Ok, this is going to be a bit personal but I know you guys won't pass any judgement...

It seems that every time I go into a cycle I loose a girlfriend.  This time however it's a wife.  The past three cycles I've had (2004, 2006, and now)  chased the women right out of my life. 

Funny how the girl I dated in 2004 (who is now sick and on disability) has been calling and trying to get back together with me.  I suppose now that she needs love and support from someone, she is beginning to realize how good I was to her.  Of course that's not going to happen.

Well, what goes around comes around I guess.  Sooner or later the right one will come around and she's going to be a hell of a catch.  'Cause quite frankly I've been pretty damn good to people my whole life.

Sorry to hear ... but not surprising that loved ones also suffer in a CH household.

My wife of over 30 years has seen me at my worst and watching someone you love in pain with no real way to help can be a challenge/frustration/maddening...my ch started whe I got married so I blame them on her j/k

I am married to a saint ....they are out there...best of luck with future relationships and may you find an understanding and compassionate partner.

Paul

MITYRARE wrote on Sep 1^st, 2011 at 12:11pm:

...my ch started whe I got married so I blame them on her j/k

Lol, mine actually went away when I met her.  She left almost 2 months ago to take a job in CO.  I hear that the lack of stress sometimes brings on an attack, that must be my case ;)

Glad to "see" you again Jake!
Sorry beast is back and that one left ( unless your not then I'll congratulate you)

Joanna has been through the ringer with me.
I think like in any relationship such stressers don't necessarily build character but show character. So if having clusters contributed then you have you're answer

I hope you're well otherwise

E

When you find one that will stick around hang on to them!! they are the good ones!!! Been there done that :-? It took a long time but I have a great one NOW !! :)

My wifes sister has asked her more than once how she can stay with me and my CH? Helen says someday she is going to ask her if she will leave her husband if he gets CH?? Hope she reads this.

I don't know where to start with my supporter...with me 31 years, married 29 years...in about 8 more days! ;) She pushed me to get the original diagnosis, found the original streaming CH board for me, keeps my 02 tanks stocked, the meds cabinet full....yeah...they're out there. Wishing you luck in finding one, they're worth their weight in gold.

Joe

Skyhawk5 wrote on Sep 3^rd, 2011 at 12:19am:

My wifes sister has asked her more than once how she can stay with me and my CH? Helen says someday she is going to ask her if she will leave her husband if he gets CH?? Hope she reads this.

Sounds like a real assclown.

Sorry your havin a bad time with all that...Luckily my wife and I were dating when she first saw the beast, but she married us anyway ;D...Good luck to you in dealing with them both

Quote:

My wifes sister has asked her more than once how she can stay with me and my CH?

Don, apparently your wifes sister not only doesn't know Helen very well, but also doesn't have her sense of loyalty, and good character either.   

I was very surprised this past weekend.  Three days after asking for a divorce she showed up at my house (1500 miles away).  I suppose she did not expect me to agree with her. 

I'm not sure if this is the reason or not, but ever since she and I have been together I have been cluster free and I think it's partly because she actually gives a really good massage.  When I'm having shadows she pinches just a wee little bit of my skin just below my neck right below my shoulders really hard.  So hard in fact that it looks like a blood blister almost.  After a day or two it looks like a bruise.  But she pinches all around and wherever it turns purple right away (and where it hurts me the most) is where she focuses.  Since I'm a 'lefty', i.e. clusters in my left eye, all the pain from her pinching seems to be just to the left of my spine and all around the outer edge of my shoulder blade.

She said that she came back to Pgh. to help me with my headaches but really she wanted to work things out.  And she did pinch the hell out of me all weekend, lol.  I'm hesitant to say things are going to work out but I am extremely thankful for the visit.  Has anyone else had any luck with pinching?

Nancy and I have been together now a little over 2.5 years and I had just started my cycle when we met and am still in it today so she has never known me except in pain. I keep wondering how much she can take but she keeps telling me she is in this for the long hall and loves me anyway, no accounting for taste but even if she is a bit nuts to put up with me I love her all the more. Finding a good one may be hard but they are out there and if they really do love you they will help you through it, I do feel guilty at times for getting in to a relationship when I knew I was in cycle but now simply do not know what I would do without her or if I would even be here. She keeps me strong and in the dark times she is my lifeline and gives me a reason to fight back.

I don't know about losing your girlfriend cause, I don't have one currently.  I do feel like I'm losing my friends though.  I've been issolated in my house now for almost 3 months, I'm scared to venture out anywhere cause I don't want to get a attack outside of my comfort zone.  I def. don't want anyone to see me either especially my friends.  I hate to admit this but sometimes the pain is just so much I cry, and I'm rocking back and forth, or i'll get really cold but i'm sweaty and sometimes I get sick and throw up, but thats pretty rare.  Anyways I can feel all my friends slowly slipping away they call less and less and less.  Except for my one buddy hes always looking up info on CH's and trying to help me out.  Its very frustrating because honestly most people just really dont understand CH's and the kind of pain that us people are going through unless they can see it first hand, they wont believe you when you tell them how bad it is.  They just think "oh man this kid needs to suck it up its just a stupid headache," its not!!! :'(

I hate to admit this but sometimes the pain is just so much I cry, and I'm rocking back and forth, or i'll get really cold but i'm sweaty

I HATE for people to see me getting a hit. Its humiliating to me to have someone see me at my lowest point. You're not alone there.

