I was talking to Svenn, a short while ago, and he told me that I HAVE to post this latest episode in “The Life and Times of ClusterChuck”.  The whole time that I was telling him about this, he was laughing his ass off!  HOW DARE HE?

Anyhow, I was scheduled to get admitted (as outpatient) in the cardio unit, for a “tilt table” test.  This is a test, where they strap you to a table, hook up all sorts of wires and hoses, and then tilt the table up and back to see if you get dizzy or pass out (a problem that I have had for the past few months).

As usual, as soon as I got in there, I told them of my need for oxygen, at 15LPM, with a non-rebreathing mask, etc., etc., etc …  The normal stuff that I ALWAYS tell them, as soon as I get into a medical facility.  They said, no problem, and that they had everything right there, if the need arises.

OK, so I get into the room, get up on the table, and they hook up all the wires, IV, blood pressure cuff (an automatic one) and start the test.  I get half way through the test, and then they tell me that they will now give me some nitroglycerin for the next part of the test.



I proceed to explain why I can’t take nitro.  They tell me that the test cannot be completed, without doing this step, and besides, this is a new type, a spray, that does not cause headaches.  I try to explain that these are not “just headaches” and are of a whole different breed.

Well, long story, short: They convinced me to take the nitro.  

Well, we finish the test, and they take me back into my room, where they hook me back up to all the wires and automatic blood pressure cuff, again (no IV).  I guess you know who came to visit, within a few minutes of getting back to the room ... the BEAST!  And he is PISSED OFF at being called into play by means of the nitro!  After mashing the shit out of the call button, over and over, they came rushing in to get me on oxygen.  Naturally, they come at me with the nose canula … I THOUGHT I was being polite, in telling them what I needed, but from the looks on their faces, I guess I wasn’t too polite.  Well they get me the non-rebreather, and I start sucking it down, and realize that there are no flapper valves on the sides of the mask!  No problem, I rip the mask off, and stuff the valve (with the bag attached) into my mouth and start sucking away.  They then proceed to start telling me that I am doing it all wrong.  By this time, I am at about a KIP 7/8, and still building.  

Well, I guess I failed this part of schooling in “Miss Manner’s Class of Charm and Etiquette”.  I said something very similar to: “After 29 FUCKING years of dealing with this SHIT, I think I know how to take some FUCKING oxygen!  Now get the FUCK out of here, before I rip your arm off, and shove it up your ASS!”

I don’t think Miss Manners would have approved.

They somehow got the message and left (most likely to put the SWAT team on standby readiness).

I soon realized, at a KIP9+, that the oxygen was not doing the trick, so I pulled out my trex (that, as you know, with my heart, I am not suppose to take) and shot up some GOOD drugs!  I even took a full shot, because at that stage there was no way I would have been able to give a partial shot.

I then realized that my arm (with the automatic blood pressure cuff) was feeling strange.  I looked at it, and it was puffy and PURPLE in color!  I guess, with these auto cuffs, if it does not read what it wants to, it keeps pumping up, and waiting, and then pumping up more and more, and what with my thrashing, I guess it wasn’t seeing what it liked.  I ripped the cuff off, which, of course, set off an alarm, and then the goon squad came rushing back in.  They wanted to know why I took the cuff off, and when I showed them my arm, and gave them a few “choice” words, they decided that it wasn’t QUITE the right time to re-attach the cuff, and left the room.  (One sweet young gal almost passed out when she saw the sharp line, where the cuff ended, and the look of my arm.)

Well, after fifteen or so minutes (I guess) the beast, grudgingly, left.

The medical staff decided that I might be in a slightly better mood, so they came back in, and hooked me back up again. (I had also ripped some of the wire leads loose, in my thrashing.)

A short time later, the doctor came in and told me that the test results came back negative, but they could not discharge me, as my blood pressure was way too high.  I tried to explain that when I came in, my BP was 125 over 82, and that I had just gone through a bad hit, that THEY caused, and I was forced to take ‘trex, and it was no wonder that my BP was high.

Well, they would not let me out, which got me more and more pissed off, which of course kept my BP in the sky rocket range.  After three hours of keeping me there, I don’t know if my silver tongue convinced them, or they were just afraid for their safety if they kept me any longer, they discharged me.

Isn’t being a clusterhead a lot of fun?  Just look at all the unique experiences that you get to have!

I guess Svenn was right.  There ARE some funny portions of the story, in a demented sort of way.

So, how was YOUR day?

Chuck

You're one scary guy Chuck.

You are overdue by several decades for a break too.

Hold on Chuck.

Charlie