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kevmd

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need some baby advice
Aug 1^st, 2008 at 11:47pm

I'm going out of my friggin mind here. My 3 yr old boy was a piece of cake compared to this little girl. She won't let me hold her. Anytime I hold her for more than 5 seconds, she screams bloody murder. I've tried everything I can think of. AS soon as I give her back to Mommy, everything is AOK. This chic can't stand me. It may be men in general she can't stand. I'm this close to pulling a blonde wig out of the shed from a halloween costume so she thinks I'm one of her. My wife going to the gym or just taking a shower has become the hardest part of my day. She's wearing me down. Advice please, I'll try anything. THe only think that works is giving her a bath.

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Karla

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Re: need some baby advice
Reply #1 - Aug 2^nd, 2008 at 12:47am

Im am not sure how old your daughter is but if she is real little lay her on your chest so she can feel your heart beat. It sooths real colicy babies. If she is a little older than girls go through a stage where they just want there mommy and then another where they just want there daddy. It may just be a stage she is going through. If that is the case. Just be firm with her and let her know that you can meet her needs also. Best of luck.

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DennisM1045

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Re: need some baby advice
Reply #2 - Aug 2^nd, 2008 at 8:12am

Good advice Karla! Sounds more like separation anxiety from Mom than her not liking you.

I'd try removing her from the place the separation happened. Take her for a walk outside. Anything to get her attention on something else.

Above all, and this is the hard part, remain calm. It's not that she doesn't love you, it's just that she's scared to death being separated from Mom.

Good luck...

-Dennis-

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Where there is life, there is hope.
Where there is Oxygen, you must use proper caution.
So be safe, don't smoke while using O2. Kill the pain and not yourself.

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Brew Ex Member	Re: need some baby advice Reply #3 - Aug 2^nd, 2008 at 8:44am Give her a bath. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
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barry_sword CH.com Alumnus Offline Mountain Biking Keeps Me Sane Posts: 3947 Bracebridge, Canada Gender:	Re: need some baby advice Reply #4 - Aug 2^nd, 2008 at 9:03am Sorry Kev, no kids in our family so all I can do is give you support, not advise. I hope you get this figured out soon.
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Rosybabe CH.com Alumnus Offline "Too much of a good thing can be wonderful!! Posts: 3584 Houston, TX Gender:	Re: need some baby advice Reply #5 - Aug 2^nd, 2008 at 2:15pm mine is 6 years old and still screams if she is separated from Mommy ...try blowing bubbles in her tummy, babies love them ..that is what my Hubby had to do to keep her from crying while I took a shower.. Good Luck!! Hugs Rosy.
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kevmd CH.com Hall of Famer Offline Who needs a hypothalamus anyway? Posts: 524 x0\|philadelphia\|USA\|\|0\|0\|PA,Pennsylvania Gender:	Re: need some baby advice Reply #6 - Aug 2^nd, 2008 at 9:17pm Some great advice, really!!! And how did I know Brew would say give her a bath....lol. Today has been a one of those days. She just stopped crying now cause she let out a big fart
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cash5542 CH.com Hall of Famer Offline I love YaBB 1G - SP1! Posts: 1243 x1\|Ocean Pines\|USA\|usa\|498\|141\|MD,Maryland Gender:	Re: need some baby advice Reply #7 - Aug 2^nd, 2008 at 10:01pm Quote: Give her a bath. Lather. Rinse. Repeat. Lisa was alot like this. Why do you think she's such a good swimmer? I swear she lived in any kind of water possible for the first 6 months. Good luck!!! Charlotte
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DonnaH_again Ex Member	Re: need some baby advice Reply #8 - Aug 3^rd, 2008 at 10:20pm I think Dennis has the right idea...separation anxiety. How old is she? At about 7 months and again at about 18 months, a child goes thru the worst stages of this anxiety. Distraction usually works......blow bubbles or something.
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kevmd CH.com Hall of Famer Offline Who needs a hypothalamus anyway? Posts: 524 x0\|philadelphia\|USA\|\|0\|0\|PA,Pennsylvania Gender:	Re: need some baby advice Reply #9 - Aug 4^th, 2008 at 12:11pm Hey Donna She is 4 months almost. Maybe I'm not trying hard enough. But She did take a bottle from me yesterday and fell asleep in my arms. Ths are both firsts
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JimLaff CH.com Veteran Offline OH CRAP!!!!! Posts: 146 x1\|Springfield\|USA\|usa\|486\|122\|PA,Pennsylvania Gender:	Re: need some baby advice Reply #10 - Aug 4^th, 2008 at 4:16pm Kev - Take her out for a beer - listen to what she has to say - be open to her feelings - watch Ophra with her. It will all work out. If you think it is bad now just wait till she is 17, standing at the top of the steps yelling down "daddy I hate you" because you won't let her wear what she wants. Good luck.
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Tiannia

