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superhawk2300
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Those that know me well enough won't find this a weird way to report a happening in my life. Please send vibes to a blonde-girl and a certain somone who is very unsure of himself as of late.
A long time ago, in a far away land, there was a boy and a girl. They met by chance one day at the carnival. The boy asked the girl to take a walk with him; to get away from all the commotion. The truth was that he wanted to get her away from the crowds so he could look upon her for himself, as she was very beautiful. So they wandered around the city, talking about various topics that did not matter at all. The conversation was a good one, and the topics were not unimportant because they did not know what to say; the topics were unimportant because the connection they felt between each other was so powerful nothing else seemed to matter to them. The boy was in town on travel and he lived far away so when it was time to say goodbye it was sad. He promised to find her every time he was traveling through the area and said he would see her soon. He instantly knew she was the love of his life.
Though they lived a long way apart, the boy found himself traveling through the area where the girl lived quite often, even when there was no business to be had in the area. Every time he saw the girl it was like he was seeing her for the very first time. Her hair was golden yellow like the stacks of fresh cut hay in the farmer’s fields. Her eyes were as blue as the clear sky on a warm summer afternoon. The minute his gaze met hers it seemed the sun shone just a touch brighter, and it stayed that way until they parted. He thought about the girl all of the time and wished to do nothing but to be with her. So the summer moved along the way a plow-horse goes about its day - plodding with ups and downs but steady and sure. The nights alone were the “downs” and they were lonely and cold and the “ups” were warm and comfortable when they were together. It went by very fast.
They were a perfect fit. He was logical, intellectual and rigid. She was wispy, emotional, giving. He was intense, active and passionate, while she was relaxed, comfortable, and loving. He was full of worries and fear which spurred him on, but she was accepting and faithful which put him at ease. Whenever he was with her he became someone he loved to be. All his worries seemed to disappear and he just was. When he was away from her all he wanted to do was to find her and leave the rest of his life behind. She was the love of his life and he hers. It was truly magical.
This was indeed wonderful, but being apart so much intensified his fears when they were not together. These are the fears all young men have when they are still full of so much passion for life. He had concerns and considerations for matters that seem the most important at the time. Things like money and material possessions and what those things represent. Or maybe more to the point, the fear of not being able to provide for one’s self. Either way these intensifying fears started to change the boy. He noticed these changes and thought to himself “I am becoming a man, pondering these noble and important thoughts”. He found himself no longer content to just spend time with the girl and her silly dreams of rainbows and unicorns. “When are you going to grow up?” he scolded her. “Don’t you know there are so many problems that exist in the world today? Don’t you care about all those things that are wrong in the world? It is like you do not care about anything – even us!”
The girl could not understand the change in the boy-man, but just accepted it as that was her way. This just made the boy more scared and upset. If the girl cares so little of all the important things in the world, how can she say she cares for him? Or even herself?
So began his quest to educate the girl. He told her all his stories of his world travels and of his life encounters and all the wise things he read and studied. She listened intently to him, her big, beautiful blue eyes wide and seldom blinking. She hung on his every word, like they were the very air she breathed. He loved to preach to her and she loved being with him and they continued in this new way for sometime it was again wonderful. But it wasn’t long when that was not good enough for the boy anymore. Life has a way of creeping in and playing on our fears and soon the boy found himself as fearful as ever.
He decided he needed to leave girl.
There was no doubt he loved her with all his heart, but he also loved himself and feared if he stayed with her in her land of pixie-dust and fairy tales he will lose everything he worked so hard for. The complications of life just seemed too dire to the boy and he could not take it anymore. One day, when it was time to leave, he told her goodbye in the usual way, but inside he said it with a strong sadness. He knew it was a lie. That was the last time they saw each other. Even thought the girl looked high and low for the man, he hid very well from her until she stopped looking.
So the boy continued his life, unburdened by the fancies of dreamy-eyed, pretty blonde girls. And this eased his fear tremendously and he was glad to “get back to work”. He felt terrible inside for leaving the girl the way he did. After all, he knew she adored him and never wanted him to leave her, even for a short time. But he was afraid if he stayed all his masterfully orchestrated plans would never come to fruition. It would be no good for either of them, he thought. Justified in his actions he marched onward into the rest of his life.
The years blew by like the last leaves on a late autumn day with winter approaching. The man met a different girl. A wonderful girl, who was not the instant love of his life, but became the love of his life over time. They had children and became a wonderful family. My how things change over time.
The man never forgot the blue-eyed blonde girl and while he would never love his wife or family any less, there was a spot where the memories of the blonde girl remained. The man kept remorse for the way he treated the blonde girl. No one deserves to be rejected and abandoned without explanation. No one should have to endure the endless wondering of never knowing. The man imagines he has corrupted her innocent spirit for she must have a very strong hate for the man by now. When something pure, good, and innocent is killed the world becomes a darker place for all.
The man understands that he was not becoming a man while he was with the blonde girl, but rather becoming a boy. A selfish, scared, greedy, immature boy who was a coward and thought nothing of deeply hurting others just to make himself feel better. What low, despicable creature throws away the simple, innocent, true love of another in favor of a depreciating, false, and addictive worship of the self and ones possessions? The fact that he has married an equally wonderful girl who has become the love of his life, and he has such wonderful children and friends and wonderful things he has filled his life with only makes the memories of the blonde girl hurt and sadden him that much more.
He deserves so much less and many others deserve so much more. He is trapped; doomed to be caught between the executioners ax and the chopping block for all time. There is no way he can fix this now. The best he can do is accept the past for what it is and move forward as best he can. This time he will make sure he loves above all else first, so that his children will not learn to suffer the same fate as he. He hopes in this way the spirit of the blonde girl will remain alive, but it seems such a small consolation considering how things were. He owes the world a great debt that can never be repaid. His actions hurt the one he loved the most in the past and the ones he loves the most today.
Life went on this way for some time. While the blonde girl will always be a part of the man, teaching his children to not repeat his mistakes takes some of the pain away for him. The man starts to relax a bit. While life still finds a way to creep in and complicate things, it is still good overall. Yes the sun continues to rise.
Then one day the man’s mother tells him she has received a letter from the blonde girl. The blonde girl is sick and dying and wants to see the man.....
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A sad story. Vibes adn postive thoughts needed. (Read 1980 times)
