I am DEBORAH C's Fiance

I would first like to Thank the comopassionate people for their understanding and helping my fiance with this terrible disease.
She has found great comfort in discussing her pain with the cluster headaches. To the kind people Thank you again.

I have tried to be compassionate and usnderstanding myself, but it is difficult if not impossible to image her pain.

To the few people who have doubted her and called her "not being on the up and up" or "a liar" I am appaulled.  How dare you judge something or someone you know nothing about. She came in here in GOOD FAITH just to express herself.

She HAS been cheated out of her child support by the father of her child. He in 15 years has NEVER paid a dime. Working 2 & 3 jobs for her survival, She went to court to get judgement and was denied because he ran a scam with his boss and collected the money HE says he has paid. The story is too long to convey to you in this posting.

So to the people such as Artonio the Ignorant , the "kind?"Potter (I think you should change your handle) and to the advocate ( which no one asked for your help just a friendly ear) you three should really consider leaving the site. People are here for comfort and understanding not Judgement. HOW DARE YOU! If you have nothing nice to say than say then say nothing at all. (I would have thought your mother would have told you that.) By not understanding something/someone and making nasty comments you show your ignorance and your true self. You don't have to fully understand something that in fact is none of your business, to give a person comfort , support, compassion, ect. You are truly sad individuals and have missed the point of this group. She found great comfort and respect from the members here.  Now she feels she has been betrayed by the very same people who share her affliction.

Again to the truly kind people I apologize for this tone .
We all suffer in this affliction and should support LOVE and respect ALL the members feeling at ALL times

Um............

























Nevermind.

I understand that you are upset, but I'll simply suggest that it might be more effective to take issue with individual posters offline.  

I see nothing good that comes from firing a broadside to the community at large.  It's not the community you have an issue with.  

That being said, I'll stand aside and watch this thread devolve into its inevitable death spiral.

Best,

George

I still stand by my original post. Read it very carefully before you accuse me of anything unkind.

quote author=76454358595E58370 link=1237562906/21#21 date=1237744066]
wrote on Mar 22^nd, 2009 at 12:41pm:

What the hell does that mean??? Deb

It means that your stolen child support story is met with much skepticism and unless you can articulate the ins and outs of your dilemma in a manner that makes sense... many people will construe it as a mistruth.

But then this is just an opinion, I may be wrong.

with warm regards,
Tony
[/quote]


Tony

If both of you would calm down and look at the comments again, MAYBE you would see them for what they really are.

Artonio (who is FAR from ignorant, and please quit calling people names ... Didn't YOUR mother teach you that?) was just answering her question, NOT giving his impression of her comments.  She asked what a comment meant, and Artonio just gave his impression of what the poster was saying.  Artonio, if you would care to investigate, happens to be one of the most compassionate and nurturing people on this site.

The advocate was listening and had support for her dilemma.  So much support that she was offering to help her (free of charge, I bet) reach a good conclusion to her problem.  THAT is what compassionate and friendly people do!  She listened and offered her services to help out.  And that was wrong?  Not in my book!  If I had that sort of problem, I would gladly accept any help offered, even if I had not specifically asked for it.

Hopefully the two of you can see that most were just trying to help.

Chuck

Quote:

You don't have to fully understand something that in fact is none of your business, to give a person comfort , support, compassion, ect.

I beg to differ. She made it our business by making it public in the first place.

Damn all, Tony being called ignorant, and not being compassionate in one post. You definetely don't have a grasp of the situation son. Become a little better informed before you go throwing a tantrum like a three year old and calling names.
[smiley=smokin.gif]

Potter wrote on Mar 22^nd, 2009 at 12:14pm:

wrote on Mar 21st, 2009 at 11:20am: I thought that I made it clear that I DO NOT UNDERSTAND, EITHER!!!!! I live in N.Y. Trying to get C.S. here is a joke. (obviousely on me) This "man" uses aliases, different addresses and other peoples ss#'s. I have had investigators, lawyers and even one of those C.S. collection agencies that I got the T.V. I't real easy to hide from your resposibilities if you want to. Here's the BOTTOM LINE. SOMEBODY STOLE MY MONEY. PERIOD. How much they base the amount of which they take, is their formula, not mine. From the NEGATIVE responses, like I DID SOMETHING WRONG !!! Almost makes sorry that I posted anything to begin with. Deb [smiley=angry.gif] lying leads to more lies to cover up previous lies and has a way of coming around and bitin ya in the ass.            Kinder gentler Potter

You have assumed this was directed at DebC.  Is it?  Read the post again.