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Re: need some baby advice
Reply #11 - Aug 4^th, 2008 at 5:08pm

Hey Kev.

My daughter did this for about 8 months. Shaun felt like he was the worlds worst father. But it was simply that mom not there. One thing that helped with us when she was about that age was that we would sit on the couch and she would be between us. After a little bit I would more my arm and she would just be held by dad. Then after a little I would getup and she would still see me and hear me, but I was not right there. All and all it would take about 20 mins. After about 3 times or so, she calmed right down whenever dad took her and I was not right there. It was a big help to have my kids in a jonny jump up that was centralized. That way they could see both of us and know that they where not alone.

Putting her next to your chest is a big help too.

At about a year, she was a daddys girl and did not want to be around me at all.

My son did the same thing, but with him it was for a bit of a different reason. at 9 weeks he got RSV and I was having to do breathing treatments all throughout the night, so it was easier for him to sleep with me. This went on for almost 3 years. It was harder getting him to sleep in his own bed. Even now at 2 week until he is 6 (He keeps asking me if I excited that it is almost his birthday. Wink

) when he wakes up tp go to the bathroom, whatever, we walks into our room and tries to crawl in bed with us. But now, I can just give him a hug and he will go lay back down again.

I know it is hard. But she will go back and forth. But she will bond to you too.

Hang in there.
Tia

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BMoneeTheMoneeMan CH.com Alumnus Offline In remembrance of KingCazman. RIP Posts: 2674 Portland, OR	Re: need some baby advice Reply #12 - Aug 4^th, 2008 at 5:16pm It's ok if a baby cries. She's only 4 months. It's the only way she knows how to communicate. I think at this age holding her is very important. Maybe get some ear plugs
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FramCire

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Re: need some baby advice
Reply #13 - Aug 4^th, 2008 at 5:19pm

Here a few suggestions.... like aborting a CH, not any one will work for all, or even most:

1. See if you can feed her with your wife next to you a few times. Then try holding her (no feeding) with her next to you....... try to get her used to you holding her with mommy.

2. Make a lot of silly faces and sound, tickle, and raspberry her belly .... all while mom is holding her.

3. Sing to her.

4. Relax. your anxiety over her may show to her.

5. Hold her like a football and run around the house pretending you are scoring touchdowns (NO SPIKING)

6. Smile a lot. Kiss her gently on the nose when you can.

7. Be patient. Chances are she will come around. She has spent most of her life with momma (including 7-9 months connected by a cord) and you are an intruder.

8. Start lactating. Then you can feed her.

9. Estrogen therapy and a wig.

10. Buy her chocolates and flowers, chicks love that... at any age.

OK, some of my ideas started to get a bit more far fetched, but I do suggest some of them. My daughter hated me when we first got her (adopted at 2 years old). Now, we get along very well (although mama is still number one, but then again she is much better looking than I am).

