My daughter....can produce the most noxious gas known to man....

OMG what does it take to neutralize this acrid stench?

No amount of Gas X is doing anything...we'll be fumigated soon......

Handful of fresh parsely, three times daily.

Parsley is great for breath and minor gastric upset, but this is record breaking fumes Bud.

From Birth this girl has had gas that can kill houseplants and maim small animals. 

What I wouldn't give to gas Bin-Laden with that.... Tee Hee.

Don

Olive oil, I don't know the dosage, but try a tablespoon twice a day.

Paul

Has she tried Beano? 

Beano is for changes in quantity, not quality........

I have a brother like that. That boy can clear a biker bar in 11 seconds flat, then the paint peels and the glasses get etched. And you think I'm kidding.  Multiple trips to doctors resulted in "you are what you eat" comments.  One suggested that a charcoal canister could be modified to trap.....never mind the details.

Grin and bear it.

Marc wrote on Apr 1^st, 2010 at 11:21pm:

Beano is for changes in quantity, not quality........

Oh.  Didn't know that!  I just take it when I eat bell peppers, califlower or dehydrated peas.  Then I don't have gas problems!

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my shit zu  would give her a run for the money ;D

Always a long while between mention of your smart and pretty missy's various natural talents coming through, some likely undiscovered yet while others revealed an early distinction being competively wicked.


:)

But, can she perform the ever elusive "Hogback Growler?"

O.K. This thread has just GOT  to be a first for ch.com   ;D

Don't pull her finger anymore,  end of problem.

              Potter

In the south, women don't pass gas.

Jimi wrote on Apr 2^nd, 2010 at 10:52am:

In the south, women don't pass gas.

They make a fluffy.

OMG so funny! Well not really. More like sick! Poor thing, no sneaking one for relief anywhere huh?

I don't know nuthin 'bout Hog growlers, but I DO think it's unfair, Marc, to blame it on your brother! You know that old saw .....he who smelt it....
NOW,I DO know, when Gil slaps his thigh I run for the hills!

Especially on sushi nights...........
ya mean to say, Linder, this is the first time I have warned you??? 

This subject blows. literally!

Cathi

Hmmm...soo sorry, Redd, and in inclement weather when it's impossible to open windows, too........

OMG!  Now I'm rolling on the floor!!
So, it's a new joke.... maybe on only Clusterville, and the Flatulence Society would appreciate.........and I'm still working on it, but here's my thought.........

Two guys walk into a biker bar.........one with an M-tank of 02, the other a canister of charcoal strapped to his backside.........

Ok... anyone?? Anyone???

:DCathi

I had a small fan going in the living room, and Dyl had stated his sinuses were too stuffed up to smell it.  So what does the girl do? 

Each time she felt another one brewing, she went to the love seat, hung her back side in front of the fan and timed it for when the fan would blow right where Dyl was sitting.

Little sisters are "supposed" to do that right?   :-/

It's possible that the problem will go away when the kid turns eighteen.

             Potter

Lactose intolerance? 

My oldest and yougest from the time they were small children could clear rooms.  My son was proud of the fact that he had his clasmates (5th grade) running out the door and to the open windows for fresh air.  The youngest looked so adorable and innocent that I was not believed when I informed a friend that the noxious smell actuall did come from her (she was in kindergarten).  They both think they are hilarious still!  NOT!!

Removal of and or very limited dairy solved the problem. 

midwestbeth wrote on Apr 2^nd, 2010 at 2:54pm:

Lactose intolerance?

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This thread is going to go for 4 pages.  Isn't it?    ::)

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Charlie

Linda_Howell wrote on Apr 2^nd, 2010 at 5:29pm:

This thread is going to go for 4 pages.  Isn't it?    ::)

Farts are funny.

       Potter

My pome...

A fart is a natural explosion
That comes from out of your bum
Down the valley of the trouser leg
And out with a musical hum

*takes a bow*


DO NOT LET HER EAT LICORICE.

Well - not unless she's going to her dads for the weekend..  [smiley=evil.gif]

Jimi wrote on Apr 2^nd, 2010 at 10:52am:

In the south, women don't pass gas.

I don't know bout Southern women Jimi, but my ex was a born and bred Texan....and on numerous occasions I've seen her shift her weight, lift a cheek, and break wind like a full grown man and then say, "oops, I pooted"....lmao!!

DD

Show her a text of this thread.....should make her stop farting and hate you more at the same time. :)

Oh she loves me....

She was in Florida last week with the Music Department, and she warned all her room mates about her little "gas issue".  She's well aware. 

Ah yes, "weapons of a$$ destruction."

