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Parenting a teenager (Read 10334 times)
Melissa
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Don't give up!


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Parenting a teenager
May 27th, 2008 at 10:24am
 
SUCKS!!!!!

I want my vision of my sweet little girl to remain unchanged forever.  

I know, I know, quite ignorant of me. Roll Eyes

lol

Dammit! Angry Tongue

*sigh*

Ree!  Help!  Grin
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« Last Edit: May 27th, 2008 at 10:25am by Melissa »  

Diseases can be our spiritual flat tires - disruptions in our lives that seem to be disasters at the time but end by redirecting our lives in a meaningful way.  ~Bernie S. Siegel
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Brew
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Re: Parenting a teenager
Reply #1 - May 27th, 2008 at 10:32am
 
They can be vile creatures, no?

You were one once. So was I. We have one living under our roof right now.

All I can offer is, try to remember what it was like. How the world made little sense. Try to find that common ground and go from there.

And if that doesn't work, beat the hell out of her. Wink
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Jeannie
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Re: Parenting a teenager
Reply #2 - May 27th, 2008 at 10:34am
 
Oh Melissa........... I am right there with you.  I have a fifteen year old son.  Smiley      I miss him too.  Hang in there!

Jeannie
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"It's all a grand illusion when you think you're in control." ~ Kenny Chesney
 
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Redd
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Re: Parenting a teenager
Reply #3 - May 27th, 2008 at 10:37am
 
I have two of them, but I'm fortunate.  I really have nothing I can bitch about. 
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"The goal of life living in agreement with Nature."  ~Zeno
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Melissa
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Re: Parenting a teenager
Reply #4 - May 27th, 2008 at 10:40am
 
Oh man, it hurts so bad!  Now I know what my mother meant when she said "just wait till YOU have kids!".  I had no idea just how much I put her through until now. Sad

Brew, you're right.  I've been trying to think back to when I was that age, where it felt like the whole world was on your shoulders, where each day was so stressful and confusing and how you just wanted to run away from it all.  I'm trying to be understanding, but it's hard when you have to discipline at the same time.  Not only that, because Jesse works so much it all falls on me!  Trying to defer that some before I have a nervous breakdown.  Roll Eyes

Jeannie, how bout we hold on tight together and ride this out as long as we can! Smiley
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Diseases can be our spiritual flat tires - disruptions in our lives that seem to be disasters at the time but end by redirecting our lives in a meaningful way.  ~Bernie S. Siegel
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Melissa
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Re: Parenting a teenager
Reply #5 - May 27th, 2008 at 10:41am
 
Redd wrote on May 27th, 2008 at 10:37am:
I have two of them, but I'm fortunate.  I really have nothing I can bitch about.  

You're very lucky...
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Diseases can be our spiritual flat tires - disruptions in our lives that seem to be disasters at the time but end by redirecting our lives in a meaningful way.  ~Bernie S. Siegel
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LeLimey
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Re: Parenting a teenager
Reply #6 - May 27th, 2008 at 10:42am
 
There aren't words for the heartbreak.. day by day Melly, it's all we can try!
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Brew
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Re: Parenting a teenager
Reply #7 - May 27th, 2008 at 10:47am
 
Quote:
...day by day Melly, it's all we can try!

Sometimes it's hour by hour - even minute by minute.

And sometimes you just have to let them run around with their proverbial shoelaces untied. You can talk until you're blue in the face, but they won't learn to tie their shoes until they trip and fall on their face.
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Jeannie
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Re: Parenting a teenager
Reply #8 - May 27th, 2008 at 10:54am
 
I think that remembering how hard being a teen was makes it harder to parent.  I know what I should do in response to some of the things that go on in our house.  It just breaks my heart to see my kids unhappy.  That old saying " This hurts me more than it hurts you " is sooooo true! 

Jeannie
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"It's all a grand illusion when you think you're in control." ~ Kenny Chesney
 
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midwestbeth
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Re: Parenting a teenager
Reply #9 - May 27th, 2008 at 10:54am
 
I truly understand Mel.  My baby turned 15 yesterday!!  They grow up so fast and so often have to learn everything the hard way (cause they know everything!) 