As to hiding inside........I won't allow the beast that much power over me. With my prevent, Lithium, my abortives, oxygen and the occasional imitrex jab, I managed a 31 year career in law enforcement. Live your life between the hits. Educate yourself to help you manage your CH, but NEVER allow the beast to run your life.

Joe

By far one of the most important things I have done for myself is get a good therapist.  Even if it's just so that I have someone to bitch at that's not my wife.  We are being traumatized by this illness.  Individual therapy, couples therapy, I recommend it all.  None of us are strong enough to be taken down by this beast over and over and not have it affect our lives, but I think we can recognize it and deal with it in ways that can minimize the ruin of good relationships.

There's only a handful of people that have ever seen me get a hit. I don't like for anyone to see me get a hit either. When I'm getting hit hard and often, I too stay isolated until the beast calms down and I can get it under control (somewhat). I have lost girlfriends over it. More than once. I lived with one GF for over 2 years and she NEVER saw me have a hit. (I'd say to her "here it comes" and I'd grab my meds and head upstairs or to the basement and she NEVER came to check on me no matter how long I was gone). When we did break up, she told me she was sick of my "Stupid Headaches". She also said my neuro was "A Quack" for asking me to try Topomax and said he was going to cause me to have siezures. She thought she was smarter than doctors and neurologists. Glad I lost her now. It turned out to be a good thing !

But, I'm back to being single again. I am kind of seeing a girl now, but it's not been serious yet. She's on disability and knows about pain. She is always asking me about my clusters and always seems genuinely concerned. She just might be the one to keep  ;)   She seems to be good as gold ... I guess time will tell.

Anyone who will not stick by you during your hard times, especially during times when  you are dealing with so much pain, was not worth having anyway.
One of my ex-girlfriends took my times in cycle as the oppurtunity to cheat on me(twice). Iguess she just decided that I could not concentrate on anything else so it would be easy for her. Should've kicked her to the curb after the first time. Others have run away early on as they did not understand or didnot want to.
Fortunately, Ihave been with my wife for 8 years and she is the only one who has ever understood and tried to gain the knowledge she needs to help me through tough times. She did not run away. Stuck around and said we will beat this together. Best wishes. PFDANs

Pfunk 8-)

Ricardo wrote on Sep 18^th, 2011 at 11:38am:

By far one of the most important things I have done for myself is get a good therapist.  Even if it's just so that I have someone to bitch at that's not my wife.  We are being traumatized by this illness.  Individual therapy, couples therapy, I recommend it all.  None of us are strong enough to be taken down by this beast over and over and not have it affect our lives, but I think we can recognize it and deal with it in ways that can minimize the ruin of good relationships.

2 OUCH conventions ago we had a therapist that did a group session with about 25 of us sufferers and our significant others. He has a theory that anyone who suffers from a malady like CH, suffers from PTSD. Was a very enlightening session. Given how often severe depression is discussed on the boards, therapy isn't a bad idea.

Joe

Ricardo wrote on Sep 18^th, 2011 at 11:38am:

None of us are strong enough to be taken down by this beast over and over and not have it affect our lives, but I think we can recognize it and deal with it in ways that can minimize the ruin of good relationships.

Like almost everyone here, I never wanted anyone to see me get a hit. But CHs have a way of "outing" us, and some family members, my wife of 40 years included, did. In a way it was a relief, but it did raise the question of how our supporters could support us during an attack. This is another topic but my wife and I did agree on how she could make sure I was running through my list of effective abortives. I needed to find a way to help her feel less helpless, and in doing so, also discovered it helped me to cope during an attack.

No, we can't go it alone...at least most of us can't. This site is also therapeutic for me and I suspect for many others also. It's why I hang around. Having been received here so well, I want to make sure others have the same opportunity. As do all ya'll. Blessings. lance

Speaking as  a 24 yr. chronic, here is what I have asked my husband to do. 

Start the coffee pot.
bring it to me with an ice cube in it so I can gulp it down fast.
make sure all my 02 tanks are full and ready to go.
If we are out in public and I get hit...make excuses, steer me to a safe place and get me home.

Leave me alone til it's over.




If a supporter cannot do these simple tasks and still love you, want to be with you, be ready for the bad times as well as the good....

than that person is not worth your time, your space or your love. He/she is worthless and is only there for what they can GET.  Kick them to the curb and don't look back.  There are far too many loving/giving/sensitive people out there waiting for what you have to offer.  You are NOT your headaches.  You are so much more than that.  When you forget that....you are doomed to a life of takers.