hi all, Tuck here, 42 years old, cluster head since i was 18. properly diagnosed at age 21.  i have been reading this site for a few days now, i finally decided to join up. this may sound strange, and i am not sure i no how to put it in words, but, i felt sort of, like if i didnt register, maybe this cycle would end, and therefore, i wouldnt fit in. well,,, it hasnt ended, and everything my wife and i have read on here could have been written by either me OR her. the first night we found it , we sat here reading and crying. My wife Lisa has saved my life NUMEROUS TIMES, as i have been an avid firearms collector all my life, and many times, as i am sure most of you have, i was ready to use one. i KNOW that the spouses of us clusterheads will surely be blessed in heaven!!!!!!!!!!!!!! we have been married 19 years and have two sons, ages 12 and 14.(both sport nuts, as was dad) i have been episodic for 23 years,(the beast is here now) by the way, i thought i invented the term "the beast" back in 1986. i guess that shows how much we all think alike. i make a good living working in one of the nations largest refineries,( i know , i know, i dont get a gas discount either!!!!!!!!!) and have always had good insurance, so i have seen some of the best docs in the land. like most of you, its daily verapamil, and o2. about the o2, i tried it back in 89 but,, you guessed it, my doc gave me the nose tubes and a dinky regulator. i gave up and didnt try again untill 2005. IT WAS A MIRACLE! ! ! ! high dose, non rebreather,,, it was heaven sent. when i think of the life that i missed,,,, oh well. anyway, this intro is already longer than i planned, but, to be honest, i am still having second thoughts about being here. when i am not in a cycle, the LAST thng i want to do is think about it. so i am afraid i wont be here when i am PF. and that makes me feel guilty,(that good old catholic upbringing, we catholics perfected "guilt") .Well, one last thing, like most of you, i spent years bouncing from doc to doc, in and out of E.R"S, and catalogging EVERYTHING i ate drank and smoked for years. like most of us,,,,,, nothing. BUT,,, and this is a big BUT,(no pun intended), there is one common denominator i discovered.,,,,, pistachios.  MY favorite snack in the world. anyone else notice that or am i just grasping at straws after 20 some years????  well, i hope i get to meet alot of you folks, you sure seem like GREAT people.     God bless, and may you be PF,,TUCK

Hi, Tuck, Glad you found this site. I just found it a few days ago myself. I have't been to a doctor yet, but because of this site, I have handfuls of stuff to take with me when I do go. I understand your guilt thing(Catholic born and raised )about being here, but mine stems from the fact that  I don't suffer with this as much as most seem to. I am in my second year of twice a year episodes, and mine have never gotten over a kip 8 (and only a few of those). but the shadows wear me down and the fear of an attack is always in the back of my mind. Your wife sounds like such a wonderful person, may God bless her and you both.
there are so many wonderful people here, and it does bring a bit of comfort to know they are here and will send you lots of love and best wishes for a pf time. Cathy

tuck wrote on Jun 7^th, 2008 at 9:58pm:

so i am afraid i wont be here when i am PF.

Sure, Come take and run away....what about folks that show up and need info that you have?

Your gone, you got your take and ran away.....A$$hole!

Before you run away, why dont you hit the "Paypal" button at the bottom of your screen and donate to this site, at least you will be able to say "You did something for someone else", instead of just sucking up what we offer for FREE!

Hey Tuck welcome and rotten to hear you are in pain.
I guess it's human nature to try to symbolize phenomena we do not fully understand, hence we name and personalize our CH. Not until I found this site I was aware of the fact we all call it whether the Beast, Demon or Devil. Thought it was just my overactive imagination that gave it a name and a face (though shadowy). Now I know better.
Good to see you have a supporter, bless her. Where would we be without them?
Don't be a stranger!

hey jonny,  i didnt write that i would NOT be here when PF, i said i was AFRAID i wouldnt. ignoring anyone here is not my intention at all. i simply thought the best way to present myself as a newbie here would be with TOTAL honesty. as far as any info i have, all are welcome, but,, i dont think i have much to give that isnt already hear. but i will gladly share what i DO have. and ,,, to have my first response to my FIRST EVER post be someone who refers to me as an a$$hole, well, maybe i was right, maybe this isnt the place for me. i have dealt with this for over twenty years (not very well i might add) and was hoping this could be a place where my wife could vent more than me. but, jonny would probably refer to her as a wh@#*re or something. what a dick!!!!! the longer i write the madder i get at this guy. i dont remember "asking" for anything in my first post. its five in the morning now,,, i havent slept for three days, i have to go to work (12 hour shift) in ten minutes, maybe i am reading his response wrong, maybe i am just not thinking clearly, God knows it happens when i am in the clutches, but , Jonny, i hate the fact that my first day here, we are off to a bad start. i am sorry if my response made others mad, that was not my intention at all. gotta go, what a crappy way to start another crappy day.       Tuck

Jonny, that was a bit strong.  Give a newbie a break.  He did say "afraid" after all.