    Kinder gentler potter

DEBCsfiance wrote on Mar 23^rd, 2009 at 11:26pm:

She HAS been cheated out of her child support by the father of her child. He in 15 years has NEVER paid a dime. Working 2 & 3 jobs for her survival, She went to court to get judgement and was denied because he ran a scam with his boss and collected the money HE says he has paid. The story is too long to convey to you in this posting.

You succinctly detailed exactly what everyone was asking.  
- She lost the court case.
- The employer was involved in the fraud with the ex.

For whatever reason she found it beyond her abilities to key those words.

One could also extrapolate...
- Her case against her ex should have been denied.  Her ex paid.  The boss appears to be the fraudulent party.  She can pursue that on both criminal and civil fronts.
- Her lawyer sucks.  Her attorney should have known all this prior to the court date through interrogatories.  
- Actually, she mentioned that after the fact she was consulting an attorney.  So after 15 years of inaction she decided to represent herself armed with the skills she learned watching Judge Judy.  

With how she went off on some of the more respected folks on the board, I must admit to a bit of schadenfreude this morning.

Good luck with your pending marriage.  She is a winner.  

I don't know Potter.  Is it?

Jimi wrote on Mar 24^th, 2009 at 10:22am:

I don't know Potter.  Is it?

 I would assume it's directed at the guilty party.

                kinder gentler Potter

i was not invovled in any of this but i do have to stand -up for Artonio.
ignorant he is not. he has always been a compassionate man to me.
As for potter, i dont always agree with the way he say's things but     sometimes the truth stings ,but some of the best medicine taste like crap or burns like hell.

DEBCsfiance wrote on Mar 23^rd, 2009 at 11:26pm:

She went to court to get judgement and was denied because he ran a scam with his boss and collected the money HE says he has paid. The story is too long to convey to you in this posting.

This was exactly what I suggested to her but she completely ignored it.



wrote on Mar 20^th, 2009 at 6:04pm:

Sorry to hear you have been given the run around here Deb. But is there a chance that your ex is lying ? If he owes you that much money in child support is there a possibility that he never sent you those cheques in the first place and just made it out as if someone had stolen them ? You said you had not heard from him for several years. I found it unusual that an ex would send that much money in child support without contacting you in some ways. Usually when they send any money for child support, they often demand certain rights like being able to see the children or at least to talk to them. Just wondering. I wish you the best of luck.

I have worked with people struggling with child support issues for many years and not once did I come across a person who faithfully paid for 15 years without demanding some form of contact with the children.

When you ask for help and support here, many people with experience will try to help you solve the problem, not just listening to you venting. To be able to effectively help with any problem, we must first need to understand what it is. All the questions asked in that thread were aimed at better understanding the problem.

If you dont need practical help, and just want to vent, then there is no need to recount the story. You could just said " I am having some major issue with my ex, please send some vibes or please send some hugs ". That way, she would have received the support she was looking for without having to explain herself or the situation in any details.

I hope both of you can take a step back and see that most of us here were genuinely concerned and wanted to help and no one deserved to be called those names by you.

Thank you for reading this and best of luck getting back the money.

Potter wrote on Mar 24^th, 2009 at 10:39am:

Jimi wrote on Mar 24th, 2009 at 10:22am: I don't know Potter.  Is it?  I would assume it's directed at the guilty party.                 kinder gentler Potter

One would say that the person making the post shouldn't have to "assume" anything.  He/she should KNOW who it was directed towards.  Since he/she chooses to play word games, can we all assume he called her a liar and doesn't want to admit it?

As for Artonio, she misread his post for sure.  I think she assumed it was his opinion that she was lying, which is not what he was saying.  ironically, I think Artonios ability to articulate at a higher than average level led the person to think he was saying something he was not and thus calling him ignorant.

To DebC fiance.... I thnk Deb reacted a bit too harshly towards people who mostly were just trying to get some clarity in her situation.  When you ask for support and help, people tend to like to know the entire story.

DEBCsfiance wrote on Mar 23^rd, 2009 at 11:26pm:

You don't have to fully understand something that in fact is none of your business, to give a person comfort , support, compassion, ect. You are truly sad individuals and have missed the point of this group. She found great comfort and respect from the members here.  Now she feels she has been betrayed by the very same people who share her affliction.

When it comes to our shared "affliction", no doubt she'll get 100% unwavering comfort, support and compassion.

But on things that are "none of your business"....well, she put it out there, and can't expect that everyone here will jump on her bandwagon and be a group of child support supporters. We aren't. We're clusterheads and supporters.  Can't get a two-fer out of one support group.

That said,  child support laws suck. If you're right, keep fighting. If you're wrong, let it go.   But really, if you don't want differing opinions on the subject, then keep it your own business and then you won't be stressing about the responses you got.