just coming down from my 0230 hit and it once again i sit alone with my dog and o2/trex and energy drink. ttook a walk out on the cold night air with what snow we have left. i have a supporter (fiance')(someone actually wants to be with me and the monster imagine my surprise) but didn't want to wake her.  I am tired of fighting this beast by myself but yet do nothing to change it. i want help but never ask for it. i always say no i am okay just let me do battle, she feels pretty helpless she tells me, i sarcasticly say join the club.
p.s. i apologize profusely afterwords  :-[. no point to this just rambling i guess

You are surely not alone in your responses--but that doesn't change anything, does it?

Your P.S. and the ending quotation is the real issue. Perhaps it would be worth it to work on these feelings before you can hope to get ahold of of the Clusters.

START PRINTPAGEMultimedia File Viewing and Clickable Links are available for Registered Members only!!  You need to or END PRINTPAGE

very nicely put Bob. i printed the link you provided.
thank you!!!!!

We all hit the down point you're in now, it just sucks. I'd suggest you read the other post Bob just put up, the CH manifesto. As close to a "living life with CH instruction book" as I've ever seen! Hang in there. [smiley=hug.gif]

Joe

Well glad to hear that you're well armed with the abortives and fighting back fiercely at least.

I believe I saw in one of your other posts that you are in a chronic state and the preventative meds aren't working all that great?

If you haven't seen mention of it yet, there is a rapidly growing number of CH'ers (including a very high percentage of chronics for whom meds have stopped working) who have found the natural busting treatment to be an effective preventative. Kind of like God throwing a brick that reads "YOOHOO I've grown something here right at your feet that will help you - why ya still pumping yourself in vain full of toxic man made pharmaceutical preventatives?"

This Newsweek article on the subject of busting for CH makes a good introduction I think if you haven't seen it yet: START PRINTPAGEMultimedia File Viewing and Clickable Links are available for Registered Members only!!  You need to or END PRINTPAGE

I used to keep as lot of my feelings away from my fiance, who really is my biggest support. It wasn't until recently that I actually showed him my diary and although he never realised how bad I felt (I don't complain a lot, only to myself!!) it is so much better.

I think the posts and links which people have suggested to you are invaluable. This forum and its community really helped me when my cycle began in late 2009.

PFDAN x

I here you Monster Ive felt like you for over  cant remember to long hope you get some relief.

Mark

chronic over 12 or so years I take no meds.

yes i am chronic and normaly fight a good fight, i have top notch demand valve for my o2 of which i scream loud of its effectivness but usually need 1/2 dose trex etc etc.
i guess it was just late and i was tired. i have tried shrooms from a reliable source once or twice but i live in idaho where it is illegal not that , that would stop  me and they worked really well, but no resource to continue.
I am doing better mentally and my fiance' is trained well so to speak.
by people on this board plus we will get her signed up on the board so she has an outlet here.
overall i activly listened to all the good links and will try to put some in place.  so thanks for letting whine a little, my chin is up again till the next battle.   ;D

You were not whining!  Whining is when you continue in a self-centered woe is me fashion without looking for the effect on others.  You were venting valid emotions and thoughts that needed release.  That is why we are here!  We understand and can empathize with you without pitying you.  Whining looks for pity.  Venting looks for support.  You got it, and now you are able to pick your chin back up and go on living.  Come here and vent when needed.  We'll apply the boot where needed as needed if you start to whine.

Definitely get your fiance' on board here!  If she will come and participate she will be able to support you better and not feel so helpless, and at the same time will not get in your way as you deal with the beast.  Give her a big hug from us for being there for you and for staying around!  To many leave. :(

Jerry

I had someone that waffled between sympathy and helplessness and irritation.  Your partner gets frustrated that they can do nothing to help.  You get frustrated because you want help and you know there is nothing anyone can do for you.  All i needed was for her to put her hand on mine and say nothing.  Just let me know you are there and will be and i am not fighting this fight alone.  Many times (up to and including yesterday - so i still fight this fight) i climb up on the ole pity pot and ask why me - well, why not me?  Who the hell am I?  This is who i am, like it or not - and it will be question #1 when i get through the gate upstairs - but until then i just gotta accept this is how i was made - like it or not.
It's hard not to apologize for an attack when it affects your loved ones - and there is nothing wrong with you telling them that you see how they feel when you are in pain.

ok then - now THAT was rambling....