Beth
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Jeannie
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Re: Parenting a teenager
Reply #10 - May 27th, 2008 at 10:58am
 
........................ and parents know NOTHING!
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"It's all a grand illusion when you think you're in control." ~ Kenny Chesney
 
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Redd
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Re: Parenting a teenager
Reply #11 - May 27th, 2008 at 10:59am
 
I remember the hell I put my Mother through in those years.  I wouldn't want to go through that.  

I will keep you and Lilly in my thoughts though.  Maybe the good energy will help.  Even if just a little.
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« Last Edit: May 27th, 2008 at 11:00am by Redd »  

"The goal of life living in agreement with Nature."  ~Zeno
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Brew
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Re: Parenting a teenager
Reply #12 - May 27th, 2008 at 11:06am
 
Maybe this will help, maybe it won't. The lyrics to one of my favorite songs, Simple Man by Lynyrd Skynyrd. Obviously, change the gender where appropriate:

Mama told me when I was young, Come sit beside me, my only son
And listen closely to what I say. And if you do this It will help you some sunny day.

Take your time, Don't live too fast, Troubles will come and they will pass.
Go find a woman and you'll find love, And don't forget son, There is someone up above.

And be a simple kind of man. Be something you love and understand.
Be a simple kind of man. Won't you do this for me son, If you can?

Forget your lust for the rich man's gold, All that you need is in your soul.
And you can do this if you try. All that I want for you my son, Is to be satisfied.

And be a simple kind of man. Be something you love and understand.
Be a simple kind of man. Won't you do this for me son, If you can?

Boy, don't you worry... you'll find yourself. Follow you heart and nothing else.
And you can do this if you try. All I want for you my son, Is to be satisfied.

And be a simple kind of man. Be something you love and understand.
Be a simple kind of man. Won't you do this for me son, If you can?

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Cathi_Pierce
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Re: Parenting a teenager
Reply #13 - May 27th, 2008 at 11:08am
 
At 13, my kids were sullen, spacy bundles of attitude.  At 18. they knew everything about life and the world and.well, everything..........now, at 32/30, I am amazed how much they admit they don't know!
We got thru the teen years pretty much unscathed.They kept their grades and their sports up........
It's much nicer now, however, since they learned Mom and Dad are NOT so out of touch and backward!

Melly, and all the rest...........you WILL survive-and they will come back to you with questions and issues, and you will AMAZE them with your insight!

Cathi, a survivor
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Melissa
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Re: Parenting a teenager
Reply #14 - May 27th, 2008 at 11:09am
 
Thanks Redd!


Lily is torn right now.  She doesn't understand what's going on, why she is so scatterbrained, CRS & spacey.  She also is experincing lovely teenage hormones which have already gotten her in trouble at school...twice.  Jess and I have been picked to go meet with them on Thursday.  We are so lucky! Tongue  

Anyhoo, I did take the initiative to get her some help.  She's seeing a psychologist and really likes her.  I did request ADD testing, just to rule it out, and they obliged (please, no judging).  We get the results of that next week when she has her session.  I'm sure it's a mess of things, but I figured this would be a good thing to do now, before it keeps getting worse.  She'll be in 8th grade next year and have many of the same teachers as this year.  Oh she is SO lucky! Roll Eyes  Poor kid...

I wish my mom was here.  Heck, I wish Jesse's mom was here too!  I feel like I'm flying blind through this. Cry
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« Last Edit: May 27th, 2008 at 11:12am by Melissa »  

Diseases can be our spiritual flat tires - disruptions in our lives that seem to be disasters at the time but end by redirecting our lives in a meaningful way.  ~Bernie S. Siegel
https://www.facebook.com/mellymoo92  
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George
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Re: Parenting a teenager
Reply #15 - May 27th, 2008 at 11:10am
 
Egad.   Tongue

That being said, EJ and I have been pretty lucky, despite our share of drama.  Some are easier than others.

Hang in there.  They become more recognizably human as they approach 18.

All the best,

George
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Brew
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Re: Parenting a teenager
Reply #16 - May 27th, 2008 at 11:11am
 
I always tell people that when I was 18 and out on my own, my old man was completely and utterly f*cked up in the head.

