Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates. 'In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.' The Englishman fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. 'It's a candle', he said. 'You may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Peter said.

The Scotsman reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, 'They're bells.' Saint Peter said 'You may pass through the pearly gates'.

The Irishman started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties. St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just what do those symbolize?' Then Paddy replied, 'These are Carols.'

And So The Christmas Season Begins......

Hi Joe,
The penny just dropped. ;D

Hoppy.

(Lions is a club of volunteers who do good works for others and Christmas cakes is part of their fund-raising.  Bundy rum is a dangerous Queensland beverage.)



                         The Tragic Pudding

Christmas round the corner and it’s time to make the pud,
So it’s down to the supermarket and back via the pub.
Laden down with all the goodies, nuts and raisins, dates and prunes,
Treacle, eggs, and flour and brandy, Bundy rum to make it good.

Wash your hands and take a clean bowl.  Open rum, just to be sure
That the quality’s OK, then double check and have one more.
Beat the butter, whip the eggs, crush the pecans, thrash the cat,
Re-check quality of Bundy, to be sure, to be sure.

Praise the raisins, dunkle currants.
Glaze the self-raising, bludgeon the ants.
Sixpences, threepences, get their come uppances,
Days gone by they bought rum, not just essences.

Tin the pan with line-foil and put it in to bake,
Pull it out and add ingredients, have a rum and only wake
When the fire-engine calls to say the damn thing should be boiled!
So it’s back down the pub for a Lions’ Christmas cake.

And it’s while I’m at me purchase, my mate perches, knows I’m low.
Buys himself and me a Bundy and hears me tale of woe.
Says, ‘Mate, stick with the Lions’ cakes, bestest Christmas treat it makes,
‘And don’t be scungy, just add Bundy’, then I knows it’s time to go.

AussieBrian wrote on Dec 21^st, 2013 at 12:09am:

Bundy rum is a dangerous Queensland beverage.

Huge understatement there! It's world famous in Australia and over the ditch here in New Zealand too.

Hmm, might get some for over Xmas as it's always popular...