....do people survive raising teenagers?   :-/    Though I have a wonderful one most of the time, I sometimes wonder if we'll make it.   

Jeannie

I promise you will make it.  I raised 3 of 'em - and they are all still alive, doing well, and more than well into adulthood!  Hang in there Mama!

Remember this - grandchildren will be your best revenge! ;-)

Don't even ask me Jeannie. 

I had 7 of them.  I didn't survive.  START PRINTPAGEMultimedia File Viewing and Clickable Links are available for Registered Members only!!  You need to or END PRINTPAGESTART PRINTPAGEMultimedia File Viewing and Clickable Links are available for Registered Members only!!  You need to or END PRINTPAGE

I feel for ya dear. The only advice I can give you is never let them see you sweat.  EVER!  stick to what you know is right and be consistant.

After they've gone to sleep at night a healthy shot of whiskey won't hurt either.  For you....not them.   ;)

and this too shall pass.

The only thing I can add to the sage advice already given is this: Always - ALWAYS - present a united front. Even if you and your spouse are of differing opinions as to how to handle a situation. Work out the differences away from the affected teen-aged moron, but never let them think that you are not of one mind. Otherwise they will exploit it to the point that you will be convinced that you should be saving for law school.

They can be vile, nasty, knarly creatures, but eventually you'll start to see signs that they might actually think you're right, and that you actually cared enough about them to have their best interests at heart.

Jeannie wrote on Feb 10^th, 2010 at 6:10pm:

....do people survive raising teenagers?

Damned if I know....and I raised two of them.   ;)

We had a no rules deal,
  no curfew(don't wake me throwing up)
  I don't help with home work
  Don't lie to me and I 'll go to bat for ya.
  Your grades are yours. I don't care.
  Run fast jump high and shoot the ball.

       Potter

         
    
      

Brew wrote on Feb 10^th, 2010 at 7:31pm:

The only thing I can add to the sage advice already given is this: Always - ALWAYS - present a united front. Even if you and your spouse are of differing opinions as to how to handle a situation. Work out the differences away from the affected teen-aged moron, but never let them think that you are not of one mind. Otherwise they will exploit it to the point that you will be convinced that you should be saving for law school. They can be vile, nasty, knarly creatures, but eventually you'll start to see signs that they might actually think you're right, and that you actually cared enough about them to have their best interests at heart.

Amen!

Joe

Brew wrote on Feb 10^th, 2010 at 7:31pm:

The only thing I can add to the sage advice already given is this: Always - ALWAYS - present a united front. Even if you and your spouse are of differing opinions as to how to handle a situation. Work out the differences away from the affected teen-aged moron, but never let them think that you are not of one mind. Otherwise they will exploit it to the point that you will be convinced that you should be saving for law school. They can be vile, nasty, knarly creatures, but eventually you'll start to see signs that they might actually think you're right, and that you actually cared enough about them to have their best interests at heart.

That, or shoot one. The rest tend to fall in line after that.  START PRINTPAGEMultimedia File Viewing and Clickable Links are available for Registered Members only!!  You need to or END PRINTPAGESTART PRINTPAGEMultimedia File Viewing and Clickable Links are available for Registered Members only!!  You need to or END PRINTPAGE

Racer1_NC wrote on Feb 10^th, 2010 at 8:20pm:

That, or shoot one. The rest tend to fall in line after that.  START PRINTPAGEMultimedia File Viewing and Clickable Links are available for Registered Members only!!  You need to or END PRINTPAGESTART PRINTPAGEMultimedia File Viewing and Clickable Links are available for Registered Members only!!  You need to or END PRINTPAGE

Why didn't I think of that?  Oh yeah, I only have ONE.  Damn. ::)

I read this somewhere.....sounds right to me.. ::)

Smack your child every day.  If you don't know why - he does.

Daayum Bill.  Why didn't I think of that.  [smiley=bloos.gif]  I coulda saved myself and them so many years of grief.

Jeannie, the thing Brew said is also so very true and I should have added that to mine as well.  You and their Dad NEED to be in perfect agreement in front of them.  Argue about stuff out of their sight.. but put up a united front. 

