And I'll raise you 2 cents more.

I vote to leave it as it is.  I'm going to make my own "ignore" button, similar to the o2 pushers button.  Maybe that'll catch on and people will get the message.

Maybe we've finally learned a lesson here and will "chill" a little when we feel our temperatures rising.  I hope so.  

We've done a really great job with one newby here lately and I've watched to see when the hammer was going to hit him on the head.  Instead, our great people took him under their wing and really pulled this guy out of dispair, put up with a lot of nonsence and steared him in the right direction.  This certainly isn't the first time I've seen this, it's just the most recent.

When I made my first post, I was shocked with the hurtful first few answers I got. Then I just lurked for a while and felt out the personalities before I posted again. There was just too much good news for this searching newbie to walk away.  

We have a wonderful thing going here, especially with the catagories we have.  I've seen so much more good done than bad.  There's always someone who will help the newbie out when they're being ruffed up...until the newbie proves to be something they're not.

I do agree with the suggestion that DJ or Steph give an offending person time off rather than punishing the whole board, tho.

A time or two lately I've seen a newbie lambast an old timer for just asking a simple question.  It has bothered me because it wasn't deserved and I thought "wow, if they'd just  look at the number of posts a person has scored they'd know that the old timer must have done something right to be here so long and deserves a little respect".  We have a few old timers, well actually several, who have invested a lot of time and money in our brothers and sisters.  They have hearts of gold and are very protective, but if you push the wrong button.....run for the hills.

I've noticed that those who help out most in the "specialties rooms" are showing a great deal of patience with the newbies.  This is very encouraging and heart warming.

We have a good place here and as it's been said before, the mix of personalities and circumstances are bound to clash from time to time.  We/I need to practice a little more control and walk away form stickey situations.

If we stop adding fuel, the fire will go out.

I agree in principle, if not in fact, but have been sickened to see so many screaming newbies come here seeking help and advice, only to be driven away because they've yet to learn 'our' language and 'our' protocols.

For the record, the word 'cure' has many meanings and only one of them refers to a permanent cessation of symptoms. It's perfectly OK to use words here like magic-bullet, universally acclaimed treatment and don't-leave-home-without-it, but that four-letter C-word (cure) guarantees your marching orders.

Witness what happened to Andy H, who only wanted to help.

'Chronic' is another perfect example. In medicine it means simply long-term (often given as three months or more) and it's only here at ch.com we insist it be an exact year with less than exactly a month off.  

Besides that, and in common speech, 'chronic' has taken on the meaning of 'severe' so newbies may well describe their headaches as 'chronic for three weeks' and need not be driven off the boards as a result. (You've only to read a newspaper to see, "Last week's cyclone resulted in chronic food shortages...").

As to the suggestion, "If a newbie can't handle a roughing up, they shouldn't be here", it sickens me to my gut.

I salute Lelimey for her intentions, along with those who brought up the subject of common sense, but I really think the answer lies in common courtesy.

And remembering what ch.com is all about.

I try to treat others with the same courtesy and respect in the same way as I would expect to be treated, whether as a newbie or a veteran. I was welcomed a little over two years ago with open arms and that was a very nice feeling. Since then I have tried to do my best to help others to help deal with this life altering pain called CH's.

If a protocol is in order to help with the newbies and to stop the veterans from leaving then I am 100% for it.

CH.com saved my life, and it must remain here for others trying to find some sort of sanity with their pain associated with CH's. That is my take on this matter.

    Barry

AussieBrian wrote on Nov 22^nd, 2008 at 10:04am:


Paul98 wrote on Nov 21^st, 2008 at 8:54pm:


Agreed!

-P.

I must say I have been disgusted recently at the excessive disregard for common courtesy and basic lack of respect shown towards people, both new and old.

Not one of you fully understood this board the first day you arrived, yet you expect every single newbie that finds this place to know exactly which words to use to describe their pain.  If they don't speak exactly as you think they should, they are ridiculed and called a "TROLL".

Obviously, I'm not insinuating that every single person that shows up on this board sufferers from cluster headaches, but I do know that ALL people deserve more respect than some of the people in this group have been showing them, which reflects on the attitude of the entire board.

I've read all of your posts, and I'm not sure how I'm going to handle this just yet.  Obviously, self-policing doesn't work.  As for now, here are the changes that will be made:

1)  I will invite several people on this board to be Global Moderators.  Global Moderators will have limited privileges but will have the ability to lock and/or hide threads that get out of hand or to stop any personal attacks.  They will not have the ability to edit or delete profiles, but I will expect them to notify me if someone has crossed the line.  I will share my instructions to GM's with the board when I complete the list.

2)  NO ONE will call someone a "TROLL" unless I have so deemed their profile to "troll status".

Simple enough?

That is all for now...

DJ

Hi DJ,

WHATEVER you decide works for me...I am just a guest here and honored to be so...

