I get the kids to bed and find my husband curled up in bed snoring.  So I close the bedroom door and go out into the living room to read.

About 15 minutes pass and Shaun comes out and says
“So who are you sleeping with?”  [smiley=JAW_DROP.gif]

After I picked up my jaw, I asked him in the nicest terms, “What the F#@& are you talking about?  

So he explains, “Well how can you believe that on our anniversary, Father’s Day and Summer Solstice that I would just go to sleep. So since you did not come to bed, you have to be getting sex from somewhere else.”  

The conversation deteriorated from there.  But at least part of it is that because I put on make-up and curl my hair when I go to work, then it must be for the benefit of someone there.  

I told him that he was welcome to come to my work and tell me who it is that I am screwing because it was obviously not memorable.  Also considering my walls and issues with guys, if anyone even tried to touch me they might come back with a bloody stump.

This all lasted from about 10 pm to 4 am.  And amazingly we did not wake up the kids.  

I think that we are ok now, but there will be more conversations this weekend.
I am pawning the kids off with Grandma over night and Shaun and I will have a date night.

So my question is, Has anyone else’s husbands, wives etc. just lost their minds and ever pulled crap like this.  And if you had any ideas on what I should maybe bring up so that we can work this out completely, and not end up with him being defensive.

Thanks guys…

Tia

Just our rules for fighting, say........

When you say this, I feel this.
When you do this, I feel this.

Not, you're a fu%$ing %$#hole when you do that!

Because the other person can't argue with how you feel. It's gotten us through some nasty disagreements in 30 years of arguing!

13 years is no small ccomplishment. Definitely worth working to save it!

Joe

Guiseppi wrote on Jun 24^th, 2009 at 1:48pm:

13 years is no small ccomplishment. Definitely worth working to save it! Joe

I know that neither one of us want to lose what we have.  It is not always easy, and anyone who thinks that being married not hard work is insane.  I am hoping that I can find out from him where this came from without pointing fingers.

/hugs thanks Joe.
Tia

Tia,

I'm sorry your anniversary ended up this way.  

My husband and I have been married for 17 years.  We have had our share of fights.  Some of them have been legitimate and some have been over things one of us has dreamed up.   Heck,  we've even had fights where I ended up forgetting what the fight started over!  


A friend of mine gave me a book called " The Power of a Praying Wife", by Stormie Omartian.  It really helped me see things from a husband's perspective.  

I hope things get better soon.  Go on a date!

Hugs,

Jeannie

Thanks Jeannie.

I am pretty good at taking a look at things from his side or even the kids side (once I was able to get over the hurt and emotional part).  My sister was a great person to talk to and was able to give me some insight that I can bring up with him.

Tia

What Joe said.

I was stupid one time several years ago when I found an old pair of tennis shoes under my bed that I had forgotten I had (Thanks Verapamil for no memory).  My wife thought I had totally lost my mind (I had), and my kids had to tell me they were my own shoes, and even when and where I had bought them.  I still didn't remember them, but tried them on and they fit, so I started wearing them again.  

The thing is very often we get ideas in our heads because things we think should happen in a particular way, but we don't express to each other, don't happen as we think they should so we try to find a reason outside of our own lack of communication for its failure.  Men in particular are guilty of that, but I have noted my wife often thinks I should read her mind.  

Thirteen years are something to be happy for, but at the same time gives enough time together that it is easy to become complacent around each other and to forget to communicate.

Have a great weekend, and start on the next thirteen years of your first hundred together.  (I promise my wife I would stay with her for 100 years.  After that I become a free man again. :D)

Jerry

(I promise my wife I would stay with her for 100 years.  After that I become a free man again. )

Christy won't give me a multi year contract, she's afraid I'll stop putting forth any effort and become complacent. She only gives me one year contacts that come back up for renewal every 12 months...keeps me on my toes! ;)

But seriously....Jerry's right....with comfort level can come complacency....still keeping you guys in our prayers Tianna.

Joe

THanks guys.

We sat and talked some last night.  Pretty much said that we dont want to end up taking each other for granted.

I am hoping that this weekend is nice.

Bright blessings.
Tia

Jeannie wrote on Jun 24^th, 2009 at 2:19pm:

Tia, I'm sorry your anniversary ended up this way.   My husband and I have been married for 17 years.  We have had our share of fights.  Some of them have been legitimate and some have been over things one of us has dreamed up.   Heck,  we've even had fights where I ended up forgetting what the fight started over!   A friend of mine gave me a book called " The Power of a Praying Wife", by Stormie Omartian.  It really helped me see things from a husband's perspective.   I hope things get better soon.  Go on a date! Hugs, Jeannie

I think Jeannie gave you some great advice here in her last sentence. Go on a date! I recall almost 10 years ago, we'd been married roughly 17 years, and Joe was working the divorce court at work. He saw all these long term marriages coming in for divorce. The common theme was "After the kids left, we found we had nothing in common." Our oldest was a junior in highschool and it startled him.

We were in the same boat, our lives revolved around our kids and we never took the time to have "our own life". I guess we all think if the sex is good (and yes Joe, there IS such a thing as bad sex!) then we must be ok. Truth is, we need to have something that unites us. So we took up a hobby that did not involve the kids, and we committed to it at least once a week. I can be anything really, ours works for us cause it was something I always wanted (ballroom dancing).

It's hard to fight with someone when you're in close body contact frame.