You said you have a wonderful one MOST  of the time.  MAN!  that does my heart good. He/she is going to make it then.    :-*

Mosaicwench wrote on Feb 10^th, 2010 at 8:35pm:

Racer1_NC wrote on Feb 10th, 2010 at 8:20pm: That, or shoot one. The rest tend to fall in line after that.  START PRINTPAGEMultimedia File Viewing and Clickable Links are available for Registered Members only!!  You need to or END PRINTPAGESTART PRINTPAGEMultimedia File Viewing and Clickable Links are available for Registered Members only!!  You need to or END PRINTPAGE Why didn't I think of that?  Oh yeah, I only have ONE.  Damn. ::)

They bring friends in don't they?  ;)

I always found too that a little healthy fear never hurt anyone.  They just never knew what I might do, say, or where I might just show up to check on things.

I like what Potter and Racer have said.  Wish I'd had their wisdom 20 years ago!!! :)

Does anyone besides me wonder how Linda is in such great shape after 7 children? 

Ok...I'm going to my corner now. 

Jeanie, I have two, and at 19 and 17, they have seldom caused me trouble. 

But there have been some moments.......I shudder at the memories ....

Jackie wrote on Feb 10^th, 2010 at 8:38pm:

I read this somewhere.....sounds right to me.. ::) Smack your child every day.  If you don't know why - he does.

ROTFL I love this!

Great advice here.

As long as we're talking about dealing with teenagers, we had a few additional rules:

- B's or better to get driver's license and/or continue driving

- Solo dates at 16, group outings at 15 with a parent driving

- and rules for dating - no more than one year (either way) difference in age.

Oh and our kids school had the "Safe house" agreement we signed every year. Our kids weren't allowed to go to parties at any house that wasn't on the list. Safe house meant parents signed an agreement stating they would not serve alchohol to minors.

Jeannie, I honestly can't give you an answer as no 2 teens are alike, so all I gotta say is to go with your gut as best you can, and try to remember that underneath the unfamiliar exterior is still your sweet, loving child.

I swear to God I see glimpses of mine from time to time!  It's not often, but it gives me hope, lol.

*BIG HUGS*!!

:)

Jeannie, if you figure it out let me know!!  Most of the time I just wanna kill mine and tell God he died!!

Dd

Love them unconditionally, but also have unconditional rules that they will abide.  As others have said, ALWAYS show a united front with their Dad.  Don't give in to their whining, griping, complaining, crying, etc.  They really want to know that you care enough to say "NO" and mean it.  Kids need and really want boundaries.  It gives them an out when someone else is pressuing them to do something they really don't want to do.  I know it made my life a lot easier to say, "My Dad would kill me!" or "My parents won't allow me to do that."  They might gripe about it, but they really want it.

Jerry

Edit to add:  TELL them you love them regularly!  Even when you have to bite your tongue to do it.  They need to hear it as well as see it.

Quote:

I swear to God I see glimpses of mine from time to time!  It's not often, but it gives me hope,

Mel has a very valid point here.  Whenever you see that....pounce on it.  THAT is the time to talk to her/him.  THAT is the time to connect, bond and let them know how much you care.

And remind yourself when they finally do leave, it stings the littlest teeny bit......makes putting up with some of the other stuff a little easier.

Joe

Oh I can sooooooooooooooooo relate to that one Jeannie!  I told my mother this past weekend that if I had been my mother I would have killed me - outright - and no jury in the land would have convicted.

I swear, with boys there's a gradual incremental slow stead progression to adulthood, with girls, someone throws the stupid switch, and you'd have better luck explaining theoretical quantum physics to a 2 year old;  I am assured however, that in a short time, (for some it's months, others maybe years - I was years, long years .....) the stupid switch suddenly flips off and they are amazing human beings all growed up (or nearly so).

I'll hang tough if you will too!

Cat

And always hold the thought that SOMEDAY THEY'LL BE PARENTS AND BE RAISING TEENS  and Paybacks are HELL!!  :-*

catlind wrote on Feb 11^th, 2010 at 2:34am:

I swear, with boys there's a gradual incremental slow stead progression to adulthood, with girls, someone throws the stupid switch, and you'd have better luck explaining theoretical quantum physics to a 2 year old;

LMAO, the stupid switch, I like that!! ;D

Thanks guys... This made me smile.  I knew I could count on all of you!

Joe really is a wonderful kid.  He tells me he loves me, (even in front of his friends) thanks me for every meal I cook and for doing laundry.  He works hard at his job, shows up on time and rarely calls in sick.  He's not the best student and we are working on that. 

Our problem is that when I think I am treating him like an adult, he thinks I treating him like a "little kid."   Then his "attitude" comes out.  I know it will pass. 

Thanks for all of your advice.  And Pegg, I was thinking the same thing about Linda!