Several years ago I privately expressed my opinion of another members posts...the reply I got was "that's your opinion, others don't think so..if you dont like it don't read 'em". EXCELLENT advice and I took it and didn't read those...

"take what you need and leave the rest" is the best advice I have ever seen...

Jon

Jackie wrote on Nov 22^nd, 2008 at 4:15pm:


Amen.

Thank you DJ and Steph.
A society without rules is chaos.

JIm

Tanyana wrote on Nov 22^nd, 2008 at 3:05pm:


Not to worry.   

In some fashion or another, our differences will be settled--they always are. 

I regret that you had a negative early experience, but stick around.  I think it's very possible that after you get to know some people, you'll wonder why you ever thought you were unwelcome.

I favor keeping discussion as free and open as possible.  I've been on some heavily-moderated forums, and elaborate, draconian rules can smother the life out of discussion--which requires some back-and forth, not to mention some disagreement.  Sometimes disagreement has to get a little warm. 

On the other hand, I don't think it's unreasonable that people be advised that there are a few clear, simple lines that ought not to be crossed.  Not because anyone is trying to create a sort of Sunnybrook Farm where only happy thoughts are allowed--but because we know that certain (very specific) things that have been said here have created endless reams of crap.

I'm not very comfortable with some of the nastier things that get said--but more than anything, I get tired of the endless post-mortems about who killed who, and what constitutes being nasty.  Frankly, the autopsy is even worse than the murder.

If locking a thread or hiding it will cut all that short and put an end to it--good.

It's DJ and Steph's place.  If they want to perform that function themselves, or if they prefer to put mods in place, it's all good with me.

Besides--if the guidelines of any forum get too onerous for me, I'm free to go or stay, just as anyone else is.

All the best to all of you,

George

Mrs Deej wrote on Nov 22^nd, 2008 at 11:30pm:

Very succinctly put BobW!

Thanks DJ.

I have stayed away from the "getting to know ya" and Meds boards to much lately because I have not felt well enough to be patient with newbies and/or uninformed ones.  Therein I have become a part of the problem, and I'm sorry for that.  i guess we just tend to become a little self=centered at such times and don't reach out to others as we were reached out to  when we were the newbie/uninformed ones.  I know I asked some dumb questions and didn't know when to be quiet and listen.  (still don't)

Jerry

Nice post Bob.

Perhsps the phase "take what you need and..." should be modified to read: "take what you need and then help someone else".  Those are the "dues" many, many here have paid over the years.  Seems pretty simple to me.  It dosn't have to cost $ and I have found that in helping others I have usually learned something in the process.

-P.

You know.. I guess I'm going to say something, for what it's worth.. which may or may not be much, depending on who I am to you..

I've thought about this suggestion Helen.  I understand why its up here very well.

Haven't been around much lately, but its been a long time coming, for many reasons.  Never was a groupie, regardless of what people said to me, once upon a time.  Nonetheless, a recent decision of mine as it was important to my kid's education.  

Mainly, I have seen here and there, the posts where newbies are run off because they said the wrong thing at first, where they used the word cure, and didn't know that that's a bad word here.. later all being vindicated in some way or another.  Mostly, I never felt I had the right to jump in and say give someone a chance, even though I've been here for years now.  I bite my tongue 2,3 or 4 times, for fear of getting into it.  I recently fell prey to my own feelings on certain topics, not relevant in this sense, but still..let's just say, politics and religion are sensitive subjects (that's a no brainer).  

I first came here because someone I knew was afraid to really become a part of this community.. and needed some help getting info.  Since I'm not really shy..  .. I tried to do what I thought was a good thing.  I won't tell you what that led to but, here I still am.  Unfortunately, that person was never able to feel comfortable enough to chime in, here, and sadly, resorted to a terrible and self-destructive way to handle his CH.  I did what I could, in the end its up to the individual.  

I always wonder, what happens to all those people who come here, read, and say to themselves, are you kidding, I'm never becoming 'visible' as a member here.  They take the info they can use, and wing it, maybe never ever meeting another clusterhead.  The one thing I can say I know for sure, is that this website, has brought clusterheads together, in good ways, that has changed people's life, and made their quality of life so much better, and liveable, tolerable, and maybe changed their whole perspectives of doom around.  And its the people on here that have done that, by reaching out to one another, whomever they are, clusterheads, supporters, friends, from all over the world.  

I am a cynic, by nature, but I don't believe that people could really forget what it was like the first they day got here.  Or maybe they can?  The tears of joy to know they are not alone...ever again, that there were some alternatives to banging your head against the wall, or wishing for the end.  I think the cynicism slowly creeps in as you realize that its not all a feel-good forum, because there are those creeps who intend on trolling or destroying the good things they come across.  

Remember what it was like before you came here, before you as a supporter were able to obtain help for your loved one, before you as a clusterhead knew that you were not alone.  If you tapped into that every time you logged in, it might be a good way to temper your response to someone who could really be sitting on the edge.  

Patty