My (SUNCT) cycle has just passed into month 20 for me, for the most part when my pain level is at a 1 or 2 or so it is tolerable and I can carry on somewhat of a normal life but the past couple months I have not seen to many 1 or 2’s. The past week I have averaged at probably a 5 or 6 and that is 24 hours a day with no break and it is really getting to me right now. For those of us that believe in god I think we believe he has a plan for us but what part this kind of pain plays into it I will never know, or why we are made to suffer as we do.
I am sitting here at my desk with my head in my hands for the second day in a row wondering how I am going to get through the day and knowing I have no choice but to get through the day, I have taken too much time off due to this and do not want to put my job at risk. Am I lucky I work at a place that understands what I am going through and is sympathetic? Hell yes I am but everyone has their limits to what they are willing to deal with and I do not want to find out what the limit of my employer is. I also worry about my girlfriend and how much she can cope with, I know she loves me but what will happen if I start doing the hermit thing because I am out of coping skills? I am not there yet but getting close. Suicide is not an option but I also know we all have our breaking points and I am afraid I may find mine if this continues and does not go into remission and give me the break I so desperately need right now, it is a very dark place and one I dipped into and looked at but did not act on y last two year cycle and it scared the hell out of me to even think about it but that is what these headaches do to us. I think I am just having a rough patch right now this is like the eighth day with no break in the pain and it does this sometimes, just hope it mellows out and gives me a break so I can reset and get a grip again. I an sure glad I have you guys to bitch to about this crap, I tend to hide most of this from my girlfriend and yes I know I shouldn’t but I cannot help it. I just don’t want her freaking out or worrying to much about me. At times I think it would be far easier if she was not around and I would not have to worry about her and how she would react to really knowing how I am feeling but I also know that she is the main reason I am happy at all right now and that is not something I want to lose. Yes I am confused, my brain no longer feels like it is working normally and is damaged from all the pain.
Sorry guys just needed to vent to someone who understands what I am going through, just wish my family and friends did, they try but I always get the “are those still bothering you?” like I wouldn’t tell them they were gone if they stopped. Wish I could just pretend they were gone to.
:-/

Matt,

I'm sorry for the rough patch you find yourself in now.  I wish I had an easy answer for you, as I wish I had it for all of us, but there just isn't one.  This will pass.  You've been here before, and you know it will end, but it seems as if it never will.  You will make it.  You have a girlfriend who cares about you and is supporting you.  I know you don't want to put her through all of the tough stuff,  but she is still there for you.  Be grateful for that.  Many here have had ones they thought loved them pull up stakes and leave because it wasn't convenient.  Hold on to that support and nourish it.  Share with her your need for extra help right now.  You don't have to involve her fully in it, but make sure she knows what you DO need.

You posed a good question, and frankly it is one that I think all of us have asked.  Quote "For those of us that believe in god I think we believe he has a plan for us but what part this kind of pain plays into it I will never know, or why we are made to suffer as we do." End quote.  I don't have a quick and easy answer to this either, but if anything CH has caused my faith to grow, not diminish.  First of all, I don't believe God "causes" all the pain.  I believe He allows it.  It is a result of the curse that fell on the earth after Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden.  God told them that in the day they ate the forbidden fruit "dying they would die", a process, not an immediate death.  I believe that is the root cause of all suffering within mankind.  I don't believe CH or SUNCT or any other disease (other than those with a causitive behavior) is punishment for anything specific we have done, but rather on mankind as a whole.

I'm just glad God also gave us hope for a reprieve.  This is not the place for a sermon ;), but just ask and I'll be happy to provide one, and I won't even pass the collection plate.

PM me if you would like to talk and I'll give you my number.  For sure we'll be putting you higher on our prayer list.

Jerry

[smiley=hug.gif]  Hang in there Matt, no answers for your here either, just a little hope.

Joe

BigMatt wrote on Aug 4^th, 2010 at 11:49am:

Sorry guys just needed to vent to someone who understands what I am going through, just wish my family and friends did, they try but I always get the “are those still bothering you?” like I wouldn’t tell them they were gone if they stopped. Wish I could just pretend they were gone to. :-/

Matt I am ssssoooo sorry to see you so down...
And don't you dare apologize... you have nothing to be sorry for..