Jeannie

Ah . .the "treat me like an adult" rant . . . I get it at least weekly, and mine IS now an adult. 

But "adult" doesn't mean just age.  It's Respect, Responsibility, and doing the Right thing.  I think your Joe is on the right track - at least it sounds like he is.

And mom, acknowledge those things about your relationship with your son that are your problems.  I had a long hard talk with myself about those things; which of my perceptions to let go by the wayside and which to stand up for.  Once some of my personal deadwood was cleared out, things got better.  It IS hard to think of these young men as anything other than 10 years old and in need of our help.

Thanks, Pat.   I have to admit that I probably need to work on myself .... just a little ;)

Pick your battles.

I have 2 teen boys. I find it in my best interest to have as many of their friends over as often as possible. Yes they make a lot of noise, but I know what they are doing and who their friends are. Also, and this is big, they've got to clean!!!!!!!! before anyone arrives, bathroom especially. Then just trust that we've done a good job and hope for the best. I'm told we'll survive.

And then, one day, they floor you buy saying something like, "Mom, we were so lucky to have you and dad as our parents."

Then you know you did your job well. :)

By the way, if you or your husband have one of those Employee Assistance Plans (EAP) at work, I found alot of good info on our website during the teen-raising years.

QnHeartMM wrote on Feb 12^th, 2010 at 10:50am:

And then, one day, they floor you buy saying something like, "Mom, we were so lucky to have you and dad as our parents. Can I borrow $20?"

Fixed it for ya.

Brew wrote on Feb 12^th, 2010 at 10:53am:

QnHeartMM wrote on Feb 12th, 2010 at 10:50am: And then, one day, they floor you buy saying something like, "Mom, we were so lucky to have you and dad as our parents. Can I have $20?" Fixed it for ya.

This is more believable.

         Potter

Potter wrote on Feb 12^th, 2010 at 10:57am:

Brew wrote on Feb 12th, 2010 at 10:53am: QnHeartMM wrote on Feb 12th, 2010 at 10:50am: And then, one day, they floor you buy saying something like, "Mom, we were so lucky to have you and dad as our parents. Can I have $20?" Fixed it for ya. This is more believable.          Potter

You are most certainly correct, sir! What was I thinking?

So what do you do with a couple of teens that don't even want to drive? Not that I'm complaining mind you, just be nice not to be chauffer all the time.

NancyB wrote on Feb 12^th, 2010 at 11:08am:

So what do you do with a couple of teens that don't even want to drive? Not that I'm complaining mind you, just be nice not to be chauffer all the time.

Just say no.  Sometimes that is the right answer.

I had a few that got licenses late (18).  The only ride they got from me was to work and back.  The rest was up to them.

-Dennis-

Brew wrote on Feb 12^th, 2010 at 11:01am:

Potter wrote on Feb 12th, 2010 at 10:57am: Brew wrote on Feb 12th, 2010 at 10:53am: QnHeartMM wrote on Feb 12th, 2010 at 10:50am: And then, one day, they floor you buy saying something like, "Mom, we were so lucky to have you and dad as our parents. Can I have $20?" Fixed it for ya. This is more believable.          Potter You are most certainly correct, sir! What was I thinking?

Joe, are you letting her watch the Hallmark channel again?

-Dennis-

Jeannie wrote on Feb 11^th, 2010 at 9:17am:

Our problem is that when I think I am treating him like an adult, he thinks I treating him like a "little kid."   Then his "attitude" comes out.  I know it will pass.

Jeannie, there is some really good advice in this thread.  But I'm sure you know all this already.  Raising teens is tough.  It's supposed to be.  Don't doubt yourself.  If it don't feel right, it ain't right.

But I'm here to tell ya that they do eventually love you for more than clean clothes, food and gas money again.  For right now though, they're not supposed to.  It's just how it works.

Stick to your guns hun.

-Dennis-

What Dennis just said is very correct. They're not supposed to.
  When my kids told me they hated me...I didn't blink an eye.  Instead I said "then I am doing my work as a parent."   

Things are better today....for the moment.  Weekends are hard when they are grounded.  Sometimes I wonder who I'm punishing.... me or him!

I always tell people I got my scruffy knees from praying so much when I was raising Crystal - mainly I think for strength that I wouldn't kill her.  She's 19 now and things are much better.  Unfortunately, I had to release her so she could make her mistakes.  Crystal is as stubborn as they come and has to learn on her own.   She's staying away from drugs, losers and is attending college - what else can I ask for.

Great advice by the way Brew.

Langa