Tuck,

Thanks for being honest and welcome to the nut house.  I'm glad you checked in.  

I also remember having similar fears when I joined (one year ago today).  Would I forget this place when the pain was gone?  How could I possibly find a place among these angels of mercy and providers of knowledge?

What I've found in the year since is that helping people find their way by sharing what I've learned is highly addictive.  There is nothing quite like watching someone make that transition from living in abject fear to living between the hits.  Members sharing what they know and supporting one another makes that possible.  How can you not want to be a part of that.

-Dennis-

Tuck, sorry you had to find us but you are not alone with this anymore. I am out of cycle right now myself but could not imagine waking up each day and not checking in to see how my family is doing.

I was helped so much with my last cycle by the wonderful and caring people here, from printing off what I needed for the o2 set-up to the amount of preventative to ask for (I take Verapamil for a preventative).

I have helped a couple of people on the board using what worked for me and when they got the proper o2 set-up and to hear it worked for them, well there is no feeling like it.

I am here every day, in or out of cycle, and will always continue to be a friend, a shoulder to lean on or whatever someone needs I am there for them, no matter what.

My wife Angie is my best friend and supporter and if Lisa would like someone to talk to about anything tell her to PM Angie anytime.

Take care and stick around, strength in numbers and together we fight.

  Barry :)

Hey tuck, that even sounds like a refinier name lol. but really when i found this site i was in my cycle as well, the tips i recived helped me to quickly end the cycle and for that i will always be here to help someone eles, those of us who are not in cycle are expected to help those who are, thats the way this works. Ive been a cluster head for about 20years and i thought i was alone as well, this is our meds, and now it is yours as well. Set this board as a favorite and when you check your email (about 2 minutes) then check the board (5 minutes) sound in on a topic you may know about, thats it!! You may have already help someone and you dont even know it. "pistachios" you said this may be a trigger for you, well it may be for others as well, so let me be the 1st to say THANKS FOR THE TRIGGER TRIP. See your already part of the family if jonny jumped on ya, but read his posts and you will see he has so much to offer people with clusters. Im looking for your name tuck, i wanna see you help someone!! Feel better soon Coach Bill.

tuck wrote on Jun 8^th, 2008 at 6:33am:

hey jonny,  what a dick!!!!! the longer i write the madder i get at this guy.

Getting mad is a good thing ;)

Now, stick around or I will make you even more mad!  :-*

Hey welcome to the board, our stories are amazingly similar. 48 year old Catholic boy, 2 girls, now grown, wracked with guilt especially when I have nothing to feel guilty about.  ;) I'm also a lot like you in that when I first found this board, I'd only stay on the board while I was on cycle. For years, I was convinced thinking about CH while I was off cycle, would start another cycle. My family wasn't allowed to speak of it, I didn't even thnk about it for fear of bringing on a cycle.

Well knowledge has changed a lot of my thinking, when it comes to CH, Knowledge is our power. All of us sharing our stories is what makes this place strong. Looking forward to getting to know you. Hoping your cycle eases up on you a bit.

Guiseppi

G'day Tuck, and welcome to the nut-hut.  

Know just how you feel about avoiding the place while out of cycle.  I mean, while free of the beast, who'd want to put up with a bunch of loonies like us?

To the same extent, I've found at different times I couldn't bring myself to log in during a cycle, and for exactly the same reasons.

There's a wealth of information here, mate, and you're welcome to every atom of it but I've gotta ask ya  -  ever had a really bad day and said something you didn't really mean?

Perhaps that's what happened to someone else in a couple of the posts above.

Cheers, beers and only better days ahead,

Brian down under.

"living between the hits".....It could be that NOT coming to this site when you are not in cycle is exactly that.  Though i believe in helping people in a place where I have been helped, I'm not going to hell if I haven't been here in a few months.  The key is that this is a family whether you have been here a day or for 10 years, we are all the same.  A family relationship is give and take.  If there is someone on here I haven't seen or heard from in a long time, I just hope they are living life the way we all want to live.

Hi Tuck,

sorry to hear your in cycle but you've found the place for help. I always say that you can't talk sensibly to non CH sufferers. To them a headache is a headache and if you try to explain then 'a friend in need is a pain in the ass!!'

Everybody here understands and will be quick to offer help. Sometimes we can all go off on a tangent and pick up on something the wrong way but don't  be put off - my wife finds it a great help in putting up with me!!

I found Melatonin worked for me on my last cycle and it has stopped my current cycle. Important to note that it doesn't work for everybody but Todd Rozen reckons it can help in almost 50% of cases and should be tried first as a preventative.

Anyway I hope you find your route to PF days.

regards,

Melvyn :)

Hey Tuck. When you responded to my post I didnt realize you were a newbie to this site too. Whyd it take us so long to find it?!!! Thank God you have such a supportive wife! Im divorced now, (not because of CH), but when I was married my wife was the only person in the world that understood at all, and it was a huge help. Give yours a big hug for me, and thank her for her patience. God bless, Ted L.