The super-important cake that wouldn't rise?  Doing lobster flambe' and lighting up the curtains, or simply serving  your famous pork spare-ribs to the rabbi.

I once had six very large, very alive and angry crabs escape from the fridge and remain thankful that no-one had a camera.

To this day I can't look lasagna in the face, but that's another story.

Anyone else?

I can honestly say no, nothing that crazy.  The worst that ever happened was I over baked cookies so they burnt.  No fire, no huge mess, just burnt cookies. :-/

Hmmmm....to snitch off the queen???? Crazy school day morning....girls about 10 and 12, doing their best to make poor mommy late. Mommy thinks, I'll hard boil some eggs, eat those on the way to work, savefive minutes. Morning crazies continue, she finally gets the kids loaded and they're off!!!

The eggs. Fortunately myneighbor heard the smoke alarms going off, saw smoke pouring out of the kitchen windows and called the fire department. They were able to force a garage door open and turn off the stove containing the eggs, now permanently fused to the pan! Good news, no flames. Bad news, a house filed with smoke damage and the rich aroma of burnt egg!!!!!

Joe >:(

One fine summer day I was cooking supper on the stove, and happened to see a spider running across the floor.  I screamed, which caught my daughters attention very quickly.  She saw the spider, and she screamed (and I do mean screamed).  We both ran out of the house with supper still on the flame.  I knocked on several neighbors doors before finally finding some kid finally answered a door.  When I asked if he would come kill the spider, he looked totally shocked and said "How big IS it?"  He came, he killed, supper was ruined - the neighbors think I'm crazy (and just maybe I am).

Now....imagine my stories involving a dead bird being consumed by my dog, and me versus mole.  If something strange is going on, I bet the neighbors know it is me.

Dont ever forget the macaroni boiling on the stove...that is the stinkiest most foul smell ever. In our house when the smoke alarm goes off, supper is done...lol Oh and watch the lid on the ol food processor it has a range of better than 50 ft. :D
tachead

My mom used to cook with a pressure cooker.  Those things were deadly,  and spewed food on the ceiling were normal in our house.

I personally have only burnt a few things on the stove when not paying attention to the timer.

I have to tattle on my wife.  Her mom was a great cook, but never let the girls in the kitchen, so my darling has always been somewhat challenged with making a meal (though many years of effort have improved things immensely).

Anyway - a long time ago while young and still single, she decided to cook a Turkey dinner for her and some buddies.  She stuffed it, set the oven and even figured out how to get the timer to work.  Then they all decided to go sking for half a day and come back and eat the bird.  After sking, and getting all the other fixings done they pulled the bird out.  Aroma filled the air and it was a beautiful golden brown as she put it on the platter.  Then the first slice........into raw turky breast!

Seems my college educated life mate did not realize the Turkey had to be thawed prior to cooking.  Traumitized the poor girl so bad that she hasn't cooked a Turkey since - that's my job these many years later.

Linda, you just brought back some memories with that "pressure cooker".. gosh I remember the "blow offs".. To this day, I'm still "terrified" of those things..

And yep, the turkey has to thaw.. You don't forget that but ONCE..  ;)

One year I had the turkey out "thawing" and came home and the turkey was GONE.. Looked all over the house and it weren't nowhere to be found. Finally Idiot Son came home and I asked him if he'd seen the turkey.. "Oh yeah, I took it over to the new neighbor's... didn't know if they'd have one and thought it would be nice.. they've got four kids..." The ham wasn't bad... ::)




:-*

Here ya go.....

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Always a pleasure,
RJ

There is nothing in this world as horrible as homemade scorched ice cream. Except maybe serving said ice cream to a house full of guests on New Years Eve, and having people run over each other to get to the bathroom.
Did I mention that I have come close to burning water. Culinary skills are not my strong point.  :D

I fried bacon in the nude.

Once.

Once whilst in the middle of a dinner for some family I popped into the kitchen to get something only to notice that there was smoke all around the ceiling, extending down for a foot or so. Clearly there was something on fire, however I couldn't spot anything burning. But as I'm very much the kitchen helper, I summoned the expert, my supporter to investigate (she is a gourmet cook).

We couldn't find any food burning, so we started looking for a fire. Soon all the guests were joining us hunting a fire, one even climbing into a roof space. After a few minutes with more smoke and no luck in finding the fire we called the fire brigade who arrived in a few minutes (along with a few neighbours wondering what we were up to). They too couldn't spot anything, although they did rescue the guest who got stuck in the roof space.

Then one fireman had the idea of taking the oven out, which located the fire in the wooden shelf under the oven. It was soon put out with a jug of water.

Luckily desert had finished cooking by then, so we were able to finish dinner, although the firemen declined the offer of joining us for it and some beers / wine.

So whilst it wasn't a disaster, it could have been.

Brew wrote on Sep 17^th, 2012 at 11:29pm:

I fried bacon in the nude. Once.

Yep, and you only do that ONCE! :-*

How do you know it's only ONCE, Babs? 

C'mon, we want details!