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« Last Edit: Aug 4^th, 2008 at 5:20pm by FramCire »

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ClusterChuck CH.com Alumnus Offline The BEAST rises again, and again, and again, and . Posts: 5394 Greenville, North Carolina Gender:	Re: need some baby advice Reply #14 - Aug 4^th, 2008 at 8:10pm Hmmmm ... Hanging her by her heels, in a closet, with duct tape over her mouth, always worked for my kids ... Chuck
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kevmd CH.com Hall of Famer Offline Who needs a hypothalamus anyway? Posts: 524 x0\|philadelphia\|USA\|\|0\|0\|PA,Pennsylvania Gender:	Re: need some baby advice Reply #15 - Aug 4^th, 2008 at 11:31pm Some of you are 100% nuts...lol I won't give up. I have a crazy 3 year boy who I rough house with and do all kinds of stuff like play super heroes and swords with. Little Lilah is suppose to be the one I can just chill out with on the couch or take a walk with. Thats the plan any way
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George CH.com Moderator CH.com Alumnus Offline Black-Billed Magpie Posts: 8126 Boise, Idaho USA Gender:	Re: need some baby advice Reply #16 - Aug 5^th, 2008 at 1:27am I think the advice to be patient is very good. Pack her around a lot, wherever you go. Talk to her the whole time. She'll come around. They're all different--I swear, they're who they are from the moment they're born...some are easy, some are difficult. It'll be fine. All the best, George
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BarbaraD CH.com Alumnus Offline Hugs to ya Posts: 8333 Douglasville, TX Gender:	Re: need some baby advice Reply #17 - Aug 5^th, 2008 at 7:52am kevmd wrote on Aug 4^th, 2008 at 11:31pm: Thats the plan any way Go to Plan B... I think she caught on this this one.. Hugs BD
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Tiannia

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Re: need some baby advice
Reply #18 - Aug 5^th, 2008 at 12:32pm

kevmd wrote on Aug 4^th, 2008 at 11:31pm:

Some of you are 100% nuts...lol

No we are normal it is the rest of the world that are crazy. Grin

Quote:

I won't give up. I have a crazy 3 year boy who I rough house with and do all kinds of stuff like play super heroes and swords with. Little Lilah is suppose to be the one I can just chill out with on the couch or take a walk with. Thats the plan any way

In our family, Dad was and still is the one to climb on, attack, wrestle, etc.

At about 5-6 months, Shaun would flip my daughter over and hold her by the ankles. Freeked the hell out of me. She freeked the first time but dad picked her up and laughed and then she would push against his chest to get him to do it again.

When she was a little bigger, he would hold her like a football. Her legs around is arm/elbow and his hand right on her chest. He would walk into our room and flip her on the bed. Body slam her and make the bed bounce. She thought it was great. I would put her on the bed and put my hands on either side of her and bounce the bed, and go "Earthquake!" She would crawl up on the bed and yell, "Erquack, Mama!" Wink

We did the same thing with my son. Shara is 11 now and says that she wishes she was still little enough to have dad do it.

Just last night, my kids said can we wrestle? So all 4 of us, climb onto our king size bed. The kids team up and try to take mom and dad out. Typically, the kids end up pinned and dad and I are tickling the hell out of them. I've flipped my kids completely off the bed. And they say "ow" and then climb right back up for more.

My daughter loves to wear dresses, her hair is down to her butt and is growing up way to fast for Shaun and I. But I have to have her wear shorts under any dress she wears because she will go out and play football with the guys. She has told me that she is up to H when she burps the alphabet. Roll Eyes

Just cause your Little Lilah is a girl, dont plan on her being mellow and being able to chill out with her. She just might surprize you. Cool

Good luck.
Tia

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Becky

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Re: need some baby advice
Reply #19 - Aug 6^th, 2008 at 4:04pm

My daughter was the opposite, I had postnatel depression so my hubby helped a lot with looking after her. She used to scream everytime he left the room. I know how upsetting it can be, kids pick up on anxiety so the best advice I can give you is to relax and take the contact at her pace, if you force it, it may make her worse.

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