Well now, seems like on some post or another I'm always commenting on someones else's "sharing". Not a bad thing, I thrive on those. Yet I do realize I have not shared my equal measure, my fault and I do recognize that.

Sunday is Father's Day. Thought I would share some of my feelings. My Dad has been gone 32 years and two weeks today.

My Dad was born in 1905. He was 50 when I was born. That's TWO generations removed (most have only one). His philosophy was that a parent is a parent and not a friend. We never REALLY connected. Oh yeah, we could talk about sports, but that was about it. He just didn't know how to deal with a kid of the 60's. Later learned he told my Ma, "I just don't know how to relate to a kid in these times". Took a long time, but I have come to realize, that in his own way, he loved me.

One of the biggest regrets in my life is that past the age of 5, I cannot remember EVER telling HIM that I loved him ( I did, but for some reason just couldn't say it). I'm not a Father, but that has gotta hurt... What I do remember, with eternal gratitude, is that he frequently told me, "Jon, just be yourself".

Life is really complicated. We all play roles and sometimes it is easy to get caught up in what we think we ought to be. Just doesn't friggin work. "Be yourself" now that is as uncomplicated as it gets. You don't have to remember what you think others think you should be...

I'm remembering that today, and especially Sunday.

End of story?, nope. Mom remarried 10 long years later after Dad's death. We all thought it would never happen as she always told us, "your Father was the ONE true love of my life, NOTHING will change that". That she decided to remarry late in life was surprising but not unwelcome. She was a lady with exquisitely good judgement. Good enough for her...good enough for us. He became my Step-Dad.

His name was Lee. Actually, a long ago "date" from my Mom's past. He courted her after both lost their spouses. A wise man, he travelled 3000 miles to "audition" for me, my brother, and my sister. We all gave our blessing tho it was NOT required, just comfort for Ma. He proved to be very classy...

After they married, the entire family exchanged many visits, though they settled 3000 miles away. During one visit, I  called him "DAD" (from respect, admiration, and the knowledge his first marriage had been childless). It was as if he had won the lottery. I heard him tell my Mother, "did you hear what he said!!!?" He was DELIGHTED. Over the next 15 years, he repeated that story enumerable times, and I frequently heard him tell it.

I determined not to make the same mistake with him that I had with my own Father. Every visit I kissed him, every leaving I told him I loved him (I did, like I said, classy guy). Making up for past mistakes? Possibly, but not forced, he deserved it.

In 2002 I wrote for him a beautiful obituary. Damn hard, but an honor and a priviledge. Step-dad, WW II vet, teacher, counciler, town father, and on and on...

Whatever your relationship (set aside the hurts if they exist) with your Father, Step father, Two-dad, or whatever, PLEASE, tell him you love him this Sunday (and every other day you see him. It's later than you think and regrets are forever). It means more than you can ever imagine, and it costs you NOTHING...

Best,

Jon

Jon that was beautiful, very well said and very touching words of wisdom. I shall heed them- thank you

Beautiful Jon... and I agree with every word. Never miss a chance to say, "I love you."

My Dad died in 1983. His last words, "What was the score of the Cowboy game?"  The last thing I said to him, "You owe me 10 bucks!" He grinned and that was the one thing he loved more than anything - he loved to laugh. I knew he loved me and he knew I loved him... I have no regrets and can smile today that he had a laugh at the end.

For all those of you who still have your fathers - take the time to call, go see them, give them a hug and tell them you love them. You don't know how long you'll have them and for goodness sakes - don't have any regrets....

Hugs BD

Jon,

That was an absolutely beautiful tribute to your fathers, and honestly made me tear up.  I'm glad that you had not one, but two wonderful dads, and that you learned the value of saying "I love you" whenever you can.

My dad's story is kind of similar to yours - his father died when my dad was 16 years old, and I don't know that they were ever that close.  He was a very strict catholic and had lots of rules.  But I think he loved his children very much.  My grandmother remarried later to a man that my dad also called "Dad."  He was another phenomenal man, and it was a great loss when he passed in 1996.  My grandmother was widowed each time at 23 years of marriage.

I take the time to tell my father I love him whenever I talk to him and see him, and I do talk to him pretty often.  I'm going home tomorrow evening for father's day, and I'm going to remember what you wrote here when I do.

Thank you so much for sharing.  It really was wonderful to read it.

Hugz,
Carrie

What a beautiful story! Thank you for sharing this.

Charlotte

Jon, that was absolutely fantastic, heart-warming and inspirational.

    Thank you so much for sharing that with us.


Linda

Never miss an opportunity to tell those you love that you love them.

This father's day is much much harder than the last one. No regrets tho - he knew how much I loved him.

Beautiful story!

jon019 wrote on Jun 14^th, 2008 at 1:11am:


You should share more often, that was beautiful.
I'm sure both gentlemen are very proud of you even if they are not here to say so.

As Linda said, thank you so much for sharing that with us.

Everyone here knows that I lost my dad 3 years ago... Ironically the day after Father's Day... sure  he could have died on Father's Day I held the plug in my hand.  Because of my brother I spared him the pain of losing his father on that day and made Dad suffer another day.  It was horrendous losing my Dad.  I loved him so and he loved life. Saying good bye to my Dad was just dreadful... he knew I loved him and I have no doubt your Dad knows that too.  That was a beautiful tribute to your dad... Today I'm kinda blah... its also Dave and My anniversary... we are spending a rainy lazy day home I just ate a huge bowl of icecream (comfort food) I will go to the grave later this week.  Life is weird without my Dad in it.  
love ree

Great story, Jon and good for you to realize the value of some simple words.
I was lucky enough to "talk" to my dad before he died. He was a bastard, so many times, to us kids but I told him I forgave him and asked him if he gets another chance in another life to remember this and do better.
I do not have any children; been married 22+ years. BUT, I hug my 3 nephews and 3 nieces EVERYTIME I see them. I tell them I love them and will miss them. They all know thier Uncle Tom is not PC about anything but he loves them more than stars gather in the night sky.
TomM