This may sound a little selfish, but I need to teach my husband how to support me during a cycle.

I am 5 1/2 months pregnant and can't take most of what usually works to abort attacks and make shorten the cycle. I suddenly started getting hit about a week ago - not the usual time of year for me.

My husband is a great guy - laid back and loving. However, when I am in cycle, he becomes angry, moody, critical and distant. He will take me to the ER but is furious about it. He gets mad that I am too tired to do all the housework. He gets mad that I wake him up getting out of bed in the middle of the night - even though I go downstairs and fight through it all alone so he doesn't have to witness it. He makes comments about how expensive the meds are and how they are toxic for my system, there must be an effective natural remedy out there. Tells me I am creating the pain - it is all just an illusion and I can rise above it. This makes me feel judged and resentful.

The morning after, he asks how I am but doesn't really want to hear the answer - doesn't even listen to it. Instead, he tells me how tired HE is. I am on the way out the door to work and he is still in bed - showing no signs of getting up anytime soon. This makes me angry - but I don't say anything - don't see how it will help.

I need his support now more than I ever have before and I am just not getting it. I know he is afraid for me and feels helpless. But he won't even go online and learn more about CH, much less come here and check out the forums. I don't really know why - he doesn't either. We have talked about the anger and distance being a result of his feeling of helplessness. I get it, but it is not working and something needs to change.  How do I help him to support me in the way I need him to? Suggestoins will be appreciated.

Hi Kushka and Welcome, I wish it were under better circumstances that we meet.

Please see the following link and print it out, stuff it under your hubby's nose and tell him if necessary that you will not speak to him until he reads it.

START PRINTPAGEMultimedia File Viewing and Clickable Links are available for Registered Members only!!  You need to or END PRINTPAGE

It is hard enough to deal with CH, let alone having to deal with others in our own families that do not or will not understand.  My heart goes out to you.

I'm sure your hubby is a good guy as you say, but right now you both need to talk about this and he needs to understand that your condition is very real. Have him read the letter linked above and come here to learn more about CH and how he can be a better supporter for you.

Hang in there! [smiley=hug.gif]
PF Wishes to you!

P.S. Remember CH affects everyone in our family not just us.  I hope things get better soon for you, if you need a shoulder please pm me anytime.

Oh Kushka!!!
My heart goes out to you!!!

I am also 5 1/2 months pregnant ( :)) and I was going batty a few months ago after starting a cycle and being to afraid to take any of the usual meds in fear of harming the baby.  Good news is that there are meds that are fairly safe.  O2 (of course), prednisone, verapamil, lamictal are all fairly OK (particularly after the 1st trimester).  What I'm saying is that there are options for treatment besides just going insane from pain and lack of sleep.  Thought I'd let you know...

As for your husband, I'm feeling like he has some significant underlying emotional issues.  If he's usually a great guy and flips a switch when you have an episode, he could be dealing (however inappropriately) with his own feeling of impotence and helplessness to 'solve' your problem. 
Some people feel like their identity is of the provider, problem-solver, 'fixer', if you will.  If he can't fix the problem, his very self identity is threatened and he reverts to this little child attitude - 'Hey, I'm tired too.  I've had headaches too.  Wah.  Wah.'   
And, god bless, if he can't get together enough self awareness of his own behavior now, it'll just get worse when the kiddo gets here...  He needs to spend some time with his own emotions - is there someone that you can talk to as a couple or by himself?  i.e. pastor, community counselor, etc?  It would likely be really good for him...

Hang in there and let us know how you're doing!!!!

Thank you for the responses.

I am currently on prednisone. I was on a 2-week taper to minimize headaches but we did not feel we needed Verapamil because it is not the usual time of year for me to get hit and I was not having CH at the time - just nasty migraines. The day after I went down to 1 tablet a day, the cycle started - suddenly and fiercly at 2am. Been to the ER twice for O2 this week. Neuro just happens to be on vacation and we live in a very rural area where medical support of any kind is difficult to come by. His partner was willing to put me back on prednisone but will not prescribe me Verapamil or any abortive as he is not familiar with my case and is worried about meds interfering with pregnancy. ER docs don't want to conflict with Neuro, so it for now, it is either the dance or the ER for O2 (which involves a long drive and even longer wait). I have been profoundly grateful for the O2, let me tell you! The other day I was on the verge of begging them to admit me until the Neuro returns so I could have O2 access when I need it.

Been back on prednisone for a few days - it is taking me from Kip 10 to 8-9 during attacks and they are hitting less frequently and are not lasting as long. But they are still going. i am so tired. Getting cranky and losing my strength when they hit - there are moments when the beast gets the upper hand. I pray to God my Neuro is back in on Monday.

As for my husband, I downloaded some information and will ask him to read it tonight. We have an 8 year old and my husband has always done a great job of taking over the parenting duties when I am uable to do so. I know he will continue to be a great dad when I am in cycle, I just need him to also be a great support for me. I know he wants to be - just doesn't know how and he gets scared and freaked out. I can tell he is trying to do things differently since we talked about it, he just doesn't know what to do or how to act. His own needs become more important - because he can control those. I just am not in the space to be as compassionate about it all as I usally would be - I'm sure you can understand!

Congratulations on your pregancy - I am glad to find someone in the same boat as me - I feel pretty alone in this most of the time.

Thanks for the support. I will be grateful for other suggestions or recommendations for meds that will not put the baby at risk.

Carlyn

Wow you really would do so much better if you could get the o2 at home. If it's helping you after a long drive to the hospital, imagine how it would help at home. You need to DEMAND a prescription from either your doctor or the ER doctor. Their withholding it is cruel punishment.

Others here use welders o2 which is same thing, just not as controlled. Check out what others have posted on the subject.

Finally got O2 at home and am on Verapamil again -I am feeling much better the past few days - fewer attacks, less extreme and shorter in duration. 

The only downside is that my insurance refused to cover the O2, so I have to pay for it myself. They would rather me run up huge ER bills than be able to take care of myself at home. Irritating to pay monthly premiums and not get coverage for the things you need!

I just don't understand some of the decisions of insurances.  As you say, is going to the ER better for them?

Can you talk to your ins and see if your doc completes a 'medical necessity' form will the o2 be covered? 
Sometimes if the doc can get involved, the ins will relent...

Lettuce makes a great point. Too often the default mode for insurance is deny. Your doc fills out a quickie "necessity" form and they pay. Sure worth a shot. So glad you got the home 02, a life changer for me for sure.

Joe