Garys_Girl wrote on Aug 21^st, 2008 at 4:32pm:


Of course, Laurie.   But it may not depend soley on internal sources for strength.  As with this board, there are immense sources of external strength to be found, and more than not, a determining factor for maintaining, alluded to last November:


Quote:

mezza wrote on Aug 21^st, 2008 at 9:41pm:


   Where it should be..................Gone.

          Potter

Sorry, I deleted it.  I thought deleting the first post would delete the thread.  It didn't.

The long and short of it is that Gary has an appointment with a new neuro on Wednesday.  We made the appointment when he started suffering from the crazy temperature swings, and managed to beg our way in to an appointment far ahead of the original time they wanted to schedule.  He has taken a lot of steps to put everything in place to detox, and not only has a back-up plan, but a back-up to the back-up plan this time.

He suffers from a lot of "atypical" in the on-going diagnosis of "atypical drug resistant chronic cluster headaches," and so the suffering he is experiencing is beyond that of "just" the attacks and constant pain.  The 7% - 10% changes in his body temperature every day are taking a huge toll on him, mentally and physically, and I fear that this is just going to be one more thing they don't know how to treat.

It's very hard not to get my hopes up with the new Doc.  But I received a great suggestion from Jackie about getting several docs to co-ordinate this.

I was asking for a few good thoughts to be sent his way.

Thanks,

Laurie

*********************************

Kevin:

You keep referring to a post I made about Gary "detoxing."  That wasn't from last November, if you check the date, it was November of 2006, two years ago.  And what that was referring to was not narcotics, he wasn't on them.  If you check back a little further, you'll see I was going crazy because his temper was nuts.  He's always had a temper, but in 13 years of marriage (at that time) it had never been directed at me.  He was, however, taking Klonopin.  He was also taking melatonin, kudzu, magnesium, and taurine. 

As it turns out, Klonopin doesn't agree with him.  He "detoxed" off of everything (the Klonopin, melatonin, kudzu, and taurine) because he was going to dose with shrooms.  I was very pleased, because after the "detox" his moods normalized again.  As I put it then, I had my husband back.  When he went back to trying treatment with traditional meds in the Spring of 2007, they gave him an anti-anxiety med again.  Klonopin.  That's when we figured out they make him mean.  He hasn't taken any diazepam/diazepine type drug again.

So your reference to that particular post really has no relevance in relation to what he faces today.  It was "detox" in the cluster buster sense, not in the addicted to narcotics sense, and those are two very different animals.

***********************

Quite frankly, I'm really scared.  I know the narcotics themselves are probably causing CH attacks.  However, he did detox three times since the neuro referred him to the pain management doc.  Two of those he went through complete withdrawal before returning to the "comfort" of "dullness."   Unfortunately, he had no plan in place, no therapy, no neuro, no potential preventatives.  Just 02 as an abortive, which wasn't working.  Those were just "I'm sick of this and want off" times.  Each time I hoped he would see some benefit from having lost the opioid meds from his system.  He didn't.  The attacks were as many and he just felt them completely.

This time he'll be doing it not on his own, but with therapy and a neuro's supervision and in hospital.   But it's going to be real hell all the way around.

Laurie

Laurie, I'm sending you good vibes for you and Gary.  And I really want to thank you for all the support you have given me through some rough times.  I will be thinking of you and praying that Gary gets a break, and that everything goes well.

Charlotte

Ya know something? I read that first magnum opus, and I thought that here was the first comprehensive recap of Gary's situation and of his supporter. Then I went back later to read some of the responses, and the first post was gone. Then ya know what I thought?

I'm being manipulated.

Quote:


I felt like I put too much information out there, and I included names of other people that upon consideration I felt was inappropriate.  Like I said, had I known deleting the initial post would not delete the thread, I would have edited it.

Sorry you feel manipulated, though manipulated to do what, I can't guess. 

Yes.  Gary chose to use narcotics.  It's been frustrating, angering, disappointing, scary, and big range of emotions.  Thankfully I kept coming back here, because in the end I was given advice and support privately from several people I "met" here that has helped immeasurably to bring us, once again, to another turning point.

As to the enabler comments, I'm not arguing that in whatever definition you're using I'm not and haven't been an enabler.  It's just that to me, how best to deal with the situation needs to be tailored to the circumstances.  Linda's constant advice to leave my husband despite the information provided is just a broken record.

OK.  So I'm an enabler.  But I am not a liar, and I am not intentionally trying to manipulate anyone. 

Given that I seem to principally stir up hostility these days, and it's not helping me, and it's just pissing (apparently) most of you off, I'll just say thanks to those of you who have given me so much advice and support.