By the time I had turned 21 and was married, it was amazing what he had learned in 3 short years.
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Melissa
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Re: Parenting a teenager
Reply #17 - May 27th, 2008 at 11:19am
 
Cathi- I wish Lily was keeping her grades up, but they've been going down.  If she were just concentrating and remembering to hand in her work, she gets A's!  Very puzzling to me...

George- I'm hanging in with all I got!

Brew- so, was it you or your dad?  Guess I'm not quite getting it?  sorry Embarrassed
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Diseases can be our spiritual flat tires - disruptions in our lives that seem to be disasters at the time but end by redirecting our lives in a meaningful way.  ~Bernie S. Siegel
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Brew
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Re: Parenting a teenager
Reply #18 - May 27th, 2008 at 11:35am
 
It was a play on words, Mel. I was 18, my dad was f*cked up. When I turned 21, it was amazing what HE had learned in 3 years, when in actuality, I was the one who had learned so much. All the things he said now made so much more sense. In reality, it wasn't him who had learned anything at all - it was me.

Sorry about that - when you tell it verbally, the inflection makes it much more understandable.
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Melissa
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Re: Parenting a teenager
Reply #19 - May 27th, 2008 at 11:41am
 
K Brew, thanks for clarifying.  I thought that was what you meant, but I have NO idea what your relationship was with your Dad, so I didn't wanna make an assumption. Smiley
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Diseases can be our spiritual flat tires - disruptions in our lives that seem to be disasters at the time but end by redirecting our lives in a meaningful way.  ~Bernie S. Siegel
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nani
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Re: Parenting a teenager
Reply #20 - May 27th, 2008 at 12:02pm
 
Melissa wrote on May 27th, 2008 at 11:09am:
I feel like I'm flying blind through this. Cry


Me, too, melly. And I've done this before, LOL. Teens are tough, teen girls are even tougher.
You're doing all the right things, so try to take it all with some levity. Remember, no matter what she says, she loves you.

It seems like mooshie and I don't get along at all. Unless we're watching Home and Garden TV (she loves it, LOL) or shopping. So I use those moments to say what I think she needs to hear, and to joke around and keep some kind of bond between us.

Hang in there, mama ...by the time Ava is 12, you'll be an expert.  Smiley

hugs and love, nani
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Here I sit between my brother the mountain and my sister the sea. We three are one in loneliness, and the love that binds us together is deep and strong and strange.~Kahlil Gibran
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LeLimey
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Re: Parenting a teenager
Reply #21 - May 27th, 2008 at 12:05pm
 
nani wrote on May 27th, 2008 at 12:02pm:
It seems like mooshie and I don't get along at all. Unless we're watching Home and Garden TV (she loves it, LOL) or shopping. So I use those moments to say what I think she needs to hear, and to joke around and keep some kind of bond between us.



Oh boy do I recognise this bit!!! It's almost comforting to know I'm not alone but I'm so sorry for everyone else too!

This is gonna end up another sort of H A site isn't it?

Hormones Anonymous!!  Roll Eyes
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Re: Parenting a teenager
Reply #22 - May 27th, 2008 at 12:10pm
 
Check your PM   Wink
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I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” By Maya Angelou
 
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Brew
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Re: Parenting a teenager
Reply #23 - May 27th, 2008 at 12:11pm
 
nani wrote on May 27th, 2008 at 12:02pm:
So I use those moments to say what I think she needs to hear...

Bingo! There is a great deal of psychological basis for this, and it's right on. Think of how a hypnotist works - they get you to a place where your mind is most open to suggestion, then they plant their seeds.

Works the same way with the conscious mind - once you both are experiencing something that you enjoy (well, even if you don't enjoy it, you can pretend - hey, who's the adult here?), you can plant those seeds of wisdom. You may not see immediate results, but you can know that the seeds are germinating.
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Jimi
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Re: Parenting a teenager
Reply #24 - May 27th, 2008 at 12:12pm
 
Hopefully the values that you taught them at an early age is only just below the surface and not forgotten. This is a very tough time for girls about to or just starting their teenage years. Mine got thru it and hopefully yours will too.
     I look at pictures of our son Brad and daughter Kim when they were around 7-8 years old and it is a dying moment for me because I miss those 2 7-8 year olds. They are adults and great parents of their own, but I sometimes want them back as I see them in the picture.
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