simple thanks and hugs they get from you , makes it worthwhile.....keep your chin up.....there will be help someday,  I have to believe that!!!!    ;)

I've felt that too.  For me a fear of sleep due to REM triggerd hits fueled this void in my soul with paranoia and sleep deprivation induced depression, stress and general malaise.  It is a really nasty circle and seems like it has no end.  The magic is during a long enough remission of PF time, you seem to forget.  You never really do, but I think your mind tricks you into needing to be "normal" for a while.  Each subsequent cycle makes those PF times less forgetting of the pain and can eventually ruin them, too.  The key is to find some relief.  Getting some sense of normalcy to your life during and out of cycles.  Being informed helps, and being around people that care and support is a big help too.  Being here and around other clusterheads in person gives you strength, support and courage, so you're in a good place.  

Now it's time to tackle it head on... own it and don't let the motherfu*ker own you!