Nearing the end of 2006, The Beast howled into a brutal attack.  

If Kip was still walking with us, I’m sure he would have considered amending the Kip Scale or understood, at least, my colorful version in my foreign language.  It was an electric storm that required Greek mythical warriors to survive its force.  Unfortunately it is not like you place an ad in the local newspaper and they, the godly warriors, fall over their feet to stand in your stead facing The Demon.  These mythical type creatures, although we do whish that they would come back and exist in our realm, are as scarce as chicken teeth.  

Armed with the spirit of nature, the seed of her womb and the support of the Pink Floyd virtual cavalry, I fought like a demon while The Beast rumbled through my Mozambican jungle.
The Beast knocked me down ten-love and I thought I could not get back up but my virtual cavalry kept on bugging me to get the bloody hell up and not to be such a girl’s blouse.
So … I turned to crime.

Now here I want you to understand that this can happen to the best of us in desperate times because all-in-all I am not just another brick in the wall.  
So, without going into too much detail that can be incriminating evidence in a court of some laws, a certain hospital, in a certain country, misplaced an enormous white cylinder that I became very attached to by a thin pipe and a wonderful mask, donated by a CH Buddy that likes his curry.

But… the more ammo I brought into the mix, the more relentless The Beast grew and I felt like I couldn’t fight anymore, I felt tired, drained, bruised and at the end of my tether… until I remembered that all-in-all, I’m not just another brick in a wall and that crime can still pay.

To be continued….

The black market business prospers in third world countries, a blessing for me in disguise and I didn’t even have to wear a hood in the hood.
I sang songs with John Lennon and the Beatles about yellow submarines and traveled to distant shores on colorful wings but The Beast didn’t want to give up its hold.

It was a lonely time, in a haze of anguish and a grinding of teeth but my virtual cavalry never left my side.  

Here I want to intercede with some good advice from experience:
Whatever route of medication you follow or try be sure to get enough information and make sure you have your support group involved.
If you ever decide to go this path, don’t do this alone, you’ll actually need a physical person there to help you through.

One very dark night, while the moon was full and the cloying humid air left you feeling like a Dali clock, I gave up the fight.
With a bottle of vodka and my last strips of black market booty, my life ended…


To be continued….

Never do I want to go through those gates of hell again but through that fire, I came back purged, scarred and in a terrible mental state.
By the way those who know me will testify that my mental state was always terribly… mental.

Something in the wiring of my nervous system changed and it took me months to recover from my death.

Thus far I have not had one CH attack… the eye of the storm?  But I have hope that The Beast died with me that night.

Everyone, as we all know, experience therapies and medications different.  I am not advocating a certain treatment.  All to their own in this fight.

This is my story, this is my new life.

Cheers
Jazz ;)

Welcome back, and welcome home Jasmyn!  

Jen

Welcome back, Jasmyn.

Maybe someday I'll understand what this means.

Yeah me too Brew.

 Uh... I really hope your're O.K.?  Jaz.

Maybe someday you will be able  to explain.   :-/

Some of our journeys are strange, Jasmyn, but yours sounds to be one of the strangest I know.   ;)

But all roads lead home.  Welcome home.

Best,

George

Jasmyn wrote on Sep 12^th, 2008 at 9:47pm:

By the way those who know me will testify that my mental state was always terribly… mental. (  ;) ) Thus far I have not had one CH attack… the eye of the storm?  But I have hope that The Beast died with me that night. Cheers Jazz ;)

Jazz, Welcome back
I hope the beast stays gone for a long time.

Linda_Howell wrote on Sep 12^th, 2008 at 11:53pm:

Yeah me too Brew.  Uh... I really hope your're O.K.?  Jaz. Maybe someday you will be able  to explain.   :-/

Me2

Did not understand a word about what you are trying to tell us dear.
When you are feeling better please try explain.
Really good to see you home and alive again.
Bente and me have been thinking a lot about you and was wondering what in hell did happen after Milwaukee


Svenn

Jazz.....
Sorry for your journey into the depths of hell....Bless your heart for having the strength of body and soul to reclaim your being.

Welcome back brave Jazz.

Much Love,
Jackie

I am so happy to see you back, Jazzy! I've missed you and been worried, as have the rest of the PinkFloyd calvary.

I think I understand. You had a long and difficult battle busting the cycle, and may have experienced what your death would be like. Since then, you've been cluster free. Which, BTW, is AWESOME news!!!!

Am I right? I'm mental, too.   ;)

Welcome back, lovie.   :-*

hugs, nani... with more hugs from Bob, Jobo and mooshie

Jazz and beer.  Such is the stuff from which dreams are made.

No need to knock, old mate.

Jazz, I'm glad you're back. Welcome home. I hear ya. I hope the beast is gone for good.

What a long strange trip it's been....

Welcome home Jazz!

Ray

Not going to assume I understand, cause I don't, but glad you are back and posting.

love,
mel

BTW, I have yet to experience another cycle myself.  Going on 3 yrs PF now.  Dunno what's up, but 3 yrs ago I developed the anxiety/panic disorder.  WTF?  Also picked up smoking again to only quit...again...as of Friday night, Sept. 12.

:o :oJazz,
      I surely feel connected to your drama which you kept secreted away from the eye's of those who are quick to judge you! Not much unlike the journey I took some years ago with the guidence of a Neurologist that was all too happy to resupply any drug arsenal and reap his reward.
       Stepping out of that darkness takes courage and determination on your part, and of course the cooperation of the Beast to a degree.
        Its sad that you had to endure this journey alone, while so many of us here would have traveled along with you in your misery.
        Welcome back, as you can see, the old addage applies to this situation too!  "TIME WAITS FOR NO ONE" I am surely glad to see your posts again!          Single John

Jazz, my roomie!

Thank you God for letting me hear from Jazz.  Thank you for keeping her safe and bringing her back to her CH family.

I'm so sorry to hear about your desperation in battling the beast.  But, Jazz, I'm thrilled that you are winning, no matter the cost, in whatever method you needed to choose.  

I understand the depths that you had to dive in to, and I cheer that you are swimming back to the top.

I've missed you and worried about you terribly.  

Sandy

Quote:

picked up smoking again to only quit...again...as of Friday night, Sept. 12.

Hope ya made it through the weekend, Mel! :) One more beast conquered :).

Jasmyn,

It's great to have you back. :)
I do hope that you're here to stay and that the beast left your life for good. :)

Sanna

you don't me Jazz but after reading your threads i feel like i know you.
i really did feel compassion for you as i have been there in that storm and in many ways still in it.
pf days ahead for you

Welcome home, Jazz!

Hiya Jazz 8-)

I understand.  I reckon you're well through the eye and in calm waters.  I do hope so.

-Lee

Hola Jazz, whatever you are in the other corner, the feelings here are the same. I feel for you, I understand and I also thanks Pinkfloyd-Clusterbusters virtual cavalrys for their help.
Take care
Saludos
Poli