Laurie

Hi Laurie,

I hope that all goes well for Gary.  Being in the hospital seems like it is what he needs for successful detox and follow up therapy.  My thoughts and prayers are with you both.

Jeannie

Edited to add:

I have been thinking about this thread and some of the other bits and pieces of previous ones.  I am coming in on this late and you may tell me to mind my own business but I can't help but want to add this. 

You admit that you are an enabler.  May I suggest that you also seek counseling along with Gary.  As an enabler, you too are an addict.  You are addicted to Gary's disease as much as Gary is addicted to drugs.   The best way to help him is to help yourself.  Please know that this is said with  kind intentions.

Jeannie

That's wonderful!!!   I really do hope that this is what works this time.  I'm rooting for you!

Jeannie

Best of luck Laurie.

I do hope results and relief can be found.

You and yours have had a tough road, rougher than many.

I remember after my first 20 years of trying every med under the sun and moon to find relief with zero results and then finally doing a total detox.
It was a serious commitment and anger towards the medical community after trying many of the same legal meds again, constant input from those who felt they knew the answers and a basic inability to grab life by the reins due to extreme CH that ultimately drove me to a full and total detox.
The best advice "I" ever recieved was there is nothing further the medical community can do for you at this time.. This by the head of neurology at a major university.

I went 10 years without another med, not even tylenol but occasional use of ephedrin. I had and suffered just as many attacks, just as hard as allways.
The bueaty was that no longer did I have the medication side effects to add to the pain. The hits were clean and clear and life began again for me as I could see the world with new vision and clarity. I truly lived between the hits. Though I did continue to suffer.

For 10 years I lived med free and found it much preferable to a life of drugs. But then I only got hit between 8-12 times a day seldom more than 2 hours per hit, not as bad as some I'm sure.

Allmost 3 years now allmost completely pain free, thankyou CB.

You will find your magic, never give up.

Laurie :
we have read and discussed this and from our point of view, having been there done that. You have to stop excusing Gary and get him clean (through a rehab program). Till he is clean he is unable to think or fight the beast in his head. you have to do this for him and that is all there is to it. (speaking as an ex-addict from narcotics. it won't be easy but its a tough love situation. doing it with love can be hard but is nesessary.
here are some quotes that might shed some light on this for you . it starts with something i wrote.

If the man is unable of leading the way, the woman must temporily support him by, making the hard decisions and showing love through means that can outwardly appear unsavory. By loving a man enough to do what is right, can be a love that is uncommon.
  The love of a parent to a child is that which says you have done wrong but my love for you is undiminished only my expectations are reduced. Such is the love of a spouse,
Expectations may lowered from a high unattainable pinnacle to a bar that is lower and easier to attain. It is easier for weakened man to reach that lower bar and through the   success strength will build to eventually reach the higher honorable expectation.

Karl Johnston


Criticism makes you hard and vindictive and cruel, and leaves you with the flattering unction that you are a superior person. It is impossible to develop the characteristics of a saint and maintain a critical attitude. The first thing the Holy Spirit does is to give us a spring-cleaning, and there is no possibility of pride being left in a man after that.
Studies in the Sermon on the Mount, 1461 R
 
The coward fears before danger; the heroic spirit fears afterwards 

Conscious obtrusive weakness is natural unthankful strength; it means I refuse to be made strong by Him. When I say I am too weak it means I am too strong; and when ever I say “I can’t” it means “I won’t. 

Obstinacy and strength of will are often confounded, but they are very different. An obstinate man is unintelligent; a strong-minded man is one who has made up his mind on a matter but is prepared to listen to your arguments and deal with them, and show to your satisfaction that his decision is right. A stubborn man is always a “small potato.” We may make up our minds easily, but to make up a mind of any breadth takes time, there are so many sides to every matter.
Shade of His Hand, 1223 R
 
Do not forecast where the temptation will come; it is the least likely thing that is the peril.  it is not dominant, but remember it is there, and if you are not warned, it will trip you up.   You have remained true to God under great and intense trials; now beware of the undercurrent. 
  Vina and i care about you two and all this was written and intended with love.

Karl and Vina
May God bless you and give you the strength.

Quote:


Karl & Vina:

This was very kind and thoughtful of you.  Thank you for sharing.

Laurie

Quote:


Now that rocks!!
I still want to meet Gary, and your a good supporter..You have my number and say houdy to Gary for me when you nag him to call me.
all the best
thebb

Laurie,

Good luck to you and Gary.  I'll keep you both in my thoughts and prayers.

Beth