I will do the only thing that I (and the rest of the  family) can do for you and that is continue to Pray....

The one thing about this family Matt is: when we say I know how you feel, we really mean it.

I will continue to hold you up in Prayer... and will most diffidently place your name on the Prayer list at Bible Study tonight.. [smiley=hug.gif] [smiley=hug.gif] [smiley=hug.gif]

Peace & Blessings
LadyLuv

Quote:

I tend to hide most of this from my girlfriend and yes I know I shouldn’t but I cannot help it. I just don’t want her freaking out or worrying to much about me. At times I think it would be far easier if she was not around and I would not have to worry about her and how she would react to really knowing how I am feeling

From what you have told us of your wonderful girlfriend,  I think you aren't giving her enough credit Matt.  If you think she isn't already sensing how you feel, you're wrong and that can be more stressful than anything you could share with her. 

Sorry for you Matt but your girlfriend sounds great.

The thing about pain is that I understand the reason for it but it would have been nice if we had a little volume control.

Charlie

Hang in there brother. Prayers your way.

Don

Charlie wrote on Aug 4^th, 2010 at 8:43pm:

Sorry for you Matt but your girlfriend sounds great. The thing about pain is that I understand the reason for it but it would have been nice if we had a little volume control. Charlie

Well said Charlie! :)

Jerry

Hey Matt,

I'm really sorry to hear you are having such a bad time still.  I wish there was something we could do to alleviate your pain!!!  I just had a look up to see what SUNCT was and it sounds harsh.  I am keeping you in my thoughts and pray that you get some relief soon.

Kate      

All we have for you too, Matt.  Hang on tight.

Matt - that sure sounds like you're having a tough time, but hang in there. I too had to Google what SUNCT was and it sounds pretty harsh. I just wish I had a magic volume control for the pain we go through.

And I'd be tempted to share more with your girlfriend too. Experiences like this can show just how wonderful our supporters can be.

Please, hang in there, friend...
:'(

Well I got a small break yesterday, seems the beast know my breaking point and likes to push me to it just not past it, thank god for small favors I guess. But once again woke this morning with a bad headache, I just want to get on with my life. Nancy was very supportive last night as she always is, she actually said something about marriage for the first time. Lol She said when she was getting a message a couple months ago that I treated her to for our one year anniversary the gal giving it to her told her that she thought I was going to propose to her when she said I had treated her to the message and was taking her out for a nice dinner, well she was wrong. Lol
I am impressed that it took her this long to even bring up the subject, she is a smart woman for sure. Lol
I told her that people her have told me to marry her when I talk about her, we both giggled about it but that was as far as it went. It’s not that I don’t think about it, I do but my problem is I do not know if it is something I want to do right now, I have only been divorced for just over two years now and not sure how I feel about marriage again, I also do not want to make this kind of decision while in cycle, really need to have my head on straight before I decide to ask Nancy to marry me, my brain is not running on all cylinders when I am in this much pain and I want to be sure I ask for the right reasons and I want her to be sure I do as well but it will probably happen just not right now is all.

matt im not pushing religion on you but have you been praying? im not a bible beater and i dont have religious bumper stickers on my van but praying seems to help me when i am troubled.

Like I said before I have tried just about everything and yes praying is one of the things I do try and never turn down someone who says they pray for me. :)

I'm happy you got a small break Matt.

   
Quote:

really need to have my head on straight before I decide to ask Nancy to marry me, my brain is not running on all cylinders when I am in this much pain and I want to be sure I ask for the right reasons and I want her to be sure I do as well but it will probably happen just not right now is all.

If this lady is as great as you say she is and she certainly sounds like it...This above should be all you have to say to her. 

Then let her know how much you love and respect her.  A single rose is a nice touch too.   ;)

Praying things get easier for you soon Matt.

Your girlfriend sounds pretty awesome and she sounds like a keeper even if you aren't ready for the big M again yet.  Can't blame you there  :D

You are right though I wouldn't make any huge decisions while you are in a CH fog not a good time for critical thinking.  I'm pretty much always in a CH fog and have very few clear days anymore, it doesn't help with the job even if they are understanding.  CH or no CH if you make a booboo at work it's still a booboo at work!  ;)