Don

Quote:

She's well aware.

of what?   that you have now posted this to 100's of perfect strangers ?     ;D


Quote:

hate you more at the same time

  Oh I hope not.  Teens have a hard enough time loving us for the good things we do.   ;D

OMG...I just added one more post to making this thread to 2 pages.   I need to be flogged. >:(

Linda everyone's having a "Gas"
It's just a "Passing" thread.
It'll stop when all the posters get "Winded."
I'm getting "Pooped" already.
;D ;D ;D ;D

I kill me I really do

You kill me, I know that. ::)

For Linda..

Laugh and the world laughs with you - fart and they all stop.

A Ballerina goes to the Doctor,
"Doc I am having terrible trouble with the most awful wind, every time I pirouette I fart" she cries.
"Hmmm," says the Doctor, "I'd like to see that if possible"
The ballerina get up, pirouettes and Phrrrt... Farts loudly.
"Thats amazing, do it again,"
Again the pirouette is accompanied by a loud fart
"Hmmm," says the Doctor "I think I may be able to help" he bends down and picks up a long pole with a curious barbed hook on the end.
The ballerina starts back in alarm, "What the ~&%$*? are you going to do with that?" she asks,
"Opening the window, it stinks in here for Gods sake!"

A nervous young man, keen to impress, is visiting his future in laws for the very first time.
After a huge Sunday Lunch they are all relaxing in the lounge when the young man lets off a real ripsnorter. The father gets up and shouts at the dog, "Get out Rex, get out!"
"Phew," thinks the young man, "They thought it was the dog,"
Next time he doesn't even try to hold it in and again the father shouts at the dog, "Rex, Out, Out,"
The third time the young man had grown in confidence and releases a huge rumbling air biscuit at which the father jumps up and shouts,
"Get out Rex, quick before he s***ts all over you"

What happened to the blind skunk?
He fell in love with a fart.

What do you call "fart" in German?
Farfrompoopin!




and finally.. my favourite..

Why don't little girls fart?
'cos they don't have a$$holes 'til they're married  8-)

Actually this might explain it all

WHAT KIND OF FARTER ARE YOU?

Pick the day you were born on (i.e. 5th, 6th etc.) to see what kind of farter you are...



1-AMBITIOUS FARTER
Always ready to fart.

2-LAZY FARTER
Just fizzles

3-AMIABLE FARTER
Likes to smell others

4-SELFISH FARTER
Only enjoys smelling his own farts.

5-CARELESS FARTER
Farts in church, restaurants, and department stores without even an iota of shame.

6-SMART ALEC FARTER
Farts when girls are in the room.

7-CLEVER FARTER
Farts and coughs at same time.

8-SCIENTIFIC FARTER
Keeps his or her farts in jars with the dates on them.

9-STINGY FARTER
Belches instead of farting to save his butthole.

10-FOOLISH FARTER
Farts and laughs, while others cry.

11-SHY FARTER
Can only fart on a deserted Island.

12-CONCEITED FARTER
Thinks he can fart the loudest.

13- FARTER
Tries to fart and soils his underwear.

14- TIMID FARTER
Is emotionally shaken by the sound of farts.

15-BEWILDERED FARTER
Unable to distinguish between their farts and others.

16-SLOVENLY FARTER
Farts refuse to leave underwear, it's nice and damp in there and they can stick around.

17-NERVOUS FARTER
Farts very tight squeaky half farts, keeps the rest for the privacy of his or her own home.

18-MISERABLE FARTER
Can't fart unless he or she is in the privacy of their own home..

19-CONFUSED FARTER
Has such bad breath he or she can't tell where the smell is coming from.

20-GROUCHY FARTER
Swears at his or her farts.

21-SNEAKY FARTER
Farts, cups the noxious cloud tightly between his or her cheeks, then waits for someone else to get up or make a move to lift cheek.

22-DISAPPOINTED FARTER
Their farts don't stink.

23-FRESH GUY FARTER
Turns around in front of you and farts.

24-BIG BULLY FARTER
Farts louder, longer, and smellier than everyone elses.

25-VAIN FARTER
Deeply moved by the smell of farts.

26-CLAIRVOYANT FARTER
Can tell what others have eaten from their farts.

27-WISE FARTER
Farts and say's "Who dropped their guts?"

28-DAMNED MEAN FARTER
Farts in bed and pulls the covers over wife's head (aka the Dutch oven)

29-MUSICAL FARTER
Tenor or bass
Clear as a bell
Smells like shit
Sounds like a tuba

30-HONEST FARTER
Farts and blames in on others or the dog.

31-LIVELY FARTER
Jumps up in air, toots three times, kicks simultaneously

Sometimes.....when you crry....no one sees your tears....

Sometimes......when you are worried.......no one sees your pain.....

Sometimes......when you are happy......no one sees your smile.....

But Fart just one time.....

LMAO!  I feel your pain Sis...Must be a teenage thing...Even Peanut runs for cover when Crystal decides to bless us with one of her farts.

Langa

Okay... Here's one from Morgan:

Beans, beans, the musical fruit
The more you eat, the more you toot
The more you toot, the better you feel
So eat your beans with every meal!