HI All,

I'm writing this after talking with my wife, over the worst attack I have had to date. She is ready to call it quits. Shes been talking about she feels shes a single mom, since I cannot work, play or do anything. During my cycle I am usually unavailable 18 hours out of the day. My attacks are a night and then when i finally get to sleep its during the day so we have the evening hours. Our business is crashing due to it, and my wife has been doing everything within her power to keep everything moving and above water. In the last 3 months we have lost our employees, put our house on the market, and our income has dropped by almost 80 %.

When I have an attack she just ignores me now, if were in bed she will roll over and feign sleep, if shes awake she will take the kids to the farthest point in the house possible or now that the weather is nicer they will go to the park. Recently I had my first public attack in church, and she dealt with it great I was having major issues, but at home shes non-existence.

Then tonight it came to a head,she mentioned that it would be better if we got a divorce so she would qualify for government help ....... she might as well have stabbed me because it made me realize how much she has been hurting, I need to know how to pull my family through this and restore the relationship my wife and I had, the beast is winning and I don't know how to fight on this front.

Thank you in advance for your help

~James

Hi James,

Hard times my friend,maybe you could get your wife to read some of the posts on this board as she may gain a better understanding of the impact Ch's can have on the 'sufferer' of this infliction.

She may also gain a better understanding of the difficulties we all face in coping with beast and trying to live a normal as life as possible. She could also talk to other supporters on this site and gain greater coping skills, as the beast affects not just us but also our nearest and dearest.

Lefty...!

Hi Lefty,

Good to hear from you again, Yea you can say that again. The beast is ripping and tearing this round but not just me. I have tried to get her to look here but she did a hap hazard read through and said it didn't really apply to her. :-/
I showed her the supporters area and hopefully she will look again. I'm afraid she will get wrapped up the kids, house, business, and money aspects and forgo the exploration, again thats why I have been asking so many questions and for help this time. I'm really afraid I may loss alot this round if I don't fight back on all fronts.

Thanks again,

~James

James,

  This kind of stuff breaks my heart.  For you and for her.  She may be just burnt out and need someone to talk to.  Would she be willing to talk to another supporter?  Get some tips and advice from someone who's been where she is?  

I'll just bet anything...she has no one who understands where she is coming from.  You have us to talk to, but she has to internalize all her feelings and frustrations.

     I have a wonderful supporter on my family services team and she's been around the block with her husband for many years.   Just say the word James.   O.K?

Linda

               

Hi James,

I'm really sorry you all are having such a rough go of it.  Managing CH and still trying to live a normal life is difficult, but it can be done.

I've sent you a PM.  Please get back to me when you can.

Jackie

James, I am a supporter to Guiseppi who you have probably "met" here.  Truly in our earlier years with small children I think I had similar frustrations. I did not fully understand Joe's condition, and at the time his doctor was just treating him with narcotics. I felt that was dangerous, both for his profession, and in terms of his being responsible with our kids.

I would be very happy to chat with your wife, either here or on the phone. It sounds to me as if she could use a friend to vent to, ask questions, or just co=miserate. We spouses/supporters can help.

I hope that you are also talking with fellow sufferers on treatments (e.g. preventatives and abortives). Things you've tried before, done in correctly, may be worth trying again.

Let us know what we can do to help.

Christy

Hi,

Thank you all for you support and offers to help on a personal level, i told my wife about this message and what the response was. She told me she would think about it an make a decision from their, I do not want to push to hard otherwise I may push her completely away.

I will keep everyone updated, heres praying she will accept a helping hand.

~James

Hugs to you brutha!

What do you do to cope with pain, anxiety and depression?
It is not just important to deal with the attacks but to learn how to cope with everything else.

Many people let "it" change them eventually changing for the worse and we inadvertantly drive our loved ones away.

Yes it is on them as well since they commited to us.
It just seems to me that both parties are in need of different coping mechanisms as things are coming to a head.

I as many know your pain.
My wife knows your wife's pain.

I wish you both pain free times and if ever you need to chat give a holla.

E

Thank you all, i have passed on the information.

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you

~James

James,
This is for you AND your wife...the BEAST does NOT win! You just can't let it! Somehow, you and your wife must find a commonality, stand together in this battle you are waging. Clusterheadaches take strength, humor, understanding, communication and a committment to your sufferer/supporter-whichever, that you WILL work together.
James, what are you taking, did I miss that? Are you using 02? Have you tried any of the prescribed meds? I believe your wife mentioned, perhaps a Prednisone taper? How bout Verapamil? Even very strong coffee.or better yet, something like Red Bull with Taurine and caffeine, should help.
I'm nearby, B Monee is Nearby as is Kayarr. We're all good people(if I do say so myself) ....let's get this family working together again.....you just both sound too great to let go of!

Here to help- just tell us how.....

Cathi :D

James, I'm really sorry to hear about your family situation. I have lived with the beast for 28 years now and it's no easy thing.  It took my wife a very long time to understand what I was dealing with. Trust me the beast does really strange things to your life.  I recently failed a drug test and there is no way I'm doing anything like that my employer is definately going to fire me and I don't know if its all the otc stuff, energy drinks for the caffeine or when the beast comes he screws up your bodys matabolism I've been there 26 years and there's nothing I can say or do to prove myself. We all know most illegal drugs are nothing but triggers for the beast. You hang in there my friend.  :'(

How hard... for both of you!  I too think she should check this boar dout and talk to some other fellow supporters and some clusterheads.  Maybe a different perspective will give her some strength and confidence in this matter.  It is difficult though, to be sure, and horrible for you the difference between public and private support, and the dear of worrying about her in a cycle.  I've been there though, and there really are no words to make that better.

Get her here... that may help, and work extra hard on trying to find relief. Have you tried 02 or medicines?  If you were able to hit 02 and kill the pain during an attack that could get you to sleep sooner and correct a lot of the interruption in your life.   Other proper abortive and preventative medications could also be life, and family savers in this case.  

It is time to get in high gear on taking this beast on instead of letting it